The fragments of the violence or Why I scream at my children?! Bashny.Net

Why a woman who loves her children, cares about them and strongly protects, suddenly turn into an angry monster and does something and then feels terrible guilt?

 

Where in the us these fragments of violence? Why being of sound mind and memory, we – the majority of reasonable, caring parents, but once we enter a state of stress, as the roof can carry, and we begin to do those things that we really sorry?

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"When my son was 4, he refused to eat and sat over a plate of porridge. I took him to the bathroom and poured the porridge on his head. Then I thought they were doing the absolutely right thing. Many years have passed, but this story won't let me. I remember it with horror, and incredible pity for the son. My poor boy. In my mind if I was?..." (the story is reproduced with permission)

Now, many years later this woman is able to admit that to pour the porridge on the child's head is crazy and she feels a sense of compassion for his son and guilt for the act. But then, in that moment, she was absolutely sure that doing the right thing.

At a time when “the bar falls” when a person begins to make aggressive actions with their children and friends, at this moment he believes that doing the right thing.When a woman screams and thrashes her baby, who does not want to go to kindergarten or just fell and soiled overalls; when yelling and punishing of two; when beaten with a belt for disobedience – all these moments people believe that doing the right thing. There are those who after rationalizarea their actions, explaining that beating the child was the best way. "Yes, and nothing wrong with him there, he brought etc.»

Of course, the depth of family violence is different. Somewhere children are severely punished for any offense, somewhere get emotional, constantly ridiculing and humiliating the child, where mom and dad just yell, shout not fair to punish regret.

The purpose of my article to explain what happens to a person in this moment and why. To ensure that you, faced with this reaction, was able to recognize it and tell me when to stop.Let's start with the fact that the person remembers every experience that happens to him. A traumatic experience, an experience of emotional or physical violence against us, we don't just remember. This experience breaks down, changes our personality. We remember that scoffed at us, and my feelings helpless victims, we also remember.72 hours after the Commission on human violence in his personality capsulized sacrificial part, now in one part of himself he's the Victim. But we remember and rapist, the man who did this to us.We don't just remember it, and make a mould from it, his "backup". This impression will now always be stored in us. Become part of our identity, our "inner rapist". In another part of the myself we is a Rapist.

LYudi who came into contact in childhood with violence, have no memory of the violence and in the time of stress, at the time a similar situation when you have a defenseless creature, the victim may behave as the rapist who did it with them.

The woman, revealed a mess on the head of his child, recalled that as a child, in a manger, where she drove, it was a common practice. She doesn't remember if she poured the porridge on his head, but remembers that she's seen, and even as a porridge Lily bosom and tights. When in her life has developed in similar circumstances – that she is an adult aunt, and next to a small child refusing to eat the porridge, she suddenly became the Woman Manya – a nurse from the nursery. She became her. It awakened her "inner rapist". And she played the scenario from his childhood, becoming a rapist for your child.

Men beating their wives and children, had severe experience of violence in childhood. No, they do not take revenge for their suffering. They just fall into your "inner rapist", and at this point, come only from this part of his personality.

I recently watched the movie "Schindler's List" (1993). It tells the real story of the German businessman, who during the Second world war, save twelve hundred Jews – men, women and children. Watching the horrifying footage of this film, I asked myself the question: "Why someone manages to stay human in this universal madness?"

People who have no experience of violence in childhood, do not be tempted by the smell of blood, the groans of victims they do not awaken your inner rapist. They just haven't. Here the place to recall the well-known truth: "Violence only begets violence.»

Some of us experienced abuse in childhood, someone emotional, someone physical, and someone sexy. And then in our heart are stored the fragments of the violence that captured the horror that happened to us. In circumstances close to the original, these pieces come to life and can cloud our minds – we are already looking at the world and those close to us, not with your eyes, and the eyes of the women of Mani or embittered father or cold, disdainful mother.

We become the person who once did it with us. Not worth. It is not necessary to clone the violence, pass it as the baton to his child that he has transmitted to his children. Thank God now modern society supports the humane treatment of children, fewer people foaming at the mouth will defend the utility of physical measures or to raise babies on Spock.

Now it is customary to speak with children, consider their needs, hear their children. We are increasingly fed with useful information, become wiser and kinder. But what we learned in my adult life and learning now is only a thin crust over the dark abyss of the unconscious.

No, no, and raise the head monsters, and will wave the Woman beckoning with a wet cloth and break mom: "are You shitting me?!"All recorded, all I remember, nothing to erase. But notice in yourself you can track and differentsirovki where I say, where's the mother in me or grandma. And let will be more its. Good, real, living and loving, respecting themselves and their children.published 

Author: Irina Dubova

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: dybova.ru/news/oskolki-nasiliya-ili-pochemu-ya-krichu-na-svoix-detej/