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What you need to know about my anger
Bashny.Net
"I'm angry? No, thank you! Just really want to matter, and even fists and jaws themselves are compressed. I practice yoga and know how to relax..."
Why anger in a relationship?
"You love me, you want to know and understand me, you wish I could understand you, we like to create a sense of deep sharing. But if in the moment, anger is a part of me? For a moment, I – and my anger, too? And you only like tenderness... Then what, I now have to go to the sidelines to wait until the anger subsides before I go back to being the "caramel"?
But then you'll never know who I am as a whole... a part of my aspirations, desires and needs behind the anger, whole chunks of life and situations that will have to remain out of contact, all of which I will not be able to share. Just because you're afraid of anger and you feel uncomfortable to be next to the person with negative emotions.
Fifty eight million six hundred eighty nine thousand five hundred forty five
Especially if I'm mad at you. Behind this anger is my need in our relationship, that anger is how I feel obstacles in our relations, for that anger is an opportunity for me to show how much I need something.
Opportunity for you to hear the true power of my desire. If I leave all that aside – a piece of our relationship we can't survive together, we will have to conjecture each other alone, building useless assumptions.
If I don't get the opportunity to speak about my anger, the energy continues to live inside me. And I have to control that energy out in the form of "random" pins, sarcasm, banter. So either I'm stressed and control myself to stay sweet (strange kind of tenderness, Yes?), or I start relieving stress anger at "jokes". Neither that, nor another is not conducive to intimacy and does not increase trust. Neither one nor the other will help you relax with me, alas. And I ultimately want to do.
Of course, contact is only possible provided that I am able to sincerely speak what I feel angry and choose not to offensive to you words. It doesn't work if I gotta take it out on small occasions and do not venture to speak of the main. Sincerity requires courage from me, too.
The expression of anger, for me it's about TRUST. This is a very cool level of trust, much more than "hug" and different tenderness. Because I need to be sure that you can't leave, can listen, will not collapse, will remain and will answer truthfully. When I have THIS experience with a person – the only thing that is for me a real relationship. Of course, mutual experience, in both directions.
There's something I need to Express anger. I need to know what the value of the relationship with me more than the current emotional comfort. So you will be able to hear me and to meet my anger. To accept me as raging, and maybe even rage and fury. And not to take the blame, not to accuse me of the type "fault", but to recognize that we alone, together, with an equal degree of responsibility created a situation and continue to create, and to just take this situation TOGETHER.
And I should know in another moment you'll be able to trust me with your anger, especially anger at me. I'm not always "honey", you can talk disgusting things, could be wrong, can't help but notice something. And I don't want you moving away from me."
But if both people in a pair of strong anger? Still, the contact is based on the fact that someone translates, someone perceives, and it is not a simultaneous action. In harmonious contact people change regularly these roles. When both "emotion" – someone will have to make a willful effort to put my feelings and listen to partner. But then do not forget to ask your partner to do the same.
Any emotion is "wave". No need to be afraid that it is "forever." The wave does not stop at the peak. Expressed and expressed emotion weakens. Although completely solves the emotion only work with that need, which this emotion is signaled. Once anger is expressed, we can easily discuss, analyze, negotiate, bargain, exchange of concessions and agreements, to try to distinguish the important from what you can sacrifice. By law, the process of experiencing reflexive stage is far more effective after they have been lived stage of emotional response.
Usually we are afraid to destroy the relationship with anger. Such experience. Parents swore, punished, banished or shamed us from childhood anger, and we believed them, and often continue to do the same. Many of our parents paid for this formalism in the relationship. In the last century all the other tasks were. The question of survival was the focus, not a question of sincerity and emotional contact. We can make another choice. Am definitely interested in another.
And more. Sometimes people think that to Express anger is only entitled to the one who is right. Only the "righteous anger" has a right to exist. And the one who is angry, often struggling to explain: "well, you're wrong, what are you angry". That is confusing. The hypothetical "right", it is always relative, tied to someone else's rules (who set the rules?).
Anger is also a real feeling associated with the frustration of needs, obstacles to realization of intentions and aspirations. "Who is right" – is a separate issue; it must not be mixed with the expression of emotions. Expressing emotions in contact, we are committed to understanding and intimacy. But figuring out who is right, we are trying to "pull the rules on their side" and to find arguments for their own authority, to suppress another by using the "rules". And it's not about the closeness.
People made out of anger of a terrible demon, which hopefully should not be allowed in space. Meanwhile, anger (like all emotions) is the part of the psyche and cannot be removed, as it is impossible to cut off an arm or a leg.
Ellen Henriksen: learn to refuse without feeling guilty
Guarantees of success no. Do what you like
If we mean a separate individual, in this context, anger is just the energy released by the body in response to any obstacles. Which, ideally, should be directed at overcoming obstacles.
"Walking down the road, on the way across the beam, the body needs extra energy to continue the movement. Angry, and jumped (or sawed)". But this is different comes out. And you can yell to start the log. And waving his fists. The trick is to energy, perceived as anger, learn to concentrate and direct.
Well, in the context of relationships all the more interesting. As linked needs two people. And anger is the chance of those needs at least to know. If you're interested...posted
Author: Eugene Tikhvin
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.b17.ru/article/zlost_otnoshenia/
Why anger in a relationship?
"You love me, you want to know and understand me, you wish I could understand you, we like to create a sense of deep sharing. But if in the moment, anger is a part of me? For a moment, I – and my anger, too? And you only like tenderness... Then what, I now have to go to the sidelines to wait until the anger subsides before I go back to being the "caramel"?
But then you'll never know who I am as a whole... a part of my aspirations, desires and needs behind the anger, whole chunks of life and situations that will have to remain out of contact, all of which I will not be able to share. Just because you're afraid of anger and you feel uncomfortable to be next to the person with negative emotions.
Fifty eight million six hundred eighty nine thousand five hundred forty five
Especially if I'm mad at you. Behind this anger is my need in our relationship, that anger is how I feel obstacles in our relations, for that anger is an opportunity for me to show how much I need something.
Opportunity for you to hear the true power of my desire. If I leave all that aside – a piece of our relationship we can't survive together, we will have to conjecture each other alone, building useless assumptions.
If I don't get the opportunity to speak about my anger, the energy continues to live inside me. And I have to control that energy out in the form of "random" pins, sarcasm, banter. So either I'm stressed and control myself to stay sweet (strange kind of tenderness, Yes?), or I start relieving stress anger at "jokes". Neither that, nor another is not conducive to intimacy and does not increase trust. Neither one nor the other will help you relax with me, alas. And I ultimately want to do.
Of course, contact is only possible provided that I am able to sincerely speak what I feel angry and choose not to offensive to you words. It doesn't work if I gotta take it out on small occasions and do not venture to speak of the main. Sincerity requires courage from me, too.
The expression of anger, for me it's about TRUST. This is a very cool level of trust, much more than "hug" and different tenderness. Because I need to be sure that you can't leave, can listen, will not collapse, will remain and will answer truthfully. When I have THIS experience with a person – the only thing that is for me a real relationship. Of course, mutual experience, in both directions.
There's something I need to Express anger. I need to know what the value of the relationship with me more than the current emotional comfort. So you will be able to hear me and to meet my anger. To accept me as raging, and maybe even rage and fury. And not to take the blame, not to accuse me of the type "fault", but to recognize that we alone, together, with an equal degree of responsibility created a situation and continue to create, and to just take this situation TOGETHER.
And I should know in another moment you'll be able to trust me with your anger, especially anger at me. I'm not always "honey", you can talk disgusting things, could be wrong, can't help but notice something. And I don't want you moving away from me."
But if both people in a pair of strong anger? Still, the contact is based on the fact that someone translates, someone perceives, and it is not a simultaneous action. In harmonious contact people change regularly these roles. When both "emotion" – someone will have to make a willful effort to put my feelings and listen to partner. But then do not forget to ask your partner to do the same.
Any emotion is "wave". No need to be afraid that it is "forever." The wave does not stop at the peak. Expressed and expressed emotion weakens. Although completely solves the emotion only work with that need, which this emotion is signaled. Once anger is expressed, we can easily discuss, analyze, negotiate, bargain, exchange of concessions and agreements, to try to distinguish the important from what you can sacrifice. By law, the process of experiencing reflexive stage is far more effective after they have been lived stage of emotional response.
Usually we are afraid to destroy the relationship with anger. Such experience. Parents swore, punished, banished or shamed us from childhood anger, and we believed them, and often continue to do the same. Many of our parents paid for this formalism in the relationship. In the last century all the other tasks were. The question of survival was the focus, not a question of sincerity and emotional contact. We can make another choice. Am definitely interested in another.
And more. Sometimes people think that to Express anger is only entitled to the one who is right. Only the "righteous anger" has a right to exist. And the one who is angry, often struggling to explain: "well, you're wrong, what are you angry". That is confusing. The hypothetical "right", it is always relative, tied to someone else's rules (who set the rules?).
Anger is also a real feeling associated with the frustration of needs, obstacles to realization of intentions and aspirations. "Who is right" – is a separate issue; it must not be mixed with the expression of emotions. Expressing emotions in contact, we are committed to understanding and intimacy. But figuring out who is right, we are trying to "pull the rules on their side" and to find arguments for their own authority, to suppress another by using the "rules". And it's not about the closeness.
People made out of anger of a terrible demon, which hopefully should not be allowed in space. Meanwhile, anger (like all emotions) is the part of the psyche and cannot be removed, as it is impossible to cut off an arm or a leg.
Ellen Henriksen: learn to refuse without feeling guilty
Guarantees of success no. Do what you like
If we mean a separate individual, in this context, anger is just the energy released by the body in response to any obstacles. Which, ideally, should be directed at overcoming obstacles.
"Walking down the road, on the way across the beam, the body needs extra energy to continue the movement. Angry, and jumped (or sawed)". But this is different comes out. And you can yell to start the log. And waving his fists. The trick is to energy, perceived as anger, learn to concentrate and direct.
Well, in the context of relationships all the more interesting. As linked needs two people. And anger is the chance of those needs at least to know. If you're interested...posted
Author: Eugene Tikhvin
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.b17.ru/article/zlost_otnoshenia/
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