Son, 7 years old, asks:
 - Mom, when you were little, you have a TV remote was?
 - My son, if there was pultik were televisions switch.
After that, the child came to life, and so interested in asking:
 - Mom, you saw and the dinosaur?

On the plane, on vacation in tropical countries, flying two blondes. Suddenly, a red face and tears start flowing creek.
 - Honey, what's wrong ?!
 - Damn, I just can not like envy you! You are so happily married, you have a husband understands!
 - How do you know ??? You're my husband almost did not know!
 - Why, when we said goodbye at the airport with their husbands, to me my:
"Change - to kill ... just try to make a novel out there - learn legs tear ...»
Absolutely stupid graven image, does not understand that I need on holiday to relax, to feel again the woman!
And your so sweet and caring, and just said, "Let there be more careful ...»

Dad Goes to eight years old son in a streetcar.
Sonny looks out the window and commented:
 - WOW! Live horse!
Dad, not looking up from the paper, stick in synochku savory slap:
 - To me these American catchwords no longer heard! How should we talk about?
 - BL @! .. A horse! ..

One student came to the Sensei and asked:
 - What is society?
And Sensei replied:
 - Society - as the river, which floats shit. If you are inside it - you can see a mixture of water with the by shit. If you are standing on the shore - you see shit, and you do not notice the water, and if you stand far away - you can see the water and you do not notice shit.

The new Russian was the son of a virgin. Dad decided to do it on the 16th anniversary cool surprise gift - Woman-virgin. Calls son on mobile, type ezzhaj son to the country what to do next - prompt. Son comes, goes upstairs and sees in the center of the room where the bed is a seductive girl in a dressing gown. At this time, calling his father:
 - You see a cow?
 - I see
 - "Christmas tree" is?
(Son neponyatkah about the Christmas tree. Looks out the window and see the Christmas tree outside the window.):
 - Yes.
 - Jump to it!
Son throws open the window and jump to the tree. After a while, the father calls his son:
 - Well, how? There was blood?
 - Yes. From the nose and out of your ears.
Father (admiringly):
 - Well, you're a sadist !!!

It comes a man in a provincial restaurant. Capital clothes on him, though poiznoshennaya. He sits down, calls up the waiter.
 - Tell me, do you have fish?
 - Salmon, salmon, sterlet ...
 - No, I capelin, some, worse and povonyuchey.
 - Okay, now deli drove ...
The guy thoughtfully:
-And It is necessary to prepare for a special recipe ...
 - ???
 - You are it, please do not wash, do not thaw, do not clean ...
 - ???
 - Salts more, but on the one hand !!! On the other pepper nafigachte heart. Yes! And it needs to fry without oil! Just throw in the pan, so she was burned on one side, and the other was a crude ...
The waiter takes a loss. A man calls out to him.
 - And when will I serve the fish to the table, please, it is not served in any way.
Just throw me across the room to the table and say sternly so: "Eat a dog !!!"
The waiter shrugs and carries everything exactly as requested ...
Raschuvstvovshiysya man, with tears in his eyes gives him 500 bucks for tea, hugging the shoulders and the waiter says:
 - Three months on a business trip ... By the wife missed, no strength ...

Sitting little boy with his mother in one of the public gardens ...
 - Mom, Mom! And we Finns have been in the family?
 - No, son, it was not.
 - Mom, Mom! And we Estonians were in the family?
 - No, son, it was not.
 - Well, Figl Well I did so I brake !?

 - Remember in the movie "Total Recall" with Schwarzenegger about Mars, there was such a female mutant with three breasts? Remember? You see. This is something you will remember, and Newton's third law is not!

 - What simpampunchik! How old are you? - Elegant lady exclaimed at the sight of grandparents walking with a tiny grandson.
 - Seventy-four - flattered sniffles grandfather.

On the bus, the girl starts ringing phone - such a sweet song Ukupnik A. "I am on you will never marry».
She picks up the phone and evil-prezlym voice begins to speak:
 - Hello ...
- ...
 - Because I have to listen to this fucking song ...
- ...
 - I can not change - you're her recovery record, with $ ka !!!

Stop. Suitable bus. Intelligent-looking man passes all along. Sam tries to go to the last. And he presses the door neck. The bus moves off. - B ... b !!! P ... u !!! Stay nah !!! ... E tear to the pits as the head !!! The driver slows down, the door opens. Chel comes to the salon, straightens his tie, and appeals to all: - I'm sorry. He was scared.


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