Valery Panyushkin: 5 rules for parents against burnout

Speech of Valery Panyushkin, a journalist and public figure, the father of four children and expert "desperation" to "SelfMamaForum" in which he shared his thoughts about how parents can avoid burnout: In some ways I am an expert on despair. Twenty years I write about seriously ill children. I am often asked what I do to not go crazy. Over the years I have developed five rules against burnout.

I believe that these rules are useful to all parents, especially mothers. Because being a parent is an emotional work, and any emotional work sooner or later happens to a burnout.

Emotional work, on the one hand, exciting, gives you the creative power, and with another – burns, especially if you behave properly.


The first rule is to accurately determine the target. For example, when I write about a sick child, I do not aim to cure it is to treat the child's doctor. I do not aim to collect money – they will collect the Fund. I aim to talk about the child's history. All point.

Raise children the same. When I stay with children, I try to very clearly articulate their purpose. Why am I here? To raise a happy man? – No. To grow a successful? – No. I'm just making sure they didn't hurt. It helps to save energy.

The following rule, which I developed, is that we need to abandon gratitude. The expectation of gratitude is a terrible thing that pulls a lot of power. In my practice there was a girl cancer for which we collected half a million dollars. One and a half million! And she was gone. It happens.

Do not expect from children that they will match embedded in them effort or nerves, or money. I imagine it's just banned. If I give my child Second concert of Rachmaninov, but he still prefer Metallica is not my thing! My job is to put a Second concert.

And Rachmaninoff will love it or not – his choice. I know that deny the recognition is very difficult, but it is a very important remedy for burnout.


The third rule is: do not seek to "hurt good". It is not necessary to catch up with the person and say: "Now I'll make you well!" And anyone – wife, husband, child. The children themselves are drawn to knowledge, so it makes no sense to run after them who have not learned how to walk and saying, "Look, it's the primer!", or: "Here are letters!", or: "Come, I'll take you to the sensory room!".

He doesn't want to touch the room, he everywhere finds the new sensation. "Good cause" children do not need. It consumes a lot of energy, and brings no benefit.

The fourth rule from burnout: a must-have supervisor. Find someone who you believe. Someone who will be able to come and say: "You're tired, and you will believe. And believe it, even if you have already completely demolished the tower." Because in the normal state, and you know that they are tired.

But in that situation when you are so tired that is not able to figure out, just need a trusted person. Someone who can, not taking advantage of this, to give you good advice, or just to listen.

Finally, the fifth rule is sports. Alcohol too is a good thing, but it gives side effects. But sport is what you need. Personally, I prefer Boxing. Do you know why? It is necessary to choose the sports in which it is difficult to Skive. In Boxing, as soon as you start to boil the pot, immediately get in the nose. Great sport!


And the last thing I want to say: do not be afraid of failures. Not so long ago we popularly favorite actress Chulpan Khamatova discussed her Foundation, in which I take rather an active part. The Foundation exists already for seven years, and there was not a single day when we would have the feeling of success. On the contrary, every day there was a feeling that nothing happens, that's absolutely!

But when you look back you realize that ten years ago in Russia, children, patients with blood cancer, died in 96% of cases, and now in 75% of cases they recover, and that, in General, do we...

This is an amazing effect, when you have every day is bad, and you look awesome everything turned out! In my opinion, children are absolutely the same story. Every day, you are feeling that nothing happens, and then look – what a beautiful rose!

Don't know if you can help these rules to find the energy, but it certainly will help not to lose. published


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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