"Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest" in fifteen minutes (in the movie can be n Bashny.Net

Overall plan. Rain. Alcove. The gazebo sits gothic Elizabeth. The city planted Tatar-Mongols led by the oligarchy.

On the main square of the oligarchs led clad Legolas, Elizabeth, and the Governor.

Oligarch. Hi, I oligarchs. And you are accused of, what were acquitted at the end of the last part.
Governor. In fact, I - Governor.
Oligarch. In fact, I do not care. I have men and money, and you have neither one nor the other, ha ha. Take him away!

***
Overall plan. Mordor. We hear screaming and howling orcs Nazgul. From the tower of Saruman sailing canoe Boromir. The canoe Jack Sparrow. Jack climbs the anchored ship. The ship was already waiting Boatswain team.
Boatswain. Well?!
Jack. Enough is enough!
Command. Show me!
Jack shows a schematic plan moonshine.
Boatswain. What is it?!
Jack. This pattern key, which we have, which opens the chest, which we do not.
Boatswain. Cool! Will seek?
Jack. What?
Boatswain. Well ... this key. Or chest. In general, anything you need.
Jack. You're a fool, Boatswain. What to find anything you need, you must first lose something right, and we did things like this from birth. Stand by with the anchor removed!

***
The captain's cabin. Jack drinks and bitter regret that the truant from school geography lessons. Suddenly rum ends.
Jack. Op-pa! And already after 23:00, that's bad luck.

***
Jack goes to the basement of the nest egg and discovers there Dead Dad Legolas.

Dead Dad Legolas. Hello Jack.
Jack. Hi, delirium tremens. I told you, do not take this no excise rum ...
Dead Dad Legolas. Yes, no, I'm real.
Jack. So even worse. What do you want?
Dead Dad Legolas. You know David Jones?
Jack. It is that Bowie?
Dead Dad Legolas. It is that the octopus.
Jack. Then do not.
Dead Dad Legolas. Nevermind. He sends you greetings, black mark and reminds him that you owe your immortal soul.
Jack. I got it, no fool. Command! Climb! Something I was seasick, immediately swim to a nearby island.

***
Ship Caucasian ethnicity. Two sailors Caucasian ethnicity divide Jack hat, which he lost in a hurry to be on the land. It swims Patrol ship in the form of a giant octopus.

Patrol. So, to produce documents. Registration is?
The men of Caucasian nationality. Uh, daragoy why insult, eh? Mi Prastio targovtsi on Jamaica are taking grass-mravka everyone, right? Come so razaydemsya. Here shilyapa want, okay?
Patrol. All clear. Let's go.
Traders with the ship go directly to the bottom of the sea.

***
Cabinet oligarchy. Enter Legolas.
Oligarch. Oh, hi, elf. You want to live?
Legolas. My dream, your excellency.
Oligarch. Oh, dream, dream. I, for instance, I dream of the compass of Jack Sparrow.
Passion as I love gadgets. Get one compass - all cleared. Agreed? Legolas. What am I, a stranger to good good sorry? Agreed!

***
Prison bullpen. The camera sits Elizabeth. Comes Legolas.

Legolas. Lisa, do not worry, I have everything arranged. Now quick to hit the road to the Caribbean, otdoh ... uh ... Jack and I will seek back.
Elizabeth. I'll wait for you!
Legolas, gently tapping on the bars. Of course you will, silly. Where are you getting around.

***
Multiple nodules frames of tropical islands. Legolas thoughtfully and deliberately looking for Jack, is not accidentally stumbles upon his ship. Legolas lander, where he was immediately grabbed and belongs to the natives painted Khokhloma Jack.

Legolas. Oh, Jack! Long time no see. Give me the compass!
Jack. You seem to be mistaken. My name is Willy Wonka, and it is my Oompa-Lumpy. Bambarbiya! Kirgudu!
Legolas. What did he say?
The natives. Do not worry, we will not hurt zarezhu. Chick! all.

***
Open. The cliff hanging hamster wheel. At the wheel of the team, Boatswain and Legolas.

Boatswain. Yes, no, no, he is not Willy Wonka. It's just God chose.
Legolas. And now?
Boatswain. Now eat.
Legolas. And then?
Boatswain. And then God will choose another.
Legolas. What an interesting life in humans. And can we escape?
Boatswain. Why would not escape. Hey, hamsters, and well, lively twist the wheel! One-two, one-two!

***
The natives peacefully fry Jack. Boy uses.
Boy. And there is your hamsters escaped!
Jack. All of the hamsters!
The natives flee. Jack is removed from the fire and cleverly disguised as a barbecue runs the other way. To the natives, who are chasing our hamsters, resorts Boy.
Boy. And there is your Jack Sparrow escaped!
The natives. All of sparrows!

***
On the island are planted Comic Pirates of the dog. Pirates ship exhibit.
The first comic pirates. Wow, korablig! Give it Sopra.
The second comic pirates. Are you out of your mind? Why the heck we double this hefty trough?
The first comic pirates. For comic effect. Well, then, I take over the stern you by the nose. One, two, heave!

From jungle sprint team, Boatswain, Legolas, Jack and the natives.
The team, Boatswain, Legolas and Jack. What delve ?! Come alive suffered the ship into the water!
The ship sails, the natives thought to stand on the shore. Boy uses.
Boy. And there is your dog run away!
The natives. All of the dogs!

***
Night prison. In the bullpen sneaks Governor.
Governor. Lisa, get up. It's time to make feet.
Elizabeth. Pa, what legs, two in the morning. And then I promised to Legolas that wait it.
Governor. "I promise." In this series of promises are given only to that was broken. So it will sit in this chamber the whole movie, you will have no role, and an episode in the crowd. Come on, come quickly, I arranged everything.
Elizabeth. Everything is arranged? Oh, something I do not like.

Cabinet oligarchy. Included Elizabeth, who has escaped from prison and from the pope.

Oligarch. What a pleasant meeting. What is required?
Elizabeth, pulling a gun. I need an indulgence. Lively.
Oligarch. Yes please.
He writes: "What did the bearer, made my order and for the good of the state. August 5, 1628. Richelieu ».
Oligarch. Here, my lady, please. But nothing good from this will not be. On the other hand, if you pull out my compass Jack ...

***
Night lightning. Boatswain, Jack and Legolas go to the Oracle.
Legolas. Jack, I do not understand, try again.
Jack. Yes, it's simple. Knock, call, ask to drink the water, and are interested, are not you, by chance, elect, and that hidden in the trunk.
Legolas. And then you give me the compass?
Jack. I promise!

***
At Oracle.
Oracle. What complaint?
Legolas, shows a diagram of moonshine. You know, what is it?
Oracle. I, too, the binomial theorem. This pattern key, which you do not have that opens the chest, which you do not.
Legolas. What's in the trunk?
Oracle. Oh, it's a long story. Once upon a time there was a David Jones ...
Legolas. It is that Bowie?
Oracle. Hueui. Do not interrupt. And more than anything else David Jones loved ...
Boatswain. Money!
Oracle. Now, damn it, doplyashetes, I will send you, fuck, to Meyrovingu, steward produce. In short, for the stupid. The chest hare. The hare duck. The duck egg. In the egg needle. The needle Kashcheeva death. More questions?
Legolas. Where you can quickly find adventure on his ass?

***
Night lightning. The broken ship.
Legolas. Jack, I do not understand, try again.
Jack. Yes, it's simple. Swim to the ship, knocking, asking for water to drink, and are interested in who they have there, and David Jones, where he holds the key.
Legolas. And then you give me the compass?
Jack. I promise!
***
Legolas is chosen on the battered ship. Suddenly there is the captain octopus and seafood. Legolas, dipped his sword in a completely happened to be next door to a barrel of oil is taken to dismiss them to receive the torch.

Legolas. Begone, Demons! Away!
Captain octopus. Who are you? From here I come from?
Legolas. From the seashore.
Captain octopus. How to get here?
Legolas. Saddled lame and flea ridden.
Captain octopus. Uh ?!
Jack. This I sent him here.
Captain octopus. Oh, Jack! How are you? The soul does not hurt?
Jack. I have an offer you can not refuse. I give you a hundred digging, and you're puzzled by where you're going to do with them, and leave me alone. Well? How?
Captain octopus. By tentacles! But boy, I leave myself. It warms my heart when the basement climb.

***
The ship left. Two sailors are arguing over dresses Elizabeth. Suitable captain.
Captain. So, that's it for the parade? Again not share clothes?
The first sailor. Not at all, sir. We found a woman's dress. And now I say that we will come inevitable Ass, and it, which inevitably Pizdec.
Captain. Thick superstition. Dress on the ship means that we stole Elizabeth and now we have to dance to its tune and sail to the nearest port of a pirate, that's all.

***
"Flying Dutchman" Legolas finds her dead Pope.
Legolas. Dad!
Dead Dad Legolas. Son!
Captain octopus. Scourge him! Hurry!
Producer. And let the father beats. Get very deep and the scene is psychological, not a single critic of the Academy would not dare say that I took another, Below average Hollywood thriller computer.

***
Pirate port. Bar. Jack and Boatswain's trying to score a hundred and digging.
Boatswain. Come on, do not be shy! Unique opportunity! Only here you can join the team of the legendary "Flying Dutchman!" Hurry! Places are limited.
They suited the former Commodore Norrington.
Commodore. Hello Jack. Do you remember me?
Jack. E.
Commodore. What, nothing to say?
Jack. E.
Commodore. A true gentleman always has something to say.
Inflames fight. Under the guise of Jack, Boatswain, and Commodore Elizabeth dressed shed from the bar.
Elizabeth. Hey, Jack. Where you put Legolas?
Jack. With him everything is in order, I literally gave his fate.
Elizabeth. Work? Something I do not like.
Jack. Yes nonsense. I like you better tell me this is what - maybe you can understand my GPS'om? You're a smart girl, the daughter of the governor, and I'm a poor student in school, besides there are so many buttons.
Elizabeth. Oh, Jack! Well, of course I'll deal with your GPS'om.

***
On board the "Flying Dutchman»
Legolas. Something boring. Hey, David Jones. Come on, in the "points" perekinemsya.
Captain octopus. For money?
Legolas. So on schelbany only boys play. On the key!
Captain octopus. How do you know about the key?
Legolas. Well, I housekeeper, I was waiting for your arrival, all that. Do not take in the tentacles.
Later, ibid.
Dead Dad Legolas. Son, it's more for the promotion of gambling?
Legolas. Calm down, Dad. But now I saw the key.
Dead Dad Legolas. Ah, I see! You're a blacksmith, you made it.
Legolas. Smith, I was in the last part, now I cracker.
Dead Dad Legolas. Bilbo!

***
On the ship, Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Jack Straw each other eyes.
Elizabeth. Then I produced a pardon.
Jack, cleverly diverting indulgence directly from her hand. It was yours, was ours.
Elizabeth. Here you bastard!
Jack. Bite viper now that I pulled out your teeth.
Elizabeth immediately and irrevocably in love with Jack.

***
Legolas with stale key flees with the "Flying Dutchman».
Dead Dad Legolas. Come on, son, we meet again.
Legolas. Pa, I will follow you back. I promise.
Dead Dad Legolas. "Promise?" Come on, then, to say goodbye.

***
The ship left picks Legolas. Captain Octopus is Patrol.
Patrol. Maritime patrol your documents.
Legolas. Oh, Wei. And I have no registration.
Legolas throws herself into the sea and swims back to "The Flying Dutchman", which cleverly pretends to bow figure. On the "Dutchman" is screening detainees.
Seafood. Captain, sir. The boys do not. Probably drowned.
Captain octopus. I drowned my middle name. Full immersion.
Legolas. And I?!
Captain octopus. And you learn from Indiana Jones, greenhorn.

***
The island where the hidden death Kashcheeva. On the island are planted Jack, Elizabeth, Commodore and Comic Pirates. Sailing Legolas.

Jack. Legolas! And we have been waiting for you too, have been waiting for.
Legolas. He's lying?
Elizabeth and Commodore chorus. He's lying!
Legolas. I thought so. Well, damn it, or what?

Jack, Legolas and Commodore instigate a fight and run around the island until you find a hamster wheel, and then climb in and taken it to twist.
Spectators. Something directed fixation on hamsters.
Director, hurt. Many would have you understand! This scene is still a classic. And I can, give an Oscar. For staged.
While hamsters are fun, the island is planted Troopers seafood.
Comic Pirates and Elizabeth picked up the chest Koshcheeva death accepted to run the island, occasionally bumping into Jack Commodore and Legolas. In one of those moments, Jack steals Koshcheev death. In another - Koshcheev death perevorovyvaet Commodore. Finally everything except Commodore sit in the boat.
Elizabeth. Commodore, do you?
Commodore. I'll hold them nothing. Especially since I have here is a secret underground passage directly to the office of the oligarchy.

***
The ship of Jack Sparrow. Near pops "Flying Dutchman" Captain octopus once again calls Patrol. One long and tedious crawl Jack on the ship until the team are not Jack, Elizabeth, Legolas, Boatswain and Comic Pirates. Elizabeth goes to the deck, where the muddy stick to Jack, and then catches it to the mast, there happened to be handcuffed.
Producer. This second stage, which should please the critics. Pay attention to the acting game and a subtle hint of BDSM.
Spectators. It's understandable, but from there took the handcuffs?

Legolas. Lisa, honey, could you quickly finish Lisa Jack, a boat waiting for?
Elizabeth. I'm coming
Boatswain. And the captain?
Elizabeth. The captain said that remains. To intrigue.

***
Jack Sparrow is trying to be Houdini and freed from the chains, but the ship has chosen Patrol.
Patrol. Stand! Documentation!
Jack. Little-chick-chick. Remember, the audience, this day could be the day when you're almost rid of Jack ...
Patrol. Let's go!

***
Cabinet oligarchy. Included Commodore.

Oligarch. And what made you decide that you can come here and so to come?
Commodore. I have an indulgence.
Oligarch. And who is it signed? King?
Commodore. You.
Oligarch read indulgence. "What did the bearer ...". Rochefort, post-ka me open patent for the royal lieutenant of the Musketeers.

***
Legolas, Elizabeth, Boatswain and Comic Pirates at Oracle.
Oracle. Are you ready to do anything to get to the third part of the movie?
Legolas. Yes.
Elizabeth. Yes.
Boatswain. And how.
Comic Pirates. Yeah.
Oracle. Then meet: a reference to the first part - Captain Barbossa!

Included Captain Barbossa.

Barbossa. What was not expected? Welcome aboard the team. Immediately we start shooting. The truth is we do not have a script, but it's nothing you need to strike while the viewer as he tepid. If I were the captain Barbossa! Aghrrrr!



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