Comparison is the mother of violence

From the author:Good day! This article was written partly for her clients, who really want to get married, but do not succeed.

It is obvious to me that there is no contact with myself, no love for myself. Self-love often happens = shopping and travel, self-care, spa... But that's not self-love... It's an ongoing renovation... Which won't last long. Temporary support.
Some of them are tired because their whole life revolves around work. And to stop as if there is no chance...



I recently read the article “About comparisons and evaluations by parents of children”. I got a good response: “To teach a man to be the best of all is to put him forever in the most difficult situation. Strictly speaking, it begins to exist only if there are others. No more of his joys, sufferings, successes. There are only comparisons, only solid comparisons. ?



From the point of view of marriage is a very important topic that is important for you to consider. If you can exist at work, proving that you are the best. And the goals of other people you help achieve are paid for by your career progression and a good salary. Relationships are different. At this point, every woman becomes addicted.



You only exist when he exists. And it turns into a nightmare. When will he call? He doesn't want me? All your thoughts start to focus on relationships. There he is, there you are. No him, no life.



At some point, dissolution occurs. No feelings, no life. There's nothing.



Every client in therapy, every woman who participates in my trainings, webinars, marathons necessarily comes to the moment where the realization occurs: “I am not...” "I don't feel like ..." "I am not alive..."



Comparisons with others are not the only reason that leads to the fact that a person ceases to focus on himself and is repulsed in life from the opinions of others. But this is a very important factor that is somehow present in the life of almost everyone. . .

It's true that the way we grew up, the way we were raised, taught, trained, mentored, all of this was based on what was important to others: mom and dad, teacher, school, system.



An entire generation (in my opinion, more than one) has grown up in what matters to others. If there are no others, it is impossible to push back in your decision where to go, what to do, what to feel, how to behave. At such moments, according to internal sensations, a person has panic, fear, horror. It is a state on the verge of a life-death choice.



Comparison is the mother of violence. Innocent phrases: “Look how smart Natasha is” or “Good girls do not behave like this”, when you immediately realize that you are bad, teach us from childhood to rely on anything but ourselves.



Your feelings, your thoughts, your desires, your feelings – nobody cares! It is important to “be like everyone else” or “be the best of everyone”, to meet expectations. The initiative is punishable. Being yourself is dangerous. They will curse, laugh, humiliate, equalize, put an end. And in order not to face this pain of loneliness, inconsistency, rejection, we all choose to focus on what others want from us. Our coordinate system lives outside of us.



Imagine that you exist simply as a form, and that your whole world is not within. There's nothing to lean on inside. Your whole world is outside, in others, you are totally dependent on them. What string are you being pulled for now? How are they used for their own purposes? What will you press to get what you want? People around here are so good at it!



In fact, what happens is that you can’t rely on yourself. There is no skill, no habit, no knowledge, no belief that it is possible. Because you were always bad, wrong, stupid, stupid, etc.



And relying on the outside world is also very fragile. How many times have you done what others wanted and been disappointed because you were bad anyway? How many times have you followed others, wanted to be good, and ended up alone? How many times?



And yet you live in constant violence: you rape yourself because you are constantly betraying yourself, cheating, using yourself. You let others do the same to you. Others don’t act this way because they’re bad or hurt you on purpose. They just don't know what's best for you. You don't know. Really?



And at 30, 40, 50, it's not easy to realize that you've been against yourself all your life.



Accepting that your ruined life, your sick body, your dissatisfaction is a consequence of never having yourself in your life is not easy. Some people don't want to see it. It is even more painful than to continue to live, how to live and, destroying yourself, to live as it turns out.



Those who dare to see what is happening, to dig themselves up, to revive themselves, to turn to themselves, do not go the easy way. Thank goodness if you get angry at some point. And with the energy of that feeling, you can finally afford to be yourself! Allow yourself to feel, not think about others, live as you want. Sometimes it happens through aggression. Sometimes at the expense of others, because it is not clear how possible thanks to yourself. Because it's scary. But suddenly it becomes clear that close people are ready to accept you and so. And it's even easier, simpler, calmer.



But that's after...



First, take a step towards yourself. Turn to yourself and start getting to know yourself. It can be very exciting, interesting. This opens up new horizons. It opens up new possibilities. I invite you on this journey to myself.

Author: Circular Lyudmila

P.S. And remember, just by changing our consumption, we change the world together! © Join us on Facebook , VKontakte, Odnoklassniki







Source: b17.ru/article/sravnenie_nasilie/