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Locked up in freedom: Journey of the parents to greater confidence
The restriction of freedom of children, one way or another dictated by the socially accepted model of parenthood — a great evil, it is responsible for the dramatic increase in cases of childhood depression and suicide.
The components of this trends are:
Suppose you are a conscious parent who realizes that this model of child rearing — destructive.
How to learn to trust the child, despite the pressure of society?
I give six tips: the first three relate to the work on your own habits and attitudes, and the rest create a healthy atmosphere around the child.
1. Work with their valuesAsk yourself the question: "What is the good life?»
How your values can be applied to relationship with the child?
Included in the list of your values freedom, personal responsibility, initiative, assertiveness, honesty, concern for the welfare of others?
If so, and if you want to see these traits in your children, then you really want to become a trusting parent.
Remember that the trust makes people worthy of it. Notation and control — no.
If children are constantly "steer", they won't take responsibility and will not take the initiative.
If children are constantly compared with other and forced to compete, they harder it will be to develop the integrity, independence and respect for others.
Thirty eight million three hundred seventy five thousand six hundred seventy one
2. Calm down about the future of childrenLet go of the idea that you determine the future of the child and is fully responsible for it.
If you value freedom and personal responsibility, we should accept that children choose the direction of your life. Your ambition is not their ambitions. Teach them responsibility, teach them to make decisions.
As soon as we undertake to plan for the future of our children, we include the control and deprive them of the opportunity to be masters of their own destiny. Controlling their daily Affairs, we deprive them of the opportunity to learn how to navigate themselves.
When we fall asleep their unsolicited advice, we get children, who do our opinion will not ask.
Remember that you are not like your children, and your children — not you. You are part of the child's environment, which he uses to create his own identity.
Therefore it is not necessary to choose for him: the world is full of unhappy doctors and lawyers and happy sellers and clerks. Career success is not success in life. This is a very hackneyed truth. But somehow when it comes to parenting our children, we forget about it.
3. Stop "stick" to a childYou want to know every minute where the baby is and what he does? You want to know all the details of his day? Resist these impulses! Yes, modern technology allows you to track all movements of the child, to know that he was looking in the Internet and with whom. You can justify it security measures.
But to answer the question: would you like that after you constantly watched? For example, your beloved husband? All this surveillance is said to the child: "I don't trust you."
4. Select "friendly" homeMove to a place where everyone knows everyone and where children of different ages play together. You can't be behind the wheel of a child's life, but you can think about a special sea for it. And this sea — the area in which you live.
Checked: the larger the group of children who play without adult supervision, the greater the variation in age in these children, the safer the child's stay in this group.
Make friends with parents of other children, is a priceless relationship, some parents may have additional role models for your children — don't be afraid of it. You and your partner can be as much as wonderful, but children need to learn and adults to develop their own concept of adulthood.
Sixteen million two hundred twelve thousand one hundred twelve
5. Create a safe space for the gameStart to cooperate with other area parents to create safe play places. This is the case if they aren't. Or you may not, for various reasons, including financial, to move in the "right" area.
Take the initiative and talk with other parents. If required a safety issue, you can look out over a Playground at a time. And in General, by any means, create community — this is the basis of good social integration.
6. Consider alternative to conventional schoolAs I said, the school substantially cuts back on the freedom of the children, their opportunities to learn responsibility and self-determination. School became something of a social monster that devours freedom of children and families. The school cannot solve the problems of children. If you trust a parent, you should understand that the modern traditional school built on mistrust. Search for an alternative.published
© Peter Gray
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: //womo.ua/svobodnyi-pod-strazhey-puti-k-doveriyu-v-roditelstve/
The components of this trends are:
- we don't socialize with neighbors,
- we have transformed yards of space game Parking place,
- we're rarely dealing with young children (aunts, godparents, etc.) before to become parents,
- we allow television to draw in our imagination exaggerated the danger of playing outside,
- we give the school a leading role in education, and the family needs to "develop" child — just like the school, so our time with the children becomes didactic, and when there is no time and energy to "develop" — we put the child in front of a computer screen.
Suppose you are a conscious parent who realizes that this model of child rearing — destructive.
How to learn to trust the child, despite the pressure of society?
I give six tips: the first three relate to the work on your own habits and attitudes, and the rest create a healthy atmosphere around the child.
1. Work with their valuesAsk yourself the question: "What is the good life?»
How your values can be applied to relationship with the child?
Included in the list of your values freedom, personal responsibility, initiative, assertiveness, honesty, concern for the welfare of others?
If so, and if you want to see these traits in your children, then you really want to become a trusting parent.
Remember that the trust makes people worthy of it. Notation and control — no.
If children are constantly "steer", they won't take responsibility and will not take the initiative.
If children are constantly compared with other and forced to compete, they harder it will be to develop the integrity, independence and respect for others.
Thirty eight million three hundred seventy five thousand six hundred seventy one
2. Calm down about the future of childrenLet go of the idea that you determine the future of the child and is fully responsible for it.
If you value freedom and personal responsibility, we should accept that children choose the direction of your life. Your ambition is not their ambitions. Teach them responsibility, teach them to make decisions.
As soon as we undertake to plan for the future of our children, we include the control and deprive them of the opportunity to be masters of their own destiny. Controlling their daily Affairs, we deprive them of the opportunity to learn how to navigate themselves.
When we fall asleep their unsolicited advice, we get children, who do our opinion will not ask.
Remember that you are not like your children, and your children — not you. You are part of the child's environment, which he uses to create his own identity.
Therefore it is not necessary to choose for him: the world is full of unhappy doctors and lawyers and happy sellers and clerks. Career success is not success in life. This is a very hackneyed truth. But somehow when it comes to parenting our children, we forget about it.
3. Stop "stick" to a childYou want to know every minute where the baby is and what he does? You want to know all the details of his day? Resist these impulses! Yes, modern technology allows you to track all movements of the child, to know that he was looking in the Internet and with whom. You can justify it security measures.
But to answer the question: would you like that after you constantly watched? For example, your beloved husband? All this surveillance is said to the child: "I don't trust you."
4. Select "friendly" homeMove to a place where everyone knows everyone and where children of different ages play together. You can't be behind the wheel of a child's life, but you can think about a special sea for it. And this sea — the area in which you live.
Checked: the larger the group of children who play without adult supervision, the greater the variation in age in these children, the safer the child's stay in this group.
Make friends with parents of other children, is a priceless relationship, some parents may have additional role models for your children — don't be afraid of it. You and your partner can be as much as wonderful, but children need to learn and adults to develop their own concept of adulthood.
Sixteen million two hundred twelve thousand one hundred twelve
5. Create a safe space for the gameStart to cooperate with other area parents to create safe play places. This is the case if they aren't. Or you may not, for various reasons, including financial, to move in the "right" area.
Take the initiative and talk with other parents. If required a safety issue, you can look out over a Playground at a time. And in General, by any means, create community — this is the basis of good social integration.
6. Consider alternative to conventional schoolAs I said, the school substantially cuts back on the freedom of the children, their opportunities to learn responsibility and self-determination. School became something of a social monster that devours freedom of children and families. The school cannot solve the problems of children. If you trust a parent, you should understand that the modern traditional school built on mistrust. Search for an alternative.published
© Peter Gray
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: //womo.ua/svobodnyi-pod-strazhey-puti-k-doveriyu-v-roditelstve/
