Tips "harmful" children's author Grigory Oster Bashny.Net

"Recently, scientists have discovered that in the world there are naughty children who are all doing the opposite. They give useful advice: "Wash in the morning" - they take and do not wash. They say, "greet each other" - they do not immediately begin to shake. Scientists have figured out that these children do not need to give useful and harmful advice. They all do the opposite, and you get just the right "- so begins the book of" harmful "children's author Grigory Oster. And how we loved these tips do not cause any harm, but only forced us to grasp at their bellies with laughter.

Website offers to take the book and take it to your one and only bully.



* * *

If you are on the corridor
Cycling race,
And to meet you from the bathroom
Dad went out for a walk,

Do not fold into the kitchen,
In the kitchen refrigerator solid.
Brake better dad.
Pope soft. He will forgive.



* * *







If you are caught mom
For your favorite thing,
For example, for drawing
In the hallway on the wallpaper,

Explain to her that it
Your surprise to the eighth of March,
Called the picture:
Cute mummy portrait.

* * *





Not a pleasant experience,
The nose to scratch,
All terribly interesting,
What's hidden inside.

And who look disgusting,
That albeit not looking.
We are in the nose it has not climb,
Suppose it does not stick.



* * *





He was born a girl - be patient
Footsteps and tremors.
And substitute all braids,
Those who do not pull them off.

But sometime later
Will you show them the fig
And you say: "Figushki for you
I'm not going to marry! »

* * *





Starting a fight with my dad,
It sets out a fight with his mother,
Try to give my mother, -
Dad does not take prisoners.

By the way, to find out from my mother,
Do not forget it -
The prisoners beat the belt by the pope
Prevents the Red Cross.



* * *







If you come to Yolka,
His gift require a direct
Yes Looking to any candy
Santa Claus has not healed.

And do not try carefree
Bringing home leftovers:
As naskochut mum and dad -
Half will be taken away.

* * *





DO NOT worry if
Cause school mom
Or dad. Do not hesitate,
Bring the whole family.

Let them come uncle, aunt
And second cousins.
If you have a dog,
Bring and her.



* * *







If the son of laundering,
Mom finds suddenly,
What she did not wash her son,
And someone else's someone's daughter ...

Let not nervous mom,
Well, not everything is the same to her?
No differences do not have
Between dirty children.

* * *



If you walked into a hat,
And then she was gone,
Do not worry, mom home
Can anything lie.
But try to lie beautifully,
To looking admiringly,
Breathless, my mother
For a long time listening to lies.

But if you lied
About a lost hat,
What is it in an unequal battle
You have selected a spy,
Try to mom
I do not go to resent
The foreign intelligence,
There she not understand.













* * *







Try less mom
Catches the eye -
You never know what she
Tomorrow comes into my head.

That is, make the potatoes,
That will begin to brush,
Can suddenly sneak up behind
And send for the milk.

Or jump out of the kitchen
And went to wash his hands ...
No, this is better mom
Do not ever meet.



* * *











If a friend a birthday
Invited you to her,
You leave home gift -
Useful himself.

Try to sit next to the cake.
Do not enter into the conversation.
You during a call
Twice eat less candy.

Choose smaller pieces,
To quickly swallow.
Not enough salad hands -
Spoon over zacherpnesh.

If you suddenly give nuts,
Rash them carefully in his pocket,
But do not hide to jam -
It will be difficult to remove.

* * *











If you are in your pocket
Not a penny is not found,
Look in his pocket to the neighbor - Obviously, there is money.



* * *









If your best friend
I slipped and fell,
Show other finger
And grabbing his stomach ...

Let him see, lying in a pool - You did not upset.
A true friend does not like
Grieve your friends.

* * *



Take a thick cherry juice
And my mother's white coat.
Lay a cloak gently juice - to get a spot.

Now, that was not spot
On my mother's cloak,
Cloak is necessary to put the whole
In the thick cherry juice.

Take my mother's cherry cloak
And a cup of milk.
Lay carefully the milk - a spot appears.

Now, that was not spot
On my mother's cloak,
Cloak is necessary to put the whole
In a saucepan with the milk.

Take a thick cherry juice
And my mother's white coat.
Lay carefully ...







* * *







If you stayed home
Without a single parent,
I can offer you
An interesting game.
Called "a bold chef»
Or "brave chef».

The essence of the game in the cooking
All kinds of tasty dishes.
I propose to start
Here's a simple recipe:

It should be in daddy's shoes
Pour the mother's perfume,
And then these shoes
Lubricate the shaving cream,
And water them fish oil
With black ink in half,

Throw in the soup that my mother
Cook in the morning.
And cook with the lid closed
Exactly seventy minutes.
What will you learn,
When adults come.

* * *







Hands never anywhere
Do not touch anything,
Do not get involved in anything
And do not go anywhere.

Depart on the sidelines in silence,
Be modest in the corner.
And quietly stand, without stirring,
Prior to her old age.



* * *











If you broke the window,
Do not rush to be recognized.
Wait - do not start eh
Suddenly, the Civil War.

The artillery strike,
Glass fly everywhere,
And no curse will not
For the broken window.

* * *



Never wash your hands,
Neck, ears and face.
This silly employment
It does not lead to anything.

Again, get your hands dirty,
Neck, ears and face.
So why wasting time,
Time to waste.

Stritch is also useless,
No sense:
By the age of itself
Bald head.







* * *













If chasing you
Too many people,
Rasprosy them in detail,
What are they saddened.

Try to comfort them,
Give each board,
But at the same time reduce the speed
Absolutely nowhere.

* * *









Lost child
I must remember that his
Would be taken home as soon as
He would call his address.

We must act smarter,
Say: "I live
Near the palm trees with the monkey
On the distant islands ».

Lost child,
If he is not a fool,
Do not miss the correct case
In different countries to visit.





* * *







If you are on the phone
Had called a fool
And do not wait for an answer,
Hung up lever,

Dial the number quickly
From any random numbers
And the one who answers the call,
Notify: the fool.







via # image8816660