Men's neologisms

Nelogizm alcoholic: "I am completely sober!"

... And that is why he ends up facing each holiday in a salad. After feast your man is a pitiful sight, and you have to nurse him as a child, incidentally serving as a nurse, a nurse and a doctor-psychiatrist. Because of the abundant libations your favorite invariably becomes ill. You run around with a basin, magic drops and a weak solution of potassium permanganate, write down his dictation (interrupted for parting with drunk and eaten) will, in the morning tray sufferer aspirin.

You're a drop of up to know his "dose" and gently shove favorite foot under the table, suggesting that it is time to reduce the speed. He's with unprecedented enthusiasm picks up all the toast and patronizing pats you on the shoulder: "Everything is under control!" Exactly three minutes before the start to shake a leg in public dancing drunken hedgehogs.


Since he insists on favorite drink, keeping up with the other men (the principle of "What am I not a man, or what ?!"), - controls the process. Get closer and loaded his plate with hot and fatty snacks: fatty foods are known to slow down the process of absorption of alcohol into the blood. If using persuasion and hypnosis you can convince him to take a dozen pills a feast of activated carbon, it is possible that this party will cost at least without pelvis.


Of course, you're talking to him. I am sure that this man is not the one who is more drink, and those who in time will stop. To no avail: you have low back pain because of the fact that you are on holiday for a holiday on one arm to drag him, but on the other - first aid kit! Not to carry! Once he has the right to drink, it just has the right to survive the consequences of the "masculine" behavior. Suppose he pours himself a water, bringing aspirin and a cold towel, and most importantly - removes traces of his own "courage." If this does not work, pack your things and run away as far as possible: the treatment of alcoholism - the lot of professionals, not amateurs.

Nelogizm podarkovy: "Women love perfume, flowers and toys."

... So you can correctly guess what will give you a favorite. For many years in a row. His gifts are constant as the seasons: spirits, selected at random by the unscientific, Roses steblinmi kilometer length, dust collector teddy hideous. Your timid allusions to "some surprise" unheeded: beloved saints sure that the best of spirits, flowers and soft toys for girls present there. Do you dream of the second year of a good new hard drive ...

Resigned to fate, you have to take shape in the farthest box next perfume, do not try to gouge out the eyes of others and spikes wondering whether there is not a five-year stutter your nephew, if you bear it with the muzzle peredaril killer.


Gifts really supposed to accept with joy and gratitude, so a word or glance does not show that you do not like something - you do not want to discourage him to podarkodareniyu for the rest of your life? Thoughts constructively: spirits easily peredarit (smelly - to carry in her purse instead of a gas canister), roses give the desired length of the house and a teddy freak nail above the door - let him scare away evil spirits and stray robbers.


As the scientists, men do not understand hints. Therefore Drop false modesty and say directly what you want as a gift. In order not to be in an awkward position, offer a few favorite options to choose from. If you hesitate to act in the frontal, head Wish list: stuck on the refrigerator colorful stickers with the names of gifts of your dreams, there indicates where they are sold, and size. He quickly understands the hint and will break a couple of pieces of paper to explore at leisure. You can make a collage of pictures cut from a magazine and pictures right from your point of view, presents. Collage hang on some conspicuous place. A friend of mine comes even easier: it chooses a gift online and make your address on her husband's work. He can only pay for a thing, and is proud to bring her home. Everyone is happy.

Nelogizm militant: "Now I am his ka-a-ak ladies!"

... And so it always adheres to some stories. He escorted you home late at night, when someone from dubious companies whistled you go. Last week, some ham entered the bus with a cigarette and let the smoke right in your face. The result was the same: your favorite, sniffing menacingly, got into a fight, despite the numerical superiority of the enemy or physical.

And then you midnight applying ice to his broken nose, listening to a lecture on self-defense and the Pope with his mother drank valerian (now it is found you in abundance). In the emergency room you already met as a family and as he treated war wounds, you wondered, well, why it was impossible to pass, when the boys whistled just a little bit?


In men's unwritten code of honor is an offense that can not keep an even superior enemy forces. Understand it and do not try, but you can try to avoid a fight. Once the favorite again zasopit, grab him by the arms and shout with the maximum horror: "Honey! Do not hit them! You also will be planted again! "


Shouting will not help if the same marginal already talked to your favorite "manly" and abrasions from the conversation he still heal. Have any precaution to go home in a taxi (which, however, does not guarantee that your bully will not find yourself the next adventure, for example, own the elevator), or by persuasion and blackmail to lure favorite to a psychologist who skillfully explain to him the benefits of whole edges before code of honor.

Nelogizm hardware: "I'll fix it!"

... And so in your house forever clogged sink, a shelf for a year long for a hammer and nails, faucet in the bathroom fervently gush from all the joints, and the cistern lives its own mysterious life. Your loved one is satisfied, and your prayers and threats to commit suicide by a miserable life, he solemnly vows to fix everything once will stand free time ... And again does nothing.

Desperate to take a shower under normal conditions, you're under the pretext rid loved and called the master (or even a good friend), which is two hours brought everything in order, rein in, even presumptuous cistern. Are you prepared to receive praise from men for their sharpness, but there it was: instead of "thank you" favorite sour-faced paced the apartment, petty carping at every nail hammered a foreign hand.


You questioned his ability to "men's" work and opted for another man in establishing relations with sink. Now he feels unnecessary and useless, so you have to go all out to dissuade him in this. With the most sincere person apologize and justify their unpardonable levity desire not to load his trifles, a man with a phenomenal level of IQ, which it is not necessary to score his shiny head with such trifles as broken plugs.


Released two. The first - to cause the master without telling her man about home issues. Rather, he decides that the crane stopped flowing somehow by itself. The second - to spread the tools and start to unscrew what-there-have-you-broke. Believe me, even the lazy and cruel man being not survive the ride, "a young lady with a hammer" and then will rush to show you how to do real men. That, in fact, wanted, right?

All these strange, from your point of view, the actions he performs because he from Mars, where all competing with each other, and you're from Venus, where all the fun chirping about epilation. Most importantly - do not laugh at him, do not be angry and do not try to alter and force to act "like a normal person." Because the "normal people" - the girls. And you fell in love with it is a man, is not it? Even with some neologisms.


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