Just get rid of the suspiciousness

A lot of people really care what they think about others. This is understandable: the man is a creature ultrasocial, it is very important reaction of others to us, so it would be strange to live completely without looking at the people around.

However, there are times when the opinions of others become too important and then one becomes very suspicious. Of course, that doesn't make his life better. Eternal unrest on the topic "what about me?" so harass the person that, sometimes, disturbed sleep and appetite. In General, a good such a suspicion is not enough.

"They don't see your excitement"





 

Luckily, psychology has a solid Arsenal to eliminate this suspicion, and some of them can be applied right now, in this post.

For a start I will tell you about one curious experiment conducted at Cornell University. Students are asked to deliver a short speech. But before the actual speech they were divided into three groups, and a) the first group was told that actually people are much worse understand the status of other people than is commonly believed (in other words, "they will not see your excitement"); b) the second group said that before the performance no need to worry;) the third group didn't say anything.

How to invent, which the group received on average higher scores of students on the basis of performances? First.

Why do you think it first? Because they open eyes to the so-called illusion of transparency. Armed with this knowledge, the students won and the excitement and suspiciousness. And therefore performed better than other two groups.

What is the illusion of transparency?

 

The illusion of transparency (illusion of transparency) is the tendency of people to overestimate the ability of others to understand our inner state.

There are a lot of funny experiments, which prove, first, the existence of such a propensity, and secondly, its a fallacy.

For example, here is a fun and very simple experiment by Elizabeth Newton. There are two participants. One listens to the music and taps the melody with his knuckles, the second must guess what the ringtone sounds in the headphones.

Of course, Newton was interested not so much the number of guesses "the listener", as the opinion of "musician" on that number. So, the "musicians" around fifty percent of cases were confident that the "audience" guess the melody.

In reality, the listeners guessed only three percent of cases. The illusion of transparency in action.

Here's another experiment (supplied by Thomas], Victoria Medvec and Kenneth Sawicki). The participants were divided into two groups. The first group worked with a tasting of the beverage, the second watched the first.

Salt of the experiment was as follows — tasters tried five drinks, one of which is characterized by an unpleasant taste. The tasters were asked to suppress the disgust that the observers did not notice anything. Observers, of course, offered to distinguish concerning what exactly beverage tasters suppressed disgust.

What happened in the end? I think you already know. Tasters were confident that their faces observers will easily notice what kind of drink was unpleasant. In reality, the tasters badly missed in their assessments.

Thomas], Victoria Medvec and Kenneth Sawicki has conducted a few more experiments — and everywhere the same. For example, people thought that observers can easily distinguish a lie, and in fact lie was noticed less than a quarter of the observers. Or are the negotiations one of the high Contracting parties believed that a second Contracting party will notice the bluff, and in fact she did not notice the bluff.

In other words, the illusion of transparency really exists and really is an illusion (and, by the way, is especially enhanced when we are overwhelmed with emotions). For other people you're not so transparent as you think.

 

Practical insights

To begin with, I note — do not think that we quite can't understand the other person. No, of course it is not. We have mirror neurons and intelligence, which help us somehow to understand the other person, his condition and intentions.

However, we should not overestimate our ability. In reality, as it turned out, we are wrong much more often than we think.

From here there are two important conclusions.

First, do not think that people easily will understand you. No need to wait for them to insight — it will not. If you want something — tell me. Tell me the words through your mouth, clearly and distinctly. Other people do not understand your emotional state. So if you want to be understood — make the effort. Yes, that's you (unless, again, you want to be understood).

 

Second, do not be afraid that people you "expose". Your mistrust is based on the illusion of transparency, all the illusion which (forgive for involuntary tautology) has long been proven.

Suspiciousness regarding attitudes towards other people is just a manifestation of the illusion of transparency. As soon as you learn about this illusion, your mistrust is reduced. This is exactly what happened to the people from the first group of speakers in the experiment I described. They not only told about the illusion of transparency. They explained in detail how the experiments, what were the results, showing graphs and charts. Thanks to these students and did so well.

That is, you too can arm yourself with knowledge from this article and — as I promised — to reduce its suspiciousness, at least in some aspects.

 

To sum up. Our mistrust if not completely, then partly based on the illusion of transparency. The easiest way to "work through" the illusion of transparency — to know and remember about her. Already one it will be enough to significantly improve the quality of your life and to appease the mistrust (and even completely get rid of it).

And I have all, thank you for your attention.published

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

Source: pikabu.ru/story/kak_raz_i_navsegda_izbavitsya_ot_mnitelnosti_3832513