Planktonavty Bashny.Net

My boss, lest they shall turn his accounts, active recreation and a rare tyrant. The best years of his life he divided equally between the barracks and secret bunker, which left an indelible mark on special it is already a difficult character.
Somehow, the new year, he gathered us on the meeting and casting a contemptuous vzgyad spoken:
 - Well, amoeba, completely blurred? Since the new year will go to fitness. EVERYTHING!
I wrote to you the annual corporate subscriptions. 50% pay themselves, 50% of firms.
 - And who will not go - there was a timid voice.
 - And who, damn, do not go - go. On military training. In the field, in the tent. Will coils run and 40 perform the task in the cold, lousy communicators. Oh, and the navigator have? Well, then, will be cleaned on Vzletka Voenvede. While on-gugal mepe not see the results. We are hunting military commissar we go along, so no problems.
 - And yet - in the yard crisis, and lack of team spirit and the rejection of corporate values ​​- a direct way to the unemployment office. So go ahead, my combat slugs. Homeland jealous of you.
Pulling stomachs, we wandered through the offices and continued condemnation of official grandeur dolboebizma in ICQ. I must say that the owner of the sports club chef also goes hunting. In addition, he plays billiards, riding a horse, paragliding and swimming diving, which guarantees us a lot of fine future of entertainment is almost half the price. In addition, the gift horse, as they say, do not look under the tail.
The next day the boss called us to his one, popped in the face printout daveshny asechnogo log, and depending on the gravity of sins assigned penance. I went to weightlifting. Considering that in the last 15 years I have served only two exercises - lying bench chest and lifting the neck standing up, it was tantamount to a death sentence.
As you know the expectation of punishment - the punishment itself. New Year celebrations held in dejection. As I was preparing forces flabby body for the upcoming tests: Taking Gift pewter tankard hopelessly pumped alternately right and left biceps dark beer with dried shemaykoy.
He arrived an hour inexorable cold Saturday evening in January. In training I was accompanied with tears. His wife, having signed the cross three times, wiped her face with the sleeve and shoved scapular Nicholas-pleaser in his jacket pocket. My daughter hugged his leg and wiped sniff on his pants. The dog dropped his face and nuzzled shoes. Even the cockroaches in the kitchen stopped feast and only sadly shook their antennae. The treacherous nose tickled. "Do not wait, bitch!" I -otbrosil momentary weakness and shouldered the bag with the ammunition without looking back walked in the direction of the sports club.

An hour later, shuffling each other like crap Teletubbies, in identical sports suits, frightened, we stumbled into a gym. Mirrored walls ruthlessly disseminated by different projections of our physical misery.
 - Yeah, I come for - materialized out of his reflections on duty manager, like a giant turtle with bedzhik leaning tiny head out of the shell mounds of muscles - I will spend with you a free introductory coaching.
According to the explanations of the instructor, countless awkward design, filling the space of the hall, called simulators. Twilight genius designer sublimated in them all their unrealized masochistic fantasies. On your every move those ugly exoskeletons responsible opposition, using all sorts of ingenious joints, units and weights. They do not feel pity for you, and do not take bribes. They can not agree. One need only look at the distorted face terrible stress athletes dared to compete with the power of these monsters, as you want to escape from the room without looking back. Why not just pay people money today. Although a snail's point of view, there is nothing strange.
However, not only one chlenovreditelnye car struck our attention. Abundance of diversiform female flesh in his tight costume host a variety of lewd poses, can immediately spot an inexperienced office worm.
Who said boobs does not happen a lot? And if you've seen desperate Thrash pairs all with 16-valve layout 8-cylinder engine when trained eight young women's bodies asynchronously jump on treadmills? As well polished pistons go up and down the elastic buttocks. And the mirror, around the mirror! But next door, around a huge and striped, like a globe of Jupiter, rubber ball makes flexion frictions another celestial body shamelessly ottopyrivaya its huge silicone Fuji. What, then break the eye muscles and lens luxation you seem outlandish diagnoses?
Ohuevshie as Japanese tourists on Red Square, we wandered around the room, and asked one simple question: Is it all it's someone fuck ???? Show kulibinyh, its emulsion injection into these sophisticated machines of friction! Are they - there are overinflated protein Organon with rudimentary tubercles in places where normal people are placed eggs? Mindless meat, contemptuous looks at us, exhausted strikers capitalist labor.
 - However, it's time to shit stinking office spoon fat barrel cheerful squirrel - I thought, and fearlessly approached the tortoise coach - How much is your personal training?
Two hours later, a sports club in disgust myself pulling them out of my carefully chewed zhimami countless drafts and body. It follows the same steamed kotyahami tumbled and the rest of squad training planktonavtov.
Well cho? - I asked someone offering to mark the beginning of a new life.
Vodka, beer zapolirovat, infusion passed to glory. All subsequent Sunday I spent in the arms of a basin, and washed down with alkozeltser activated carbon vigorous cucumber pickle. Fucked up.
However, the occurrence of a real fucked up, I learned the Monday morning of hours in 6 waking up from unbearable desire to piss. Awakening caught me in a fetal position: legs pressed against his stomach, arms bent at the elbows, dick is a stake. I tried to straighten up and could not. Befuddled by the day before the torture muscles curled, turning me unprecedented flourish. Spolzshey somehow out of bed, I bent double, stumbled to the bathroom and stared at the unresolved problem of how to piss when dick sticking up and his body bent almost at right angles down? Hands thus reduced as chicken wings, to the members can not get, you can not move anything - muscle pain hell. Simple laws of ballistics suggest that the jet will hit right in the forehead. Urine much fucking much. Time to make a decision is measured in seconds, for the conscience breaks still more likely than the bladder.
I have a high IQ, I solved this problem. Ask what? Dick But I tell you, not for the tormented. First, try to shave, wash, comb your hair, brush your teeth and eat, if your hands can not reach the person. Try to get dressed, put on socks and tie his shoes - if the legs do not bend and unbend hands, sneeze simple - if the stomach cancer has become. Then climb up to the car and get to work not ubivshis. If you have managed to pass the proposed test - park your car on the parking lot and the corporate look around.
Have you watched the good old movies about zombies and The Video Dead, have you seen as disorderly rows, crooked and awkwardly swaying, moving the dead come to life in search of fresh brain? That's hobbled on Monday to work our employees. We went to zahavali minds of its customers, along with their money.
At the entrance to the parade took afterlife parolimpiytsev sobstvennolichno boss in the new, immaculately dressed, smelling cologne for real men, with great satisfaction watching their own hands. The mysterious expression on his face did not promise us anything good.
During the working day, our office was like a disco '80s-style Cerebral breakdance in a shelter for the elderly oligophrenics. At six in the evening a meeting was scheduled.
 - Lord! - Happily said the chief, having taken quite complete all the survivors.
 - So, with some diligence you build your physical shape, it fills me with unprecedented optimism. To encourage your fighting spirit, and even more to raise team spirit ... We're a team, right? In general, in the coming long weekend, this is just February 23 we are all a team, go skydiving! As usual all. At the weekend I was on the hunt, and all agreed. Travel and power at the expense of the company, the jump with an instructor and video pay yourself. Objections will not be accepted.
Behind him, where it should hang a portrait of the president on a wall adorned a poster: a jar labeled "Vaseline", inscribed in red circle crossed, like a road sign. At the bottom of the poster, font «Times New Roman» was derived favorite phrase of our chief, "These men are suffering».

© Milling

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