Painful freedom Bashny.Net

To cope with the difficulties, you need a healthy form of aggression and interest — Pie! Proooooo! — the whole store screamed a young woman. — Patty, come here and look at the cake I chose.
She ran towards the chubby boy of eight. Pie.

At work I often deal with frozen designs phrase entrenched in the minds of those who sits in front of me. And here I present as a friable pale skin guy in the future will look upon me lifeless eyes, and behind that door he will wait for a grandmother, who for the therapy and paid because the boy something.And what happened to him maybe if he Patty?



Girls look at the brazen and lean guys, or smart, but not pies, because pies — they are for grandma. Becoming an adult, the person gradually develops the self. It consists of how it relates to family, then friends and school teachers, depends on the temperament and stability of himself, that is, from genetic characteristics. So formed healthy self-esteem.

To diagnose using simple test you can conduct at home by yourself or with a child. Take sheet of paper and on it is drawn a vertical line. The statement is this: "Imagine that at the top are the most successful (handsome/smart/successful, etc) people and the bottom — most unsuccessful. Determine where you are".

Adequate positioning yourself closer to the top edge, just above the middle. Because it is important to have a place to go. But often teenagers or people in severe stressful condition is skewed either up or down.

Reaction of denial — I'm the best — or depressive reaction really is a bad indication.





Then you need to watch, or a narcissistic injury in which the person "swinging "I'm the king I'm nothing"" or is there something else.

So, if you go back to the original hero, it is necessary to start talking about separation. Because, while his guardian, he will not become a person, he will be someone to hold me. Someone will be for him to decide he can't live a day without the destructive relatives ' support.

We live in a narcissistic world, and each estimates the other's mind, in appearance or in strength, and yet, there's no escape. In order to cope with the difficulties, you need a healthy form of aggression and interest.

If you look at children, starting from the age of three they become different, unbearable, some would say adults. But in fact, in addition to the qualities they have laid an important part of shaping their future interest.

At the age of 3-6 years the child is interested in everything, especially the adult world. He begins to emulate, to find themselves, develop their creativity, and he is ready to fight for every passion till the end — those whims.

The task of the adult — not to suppress it, and to learn to negotiate with them, with family, with the world. But this child, he is very flexible and sensitive to any influences.

What to do as an adult, if the formation of personality violated?

Another adult woman says: "I am your son broke twice in three years and seventeen". And she's proud of it. What about him? And no one asked that adults decide. And of course he will be broken, and will choose their own destiny, and become a military, will be life to live in obedience until do not learn to override other, weaker (by the way it happened).

It is so arranged that while the separation is not completed, there will be all forms of violence, and they will be justified by love. To get rid of illusions is hard. This is one of the most painful losses throughout the life of the person. I know that everyone is able to build a lasting relationship, to create a family, but that he should take his own steps towards the future.

That is, to seek their own interests, separate from the parent family, to start at least physically — to move, and then to explore their own areas of sensitivity.

In psychotherapy work about the separation can be very long and connected with a huge amount of resistance. But not active and passive.Because the more time a person depends on the parents, the worse for him to walk independently. And he will cling to any opportunity in order not to leave, to stay, even if he'll complain every day.

And as a patient after a long coma need rehabilitation and assistance even in walking on crutches and he will need every day to overcome her own several metres of a painful freedom.

The balance of love is a very fragile thing. Often out of trouble for the future of adults overdoing it in your custody, wish to protect, to protect from the hardships and miseries of the real world. I say that because I find it difficult to cope with his neurotic attachment to those who need support.But the power is brought up through obstacles, and trust is a manifestation of intimacy, not weakness. published

 

Author: Daria Grosheva

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: //psychologytoday.ru/public/boleznennaya-svoboda/