302
Gordon Neufeld: Why are we yelling at children
Many of us experience frustration. Our children are an incredible source of frustration. Life itself is a source of frustration. Frustration is driven by the attacker's energy, so if you want someone to break, to scream or something to hit – it all points to the fact that you feel frustrated.
The question is, how do we handle frustration. We are trying to stop the screaming, but most of all, we can't do that, because we are fighting with symptoms. With the same success it is possible to require a young child not to fight. It doesn't work. Good that you have the intention not to shout, but the frustration still bothering the child, the child feels it and the flash hurt his feelings. One desire to stop is not enough.
To cope with the frustration, you feel sadness about the events in our lives that we cannot change. We transform what we cannot change. The anger needs to go into sadness. If this rarely happens in our lives or in the lives of our children, if the anger is for different reasons do not go into a sadness, then we become filled with toxic frustration. Then the child just enough to get us by the hand and suddenly we lose it.
It is also very important to find a balance between our conflicting impulses. One part of us wants to yell at the child, and the other part loves the child and doesn't want to hurt his feelings. If we are able to feel these conflicting emotions, the prefrontal cortex makes our behavior more civilized and restrain our aggressive impulses until then, until we experience the sadness that can't change in our lives. When you feel sad, it literally changes you. You much less you want something to hit to make a scene or to snap at the child.
Gordon Neufeld
Source: alpha-parenting.ru/2014/10/22/pochemu-myi-krichim-na-detey/
The question is, how do we handle frustration. We are trying to stop the screaming, but most of all, we can't do that, because we are fighting with symptoms. With the same success it is possible to require a young child not to fight. It doesn't work. Good that you have the intention not to shout, but the frustration still bothering the child, the child feels it and the flash hurt his feelings. One desire to stop is not enough.
To cope with the frustration, you feel sadness about the events in our lives that we cannot change. We transform what we cannot change. The anger needs to go into sadness. If this rarely happens in our lives or in the lives of our children, if the anger is for different reasons do not go into a sadness, then we become filled with toxic frustration. Then the child just enough to get us by the hand and suddenly we lose it.
It is also very important to find a balance between our conflicting impulses. One part of us wants to yell at the child, and the other part loves the child and doesn't want to hurt his feelings. If we are able to feel these conflicting emotions, the prefrontal cortex makes our behavior more civilized and restrain our aggressive impulses until then, until we experience the sadness that can't change in our lives. When you feel sad, it literally changes you. You much less you want something to hit to make a scene or to snap at the child.
Gordon Neufeld
Source: alpha-parenting.ru/2014/10/22/pochemu-myi-krichim-na-detey/
