I am ashamed of the way I raised my children in old age and there is nowhere to lay my head.

Should children help their elderly parents by default? Destinies are different for everyone, but it seems to all of us that relatives are obliged to help without unnecessary words. In her old age, pensioner Alla Nikolaevna faced a misunderstanding of her adult children. Who's to blame?

“I have been retired since last year. It was harder than I expected. My daughter asked me if I had enough money to live and I was ashamed to complain. I replied that I was fine, says Alla Nikolaevna.



My husband died five years ago. I've been living alone ever since. My children have long been adults, Anya and Vlad received higher education, got their own families. I spent my whole life trying to make them happy, but it turned out that I had not brought them up well.

I no longer work in retirement and have no additional income. Everyone knows how hard it is for pensioners to survive in such conditions. And my kids are making a lot of money, and they don't seem to notice that I need their help. I only have enough money to pay the bills and the simplest products. It is good that now I am not sick, because I would have to be very tight.



My son and daughter know how much money I get each month. But nobody cares about my situation. Sometimes they're so busy with their business that they won't call once a week. One day, Anja came to my house with a package of groceries. She had tea with me, asked if I was okay. What could I say? Didn't she see that my refrigerator was empty? My daughter pretended to believe me and left.



Every year my children and families go on vacation. That takes a lot of money. They don't pity children. They buy expensive phones and clothes. Sometimes even Anya says that it is difficult for them to raise children: everything is expensive and they do not have enough money. And I think that you can just be more economical and not buy something expensive, not to go with the children on the lead.”



I have a sister, her children behave very differently. Every weekend he and his family gather at the same table, discuss new events, communicate. My nephews are very kind, they are interested in the well-being of my mother every day. My sister called me and told me how they were doing. I can't tell her anything good about my kids.



It hurts me to tears that my grown children don’t care about me at all. I dedicated my life to them, my health, gave everything to them. They have grown up, and now I can’t rely on them, because they have their own lives, and they don’t need me in my old age. I don’t think my children are better educated than my sister’s children, but I don’t understand that either.

I once borrowed money from my sister, and now it’s embarrassing when she asks if my daughter and son are helping me. I’m not borrowing anything now because I know I can’t pay it back. I think of my parents. They helped me a lot, even helped me build a house. But I always looked after them and was grateful for everything they did for me.



I also tried to raise my children. And now I have nothing to buy bread for, and I'm ashamed to talk about it. I don't know if you can do that to older parents. Maybe I did something wrong? I try to save on everything, but this is not enough for a normal life.”



Alla Nikolaevna needs not only material support from the editorial office. She is lonely and sad that children are busy with their lives. They may even forget to call, busy with work and raising children. No one knows how easy it is to make money. But one thing is clear: Alla Nikolaevna contradicts herself. She doesn't think she should ask for help. At the same time, she does not admit that it is difficult for her and expects her daughter and son to read her thoughts.

Instead of resenting the children, who may be hesitant to offer help or talk about important topics, Alla should talk directly about what worries her. Maybe then the children will try to call more often and will not leave the elderly mother alone without means of livelihood. What do you think?