9 signs that you are dependent on someone else’s approval: How to find inner freedom

"I care what others think." How to recognize dependence on someone else’s opinion and stop living in other people’s scenarios


The neurochemistry of approval: Why We Become “Praise Addicts”
A study from the California Institute of Technology found that obtaining social approval activates nucleus The brain is the same area responsible for cocaine addiction. But if drugs destroy the lives of 2% of the population, the need for constant proof of value, according to the WHO, reduces the quality of life in 68% of adults. How do you recognize this invisible trap?


1. Imaginary audience syndrome: When the world becomes a stage

• Check messages more than 3 times an hour, waiting for a reaction to the post
• Mentally rehearse everyday dialogues as theater monologues
• Refuse to wear bright clothes for fear of becoming noticeable

The Stanford experiment (2020) showed that 89% of people with this syndrome unconsciously copy the facial expressions of the interlocutor, losing touch with their own emotions.


2. Choice paralysis: “What will a mother/friend/colleague say?”

• Spend more time thinking about the reaction of others than the decision.
• Choosing a job/hobby/partner approved by your environment rather than your heart
• Feeling physically uncomfortable making decisions without advice

“Freedom begins where you recognize that others’ opinions are their neural pathways, not your reality.” – Mark Manson

3. Emotional camouflage: The art of being "comfortable"

• Laugh at jokes that seem offensive
• Adjust the pace of speech and timbre of voice for the interlocutor
• Afraid to say no, even at the expense of personal resources

A University of Toronto study found that chronic suppression of personality increases the risk of depression by 4.7 times.


4. Impostor syndrome: Success seems like a mistake.

• Able to accept a compliment only through a joke or denial
• Explain achievements by external factors (“I’m just lucky”)
• Afraid to take responsibility, even as an expert

5. Digital Validation: Laiki as a Currency of Self Value

• Delete the photo if you have not received 50+ likes in an hour
• Write posts in 3 editions, testing on a focus group
• Check the online activity of others more often than your own goals

According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1 hour on social networks reduces self-esteem by 32% in people with a high need for approval.


How to reprogram the system: 4 steps by the ACT method

1. Cognitive defusion: Observe value thoughts like clouds – they exist but don’t define you
2. A value compass: Make a List of 5 Immutable Principles Unrelated to Others
3. Micro-rebels: Do small “uncomfortable” things every day (like going out without makeup)
4. Empty chair technique: Visualize criticism and respond to it by defending your boundaries.

Anthropology of independence: Why this is evolutionarily beneficial
A 2023 study in Nature Human Behaviour revealed a paradox: tribes that valued individuality were 40 percent more likely to survive crises. As anthropologist Jared Diamond explains, “Genetic diversity—the analogue of mental autonomy—is the key to adaptation.”


Conclusion: When your opinion becomes important
Approval addiction is not a weakness, but an ancient survival mechanism that has become dysfunctional in the modern world. But the neuroplasticity of the brain allows you to rewrite these patterns: as practice shows, 90 days of conscious work change behavior patterns. Start small and say thank you, not the mirror.