2 exhausting of the role of women — "eternal lover" or "deceived wife» Bashny.Net

Women's frequent requests for therapy is the best in the exhausting role of the "eternal mistress" or "deceived wife." Fundamentally, the seemingly different roles, but equally deadly impact on the psyche and quality of life of women. In the attempt to study the origins of these problems, I propose to move from the particular to the General, and to speculate about different types of women, and how these "types" formed".

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Watching what is happening in the information space (and no, social.network, TV, plenty of books on the topic, etc.), and considering the information flow, as a cut from the collective mind of our time, can be very disappointing conclusion: we are all hostages dense stereotypes!

The function of the stereotype, certainly, is useful: these are generalizations that help us in our daily lives.

Stereotypes play an important role — they unload the brain, classifying, thematisiert, summarizing and simplifying information, correlating it with any familiar pattern.

Indeed, no one person can do in life without certain automatism in thinking, as to think afresh each situation none of us had neither the strength nor the time. Because every time when faced with any phenomenon, the brain would have to re-create the idea of it (good-bad, beneficial-harmful, etc.) — and this is a gigantic work, especially when you consider that we are constantly surrounded by hundreds and thousands of different phenomena and situations. But there is also a negative trait — they limit our thinking and don't allow to go beyond the usual perception of the world.

For example, according to stereotypes, effective today, a REAL woman should be: emotional, weak, dependent, and therefore feminine.

Based on templates and stereotypes that society creates a simplified typology of women: "woman is the mother of", "femme fatale", "thunder Baba", "predator", etc., etc. At the same time, the naked eye is visible to each functional task: "homemakers", "decoration living room", "big sex»…

But, again, if you go the way of generalization and simplification, this diversity can be seen two main running a red line, women's quality:motherhood and sexuality.

Woman for the "family" and a woman for "pleasure" are two different women! Why, in the mass consciousness (a fact!) is two, not very compatible with each other characteristics? In understanding this phenomenon, you can refer to the logic archiepiscopo thinking, and to consider two very familiar for us, polar archetypes: Lilith and eve.

It is believed that the source of the myth of Lilith is in the Bible: in the first two chapters of Genesis for each other sets out two different stories of creation of man. First, God creates out of dust a man and a woman. Then the second Chapter tells a completely different story about the creation of Adam from the dust of being in the Paradise, the creation of woman from the rib him.

"After the creation blessed the first human being, Adam, He said, "it is not Good that Adam was alone" (Gen 2:18). He created woman from the dust, and called her Lilith. They immediately popranolol. She said, "I will never fall under you! He said, "I will not lie beneath you, but only on top of you. You be fit (ready) to be beneath me and me on top of you." She replied: "We are both equal because we both from the dust (earth)". None of them listened to the other. When Lilith realized what would happen, then uttered the Ineffable Name of God and flew away. Adam also lifted up their prayers to the Creator, saying, "the Lord of the universe! The woman You gave me, flew from me. Immediately Almighty, Blessed be His Name, he sent three angels after her. God told Adam: "If she comes back, then all is well. If she refuses, you will have to accept that one hundred of her children will die every day."("Return to Lilith" Dorfman, Michael).

So, Lilith was Adam's first wife. It was created, like Adam, from clay and ashes and immediately started a dispute with her husband about equality. We are both equal, she said, because made of a single material. None of them listened to the other. Most peoples have myths about the female riot. Numerous motives causing such a riot. The myth of Lilith, probably, in this respect unique. It is difficult to remember any other myth, when a woman would rise solely in the name of equality. In the works of countless classics – unearthly beautiful Lilith is opposed to simple, everyday eve as in this poem by Nikolai Gumilev:

"Lilith — inaccessible constellations crown,

In countries diamond sun bloom;

And eve — and children, and a flock of sheep, In the garden potatoes and home comfort."…

 

No matter how happy Adam, fed, caressed, lulled by eve, at night, he still longs for dull the wretch, whose name he did not even dare to call.

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Quote taken from article in LJ describes very well the process of splitting of femininity in the public mind: "So who is this Lilith? The demon, always the evildoer, or the fairest of women? Probably, both together. Thanks to this duality, and continues to live the legend of Lilith; that is why every man looks for in his lady not only to be "faithful wife and virtuous mother", but also something elusive... what distinguishes the daughters of Lilith from the daughters of eve. What madmen and poets called "embodied femininity".

It doesn't matter that the immortal daughter of Lilith, forever tantalizing, forever fleeing, forever unattainable – not capable of love but they are loved as never dreamed of women, wives, completely deprived of this wonderful quality – diligent, loyal, forgiving…

But men eager to give their lives for a moment of bliss in the arms of the daughters of Lilith, too, can understand. Living a normal life sometimes needs strong shocks, which we are accustomed to call "stupidity", "cruelty", "treachery", "betrayal".

We see at least two faces of woman: eve, the obedient wife of her husband, in all agreeing with him, not daring to contradict, knowing his place beside him, given the history of its origin (the body part of Adam's "flesh of his flesh") are not daring and do not have a right to claim equality with the Mouth of the most high, is relegated to a subordinate position (for "husband "is the head of the wife"!), and should "...but fear of her husband" and also, "breed and breed".

Eve is the symbol of support for her husband, an integral part of it, the potential mother of his children, and, therefore, this model of women's behaviour in society for centuries, not only approved, but, and is recognized as the only correct one!

Lilith – active, active, having strength and resources to oppose the man, relying on himself, not recognizing the primacy of men over themselves. Knowing your strengths, sensitive, skillfully using her sexuality. It imposes stringent requirements to the man, and all she needs from a man is sexual pleasure. At the same time, Lilith does not allow the man to have the main role in a woman's life is to become the father of her child. Motherhood makes her vulnerable and dependent on her husband, so Lilith is deprived of joy of motherhood.

The most striking feature, Lilith is the desire for complete, unlimited freedom. She may refuse her husband, the man poses a great threat to the very existence of a Patriarchal society, and therefore, the female hypostasis for centuries was frowned upon, not accepted by society, condemned and seen as negative.

So, what do we have?

Female image is split, divided into two parts. One part is responsible for the characteristic Lilith quality is very attractive to men, at the same time frightening them: this woman is unpredictable, competes with a man, and is out of his control. Men crave and simultaneously fear Lilith.

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The second part of the women's I is a quality inherent in eve. Mother, wife, military girlfriend, homemakers and reliable support, understanding, accepting, sacrificing himself for the good of the family. It is reliable, dependent, and therefore controlled and controllable. It is comfortable and familiar, like Slippers! This stability, predictability and hence security. It has always been, is and will be! The core values of eve is the welfare of the family!

Men (because of their immature psychological characteristics, protection) splitting the image of the woman, is not able to integrate in their perception of the different women in the same way, I prefer to divide women on Lilith and eve, dobera on the side of what is lacking with the main partner, for example, forming a classic "love triangle", so exhausting for everyone and not bringing in the end of satisfaction to anyone!

Women (because of the same reasons) are also in the process of splitting ignore one part of who I am, identificeres with another, more acceptable (eve wife, Lilith – mistress), losing thereby the opportunity to be one harmonious whole.

Losing energy eve – the woman deprived of the opportunity to happiness full marriage. Ignoring the energy of Lilith – the woman blocks the energy of sexuality and healthy aggression, is necessary for personal development.

The conflict between Lilith and eve – the conflict between absolute freedom (read alone) against absolute relationship with a man (read addiction). In this case, the unrecognized part is experienced as a loss of themselves, their desires, ignoring their feelings and needs. Fixing only one of the roles, as well encourages the woman to participate in the "love triangle" performing the function, which lacks a pair.

Therapy allows us to consider how a process of splitting at the individual level that affects this process as it is implemented in a woman's life, and also allows you to integrate the splintered parts of ourselves into one. The adoption of all aspects of self in equal proportions, is the opportunity to be themselves. published 

 

Author: Yulia Radionova

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.b17.ru/article/46858/