2 Basic Options Relationship to Your Child

Every parent strives to do everything possible for their child, but often approaches to parenting can be very different. Every parent has two basic options for their child. The first option is that parents see in their child "flaws" that need to be corrected. The second option is to accept the child as he is, with his strengths and weaknesses. Understanding these approaches will help parents choose the healthiest and most effective way to interact with their children.

The First Option: Focus on Deficiencies
In this approach, parents tend to notice and emphasize those aspects of the child’s behavior or character that they believe need correction. For example, if a child is shy, prefers to avoid conflict, or is accommodating, parents may start looking for ways to change those qualities.
“Parents who constantly criticize and try to change a child may inadvertently undermine their self-esteem and self-confidence.” – Dr. Anna Kovaleva

Reasons for choosing the first option
Many parents choose this approach for various reasons:

• Comparison with other children: Parents may compare their child to peers or standards, leading to expectations and criticism.
• Personal experience: Parents who have experienced difficulties in childhood can project their expectations onto the child.
• Fear for the future: Worrying that "some qualities may harm" a child in the future

Consequences of Focus on Deficiencies
This approach can have a number of negative consequences for the child:

• Low self-esteem: Constant criticism can lead to feelings of inferiority.
• Fear of expressing emotions: The child may begin to hide their feelings to avoid criticism.
• Reduced motivation: Feeling that their efforts are not being appreciated can demotivate a child.

Second Option: Adopting a Child
The second approach is to accept the child as he is, with his unique qualities and characteristics. Parents seek to understand and support their child rather than trying to change them.
“Accepting a child as he is contributes to the development of his self-confidence and emotional stability” – Dr. Sergey Ivanov, psychotherapist.

Benefits of Adopting a Child
This approach has many positive aspects:

• High self-esteem: The child feels valued and accepted, which strengthens his self-confidence.
• Emotional openness: Acceptance ensures that the child freely expresses his emotions.
• Personal growth: The child feels supported in developing their strengths and unique abilities.

How to apply the second option in practice?
Parents can use the following strategies to adopt a child:

• Active hearing: Listen carefully to the child, showing interest in his thoughts and feelings.
• Support: Support your child in their hobbies and interests, even if they are different from yours.
• Empathy: Try to understand the perspective of the child and his inner world.
• Positive reinforcement: Praise your child for achievement and effort, not just results.

Advice for Parents:

• Avoid comparisons with other children and focus on your child’s individual accomplishments.
• Develop open and honest communication so that your child feels comfortable sharing their experiences.
• Maintain a balance between discipline and freedom so that the child can develop independence.
• Work on your own prejudices and expectations to better accept your child as he or she is.
• Seek professional help if you feel that it is difficult to accept the child completely.

Expert opinion
Psychologists and specialists in the upbringing of children agree that adopting a child contributes to his healthy development and the formation of a positive attitude towards himself.
“Accepting a child as he or she is creates the foundation for a healthy relationship and promotes emotional well-being.” – Dr. Marina Kovaleva, Child Psychologist

Stories From Life
Many parents share their stories about how the changing approach to a child has affected their relationship and child development:

• Ekaterina, 35: “When I stopped comparing my son to other children and started accepting him for who he was, our relationship became much stronger. He became more confident and began to show his unique talents. ?
• Alexey, 40: My child was very shy and I tried to push him to be more active for a long time. When I realized it was important to accept him as he was, he became more open and happy. ?
• Maria, 28 years old: “After consulting a psychologist, I have learned to better understand my daughter’s needs and support her in her development. It helped her become more self-reliant and self-confident.

Conclusion
Choosing an approach to raising a child plays a key role in his development and emotional well-being. Focusing on flaws can lead to lower self-esteem and emotional isolation, whereas accepting a child for who they are contributes to their self-confidence and healthy relationships. It is important for parents to be aware of their own expectations and strive to support and understand their child in order to create a harmonious and happy family.
“Every child is unique, and accepting them as they are helps unlock their potential and make them happy.” – Dr. Anna Lebedeva
Remember that a healthy parent-child relationship is built on understanding, respect and support. Strive to make your child feel loved and accepted and you will see your relationship grow stronger and happier.