The expectation that it will be difficult... Bashny.Net

One of the key turning points in my life was the exhaustion. I constantly reached exhaustion, and it's not about daily fatigue after a busy day, not about fatigue. It was an existential restlessness that seemed to have permeated every cell of my physical and emotional being.

I realized that this happened because at the heart of my approach to life was lying energy aspirations and struggle. Wrestling is an expectation that it will be difficult, I need to be strong, to cope with inevitable loss, I need to plow tirelessly to get what you want.

Although it was always covered in a patina of optimism and enthusiasm, I realized that burn out because of this approach to life. I was thinking about how desire and struggle much helped me to achieve, but they didn't need me as much as before. I was facing a blank wall, I saw that my life force was spent on the endeavor, and more so could not live.





When he reached the stage where I have achieved almost everything that wanted, I still felt inside that momentum to move on coming from failure and the belief that my integrity is something missing. It's like a running engine. And suddenly I realized that the engine was working against my whole life. I had an amazing Epiphany: I saw that I was comfortable with the struggle and aspirations, the mode of struggle was felt by me as a rule, as security. That was for me a strange and uncomfortable is NOT to fight, but simply to BE.

This was the beginning of my research that lies behind the impulse to fight.

Eventually it dawned on me that the struggle is based on the belief in their own failure. This reinforces the shame and the feeling of "I'm not good enough(a)". The fight is desperate, feeling the need to compensate somehow his failure, which means that right now we're not safe, we're not okay. In the fight there is a feeling of "you should" some kind of trouble and chaos.

Struggle indicates a lack of faith in its value.

In childhood many of us had to try hard to prove your worth through school, sport or competition in any other business. However, there are deeper origins of the struggle – the struggle for her emotional survival and the safety of the family. The children are not so much resources, as they in order to survive, completely dependent on adults. Many of us have experienced the complexities of childhood only because of their willpower. Every cell of our little bodies unconsciously sought to survive, that always boiled down to some kind of gratification around adults.

Faith in the fight – is a continuation of earlier beliefs in the need to fight to earn the love of its parents, the love that in my childhood was for us the first necessity.

Impetus to the struggle stems from a heartbreaking naive belief that if we just become good enough that with effort and willpower, there will be those parents that we really need; that they are right around the corner and will be released to us unless we get this right.

Release the need to struggle perhaps, when it comes to a deep understanding that... that's all. Nowhere to strive for. You're on your way to you goal; in fact, you're already there.

For the child desire for parental love becomes a kind of security. Then there is hope, because you can always try more and more to be even better. It gives the hope of someday becoming good enough to finally get the necessary love and support. So your own sense of inadequacy or the need for self-improvement becomes your guiding star, leading to that elusive "all is well". For a child struggle and self-improvement is the only thing in his power.

Children need to see parents omnipotent and perfect – one of the most persistent beliefs. For a child the worst thing is to stay alone, to feel, how disharmonious parents, how they are flawed and dysfunctional. Faith in the perfection of the parents and in their favor gives the child a sense of security and create a favorable environment for growing up. For example, if the child fully understood how his parents actually imperfect or negligent, it would just have destroyed up to a real threat to life.

The impulse to fight is based on the belief that you are unworthy goals, so we can hope to achieve this only through the suffering and effort.

It is the belief that only more working, more trying, overwrought and laboring to exhaustion day and night, it is hoped that all will be well. In adults, this belief is projected onto others: condemning the boss, the partner who is reluctant to commit, emotionally distant spouse, etc can be projected on things and situations: new house, car, degree, anything that gives you hope a feeling of "all is well".

In adulthood, to finally let go of the need to fight, to allow himself to truly mourn the fact that this struggle was necessary to survive.

Refusing to plunge into the struggle, we allow ourselves to feel grief that she covers. And under the grief is hidden a huge energy, creative flow, peace and inner source of inspiration and support.





The struggle is an illusion of the existence of some "quiet pier" in the future, which in fact is not. A huge boost to the struggle means that we have not fully come to terms with his life and his past. We are protected from truth, which screams in our pain. Only Thoreau and accepting what is, we can confidently take your power with ease and quiet, undisguised joy.
Letting go of the belief in the need to "earn" their right to happiness, that life is hard, we expand and allow ourselves to feel their true value, which is impossible to earn. We are already valuable in themselves by virtue of their Existence.

Taking that you don't have to fight to be happy, you accept that you are worthy of happiness. Based on your deep knowledge of their true values, life miraculously transformirovalsya. It appears a saturation, a comprehensive sense of effortless harmony and natural abundance.

Struggle implies that the external world is more real than the internal, that is true for a child who is still developing and dependent on their parents. When in a state of integrity and maturity we turn our attention inwards, thereby releasing the need for struggle, because we know that all of these things naturally manifested as a result of internal focus and awareness. Life is filled with trust and friendliness. Releasing the need to struggle is a part of growing up.

Sometimes the support of family beliefs becomes an unconscious way to show love to the family. If you grew up with the belief that life is an uphill struggle, letting go of these beliefs and creating other, according to which life can be easy and joyful, you can subconsciously feel guilty or a traitor to your family. Here it takes courage. In fact, as your life will change according to your new beliefs, your family may feel neglected or betrayed.

As a child with parental responsibility I was sure if enough will support her mother, she will be the mother I need. I desperately sought approval, but didn't want to be too good or successful that she saw me as a threat and did not pull away. It was a double trap, I couldn't get it right.

For a child this realization would be devastating. Subconsciously, I believed that "if I was a little girl, mommy will come to me," that is, if I am weak and limited, it will create space for the emergence of mother when I need her. I noticed that on the threshold of significant qualitative changes in the life I was overcome with doubt and sadness, because I keenly felt her absence. Deep in the subconscious I was still waiting for that Mama will be here any minute and will help me as I needed to do this in childhood. My inner child is still waiting for it. Still hoping for it.

Everything changed when I dug a little deeper and realized that no matter how much I tried and struggled, whatever I have achieved and whatever I succeeded, mother, I needed not coming. Through this insight, I saw that I no longer need to struggle or suffer, it leads nowhere. In addition, I saw the struggle my mother – not my fault, and not for me to solve her problem.

This recognition opened me up to the level of existential depression and loneliness, from which the desire and the struggle protected me in childhood. The feeling of loneliness could kill me when I was a kid. But in adulthood, with the support and presence of their loved ones, I was finally able to feel it. To my surprise, under this terrible sadness was something new. Despair opened access to joy – the joy of the knowledge of infinity and richness of their Existence, which has always been with me and never left me because this is Ya.

It is worth noting that there is a difference between the desire as the effort to achieve something/struggle and concentration on the tasks necessary to implement the desired. The difference is that the desire is the effort and struggle exhaust you and purposeful activities, by contrast, fills with energy.

Desire leads to compactness and purposeful activities of a similar Being, allowing you to be presence, relaxation and expansion.

Releasing the need to struggle, the body is immeasurably wide open and becomes a reliable source of information. You become a living conduit of the energies of expansion and implementation, and others may just benefit from your presence. Your life is easily manifested, and Genesis becomes the main mode of your existence. Being what you ARE, you automatically live in abundance and harmony of your own Beingness. Over time it becomes thinner, and then your task is the support of this fine tune with my inner truth.

The struggle and sorrow hides the beauty and power of your true self – the pure Being.published

 

©Bethany Webster

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: 9journal.com.ua/%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%BF%D1%83%D1%81%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%8F-%D0%BF%D0%BE%D1%82%D1%80%D0%B5%D0%B1%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C-%D0%B2-%D0%B1%D0%BE%D1%80%D1%8C%D0%B1%D0%B5/