Maternal injury: double messages daughter Bashny.Net

Many people do not realize that the root issue in the empowerment of femininity is a maternal trauma.

Very often in relationships, mothers and daughters, there are difficulties, but nobody speaks about it openly. Due to the taboo on open discussion of pain related to the mother, maternal trauma remains in the shadows, out of sight and only getting worse.





What is maternal trauma?

Maternal trauma is the pain of being a woman passed down from generation to generation of women in a Patriarchal culture. And it includes dysfunctional coping mechanisms which are used to manage this pain.

Maternal trauma includes pain from:

• comparison – the feeling that you are not good enough
• shame – persistent background feeling that something is wrong with you
• suppression of feelings that need to stay small, to be loved
• persistent feelings of guilt for what I want more than you already have

 

Maternal trauma may manifest itself as follows:

• you do not manifest fully, because you don't want to scare other
• you are very tolerant of poor treatment by other
• emotional care
• perception of other women as rivals
• self-sabotage
• excessive rigidity and dominance
• conditions such as eating disorders, depression or addiction

In our Patriarchal culture dominated by men, women are conditioned to think of themselves as "defective" and unworthy. This feeling of "inferiority" is absorbed and passed on by countless generations of women.

The atmosphere of women's oppression in the culture leads to the "double messages" to the daughters.





Simply put, if the daughter learns the unconscious beliefs of the mother (which are a subtle form of the belief that "I'm not good enough"), she gets the approval of his mother, but in some way betraying themselves and their potential.

However, if instead of taking the maternal unconscious beliefs, the daughter of a rather approves its power and potential, then she could realize that her mother subconsciously takes it as a personal rejection.

Daughter doesn't want to risk the loss of maternal love and approval, therefore acceptance of those limiting unconscious beliefs, is her form of loyalty and emotional survival.

The realization of its full potential may seem to the woman is dangerous, because it has the risk of being rejected by the mother.

The reason for this is that the daughter unconsciously feels that its acquisition of power can initiate the expression of sorrow or anger of the mother due to the fact that she had to give up certain parts of yourself. Then out of compassion for the mother, the desire to please her and fear of conflict, the daughter can start to convince yourself that it is safer to shrink and stay small.

Typical failure to meet this pain sounds like this: "Let the past remain in the past." And yet we can never truly "escape" from his past and bury it. It manifests itself in the present in the form of all sorts of obstacles and challenges we stakivayutsya every day. Avoid the pain associated with some of the most important and fundamental relationships in life, we miss a key opportunity to reveal the truth about who we are and to live it truly and happily.

The stereotypes that perpetuate maternal injury:





— Look how much you did for your mother! (other)

My mother so much for me, sacrificed. From my side it would be selfish to do what she could not. I don't want her to because I was bad.

— I must be loyal to the mother no matter what. If I her a pattern, she'll think I don't appreciate.

The daughter may be afraid to disclose your full potential for fear to be better than my mom. She may be afraid to scare the mother of my dreams and ambitions. She may be afraid to feel the mother's envy or anger. It all often deeply and unconsciously not recognized, is not discussed openly.

We all felt the pain that you are our mother. And we all, to some extent, blamed for the pain itself. This is our guilt. This makes sense, given the limited cognitive development of a child, who considers himself the cause of everything. If not refer to this unconscious belief from the position of the adult, it can be so with it and stay that the result will be a significant limiting factor.

The truth is that no child can save his mother.





What would the daughter not sacrificed, it will never be able to compensate for the high price paid by her mother, or the losses and hardships that she suffered in her life just being a woman and mother in this culture. And Yes, that is what many women since childhood make for their mothers: they subconsciously decide not to leave and not to betray your mother, and so avoid becoming too "successful", "smart" or "brave". This decision comes from love, loyalty and the true need for approval and emotional support of the mother.

Many of us equate devotion to his mother with a devotion to her own injury, thus making a contribution to the suppression of himself.

These programs are deeply unconscious and run continuously. They may be present even in the most healthy, based on the support of the relationship between the mother and daughter, to some extent simply because being women in this society. As for daughters whose mothers serious problems (addiction, mental disorders, etc.), the impact of this trauma on them can be particularly destructive and insidious.

The mother needs to take responsibility and to mourn their losses.

To be a mother in our society is incredibly difficult. I've heard many women say: "no One ever told me how hard it is" or "there are No warnings about what happens when you get home with your baby and realize you have". Our society, especially in the US, primarily to mothers, they provide very little support, and many women raise children by themselves.

In our society distributed the following secret message to his mother:

• If motherhood is difficult for you, then you yourself are to blame.
• It's a shame not to be superhuman.
• There is mother of God, which is easy. If you're not one of them, something is wrong with you.
• It is assumed that you can easily handle everything: to have obedient children, to be sexually attractive, to have a successful career and secure marriage.

Mother who sacrificed many things to give birth to and raise children in our culture, sometimes feel rejected when the child expresses and manifests their unfulfilled dreams. The mother may feel that she belongs to their children, or the need for evaluation by their children.

This is a very subtle manipulation on her part. This trend leads to the fact that subsequent generations of daughters belittle themselves for the sake of their mother and then felt the value of their mothering role, for which they sacrificed so much but got so little support and recognition in exchange.

Mothers may unconsciously and very subtly to project a deep anger on their children. In fact, however, this anger is not aimed at the child. It focuses on the Patriarchal society in which a woman to raise a child, you often have to sacrifice themselves, their own lives.

For a child who needs a mother, to sacrifice, to somehow ease the pain of the mother, often an unconscious decision made at an early age. In later life the child, this decision may lie at the root of deep problems, and it is found in adulthood.

Injury to the mother exists for two reasons: because mothers have no safe space to work out the anger aimed at society and its demands on the mother; and because daughters feel unconscious fear of rejection for choosing not to bring the same sacrifices that women in previous generations.





In our society there are no safe places where mothers could Express their anger. So often these feelings unconsciously spill on the child. Daughter – a very attractive target for your anger because her daughters haven't had to give up their individuality for the sake of motherhood.

Young daughter may resemble her mother about not expressed potential. And if the daughter is sufficiently value themselves in order to reject those Patriarchal demands that her mother once had to swallow, it can easily cause mother's subconscious rage.

Of course, most mothers want the best for their daughters. However, if the mother did not understand their own pain or come to terms with the victims that she had to go, then her daughter can between the lines to read the subtle messages of shame, guilt, or obligation. They can slip in the most innocent situations, often in some form of criticism or extolling the role of the mother. Often the point is not even spoken words, but they contained a hidden resentment.

A mother may redirect your daughter's subconscious anger and prevent transmission to her of his injury, allowing himself to go through his grief and bewailing their loss. In addition, the mother should ensure that she does not consider her daughter as the main source of emotional support.

Mothers need to grieve for what they had to give up what they wanted, but never got that their children will never be able to give them, and the injustice of this situation. However, as would be unfair and dishonest it was not, the daughter should not compensate for the loss of the mother or to feel obligated to just sacrifice yourself. It requires mothers incredible strength and integrity. And in the process of healing the mothers need support.

Mother freed her daughter when consciously working on my own pain and not make it a problem daughter. Therefore, the mother allows her daughter to pursue their dreams without guilt, shame or sense of duty.





When mothers unknowingly make daughters feel responsible for their loss and sharing their pain, it creates a dysfunctional relationship, reinforcing the belief of the daughter that she is unworthy of the implementation of their dreams. And this supports the conviction of the daughter that somehow she is the cause of maternal pain. It can be very hard to destroy it.

Daughters who grow up in a Patriarchal culture, often have to choose between their own strength and love from others.

Most daughters choose love of others rather than the attainment of power. They are afraid that their self-realization and the attainment of power will lead to the loss of love from important people, in particular mothers. Women, therefore, remain small and unsatisfied, unconsciously transmitting maternal trauma from generation to generation.

A woman seizes a vague but strong feeling that the attainment of power could ruin her relationship. And women are taught to value relationships more than anything else. We cling to the ruins of the relations at the time, as the soul longs for the realization of their potential. But the truth is that only relationships can never fully satisfy our hunger for a fulfilling life.

The balance of power in parent-subsidiary relations is a taboo topic and the root of maternal injury.

Much of the above remains undeveloped because of the taboos and stereotypes about motherhood in our culture:

• Mothers are always supportive and loving
  
  
• Mothers should never get angry or offended by their daughters
  
  
• Mothers and daughters should be best friends
  
  

 

The stereotype of "All mothers should be loving," and deprives the woman is right to be normal. Due to the fact that women are denied the right to be just people, with all human weaknesses, the society is justified, and not to provide mothers with proper respect, support, and provide them with the necessary resources.

The truth is that mothers are primarily people. Each mother can be moments of love. Indeed there are mothers who often just don't show affection, maybe because of their addictions, mental disorders or other difficulties. And until we meet face to face with these uncomfortable realities, maternal trauma will remain in the shadows and will be passed on from generation to generation.

We all, to some extent, Patriarchal. We had to learn this to survive in our society. When we can see this in ourselves, we can confront it in others, even in their mothers. This may be one of the most painful things we face. But we are not yet ready to go into this, to touch this injury, we pay a very high price for the illusion of peace and strength.

What we should be maternal trauma?

Living with this injury and not healing her, you fill my life:

• A vague but persistent feeling of "something is wrong"
  
  
• Failure to realize your potential for fear of failure or censure
  
  
• You have weak personal boundaries, and no clarity with regards to who you are
  
  
• You don't feel worthy or capable of creating what you really want
  
  
• You don't feel safe enough to have their own space and Express their truth
  
  
• You build your life on the principle "the main thing is not to risk"
  
  
• You are sabotaging themselves when close to a breakthrough
  
  
• You unconsciously expect permission or approval from his mother to start living your life.
  
  

What is the relationship between maternal trauma and divine femininity?

Many are now talking about how to "embody the divine female essence" and to be "awakened woman". But it is impossible to contain this power of the divine feminine, while we still have the feeling that we are banished from Womanhood.





Let's see the truth: the mother is the first manifestation of the Goddess, and the meeting with his mother is the first meeting with the Goddess. First you need to have the courage to break the ban, to meet with their pain experienced in the relationship with the mother. Otherwise, the divine feminine will remain just another fairy tale, a fantasy that saves us a mother who will never come. This only leads to spiritual immaturity. You need to separate the mother as a person from the mother archetype to become a conductor of this energy. Need to disassemble about structure in your mind before building new ones. Otherwise we risk getting stuck in some kind of limbo where our integrity is brief, and it seems that one can only blame yourself for it.

Not recognizing the impact of maternal pain on our lives, we in some way are children.

In order to gain and to disclose all their power and capabilities, you need to look at the relationship with her mother and dares to separate their personal beliefs, values, thoughts from her. For this you need to allow yourself to feel the grief that you witnessed maternal pain. We need to work through my own pain. It is very difficult, but this is the first step to real freedom.

Worth living the pain as her energy transformered and stop creating obstacles in life.

So what happens when a woman heals her mother's trauma?

Healing maternal injury leads to the fact that it's changing, because women no longer need to hinder the growth of each other to ease their pain. The pain of living in a Patriarchal system ceases to be taboo. Don't have to pretend and hide their pain under a mask of lightness and ease. Look: this pain – reasonably, accept it, live and integrate, transforming her thus into wisdom and strength.





The more women will work on this injury, the more chances to create a safe space where women can Express all your inner pain and get the support you need. Mothers and daughters can communicate with each other without fear that their true feelings will ruin relationships. There is no need to displace the pain into the shadows, where it manifests as manipulation, competition or self-blame. We can pour out my pain in tears, to mourn her, and then she will be purified and will become love. Love will manifest as a strong support for each other and a deep acceptance of yourself, freedom to be oneself fully, to be creative and filled with.

After healing of the maternal injury begins to understand the incredible power of the influence of the mother on the well-being of their child, especially in early childhood when mother and child are inseparable. The mother forms the Foundation of our identity: our beliefs begins with her beliefs, our habits – with its habits. A lot of this unconsciously and so basic that you barely notice.

Maternal trauma is ultimately not so much about the relationship with the mother as it is about acceptance of themselves and their abilities without shame.

We appeal to the maternal injury, because this is an extremely important part of self-realization. It's like saying "Yes!" to their ability to be strong and realized the woman that each of us is called to become. Ultimately, the healing of maternal trauma is about awareness and honor the Foundation that was laid for us by our mother. They did this so we could build their unique life, knowing what we want and what we can do.

The healing benefits of maternal injury:

• The ability to freely control their emotions, to see them as a source of wisdom and information.
  
  
• Healthy boundaries that support the actualization of a better version of You.
  
  
• Time a solid "inner mother" that provides unconditional love, support and care to the inner child.
  
  
• Competence. The feeling that anything is possible, openness to miracles and all good things.
  
  
• Connecting with your inner goodness and ability to bring it in everything you do
  
  
• Deep compassion for self and others
  
  
• The ability not to take everything too seriously. There's no need external confirmation to feel good. There is no need to prove anything about myself to others.
  
  
• Trust life that it brings all the essential
  
  
• Security and freedom to be yourself
  
  
• More...
  
  

Participating in this healing process, we gradually remove the thick fog of their projections, acquired clarity and gratitude to yourself, love yourself. We no longer bear the pain of the mother and not belittle herself for it.

We have more strength to confidently appear in life, to create the desired without shame or guilt, but with passion, power, joy, confidence and love.

 



Get away from toxic people, including toxic relativesdesire deferred = deferred kilograms

For each person the first injury in the heart associated with mother, with women. And in the process of healing this injury, our hearts reveal the condition of compromise of protection and fear to a new level of love and power that connects us with the divine love and Life itself. From now on, we are connected with the archetypal, the collective heart that beats in all of life.

We bring to the world the true compassion and love, which the world needs now. Thus maternal injury opens the possibility of initiation in the divine feminine. Therefore, it is important for a woman to heal her. Your personal healing and reunification with the heart of life by femininity, will affect everything as a whole and will support the process of our evolution. published

 

© Bethany Webster (Bethany Webster)

Translation: Anna Petrosyan

 



Source: 9journal.com.ua/%D0%BE-%D1%82%D1%80%D0%B0%D0%B2%D0%BC%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B8%D1%87%D0%BD%D1%8B%D1%85-%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%88%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%B8%D1%8F%D1%85-%D1%81-%D0%BC%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B5%D1%80%D1%8C%D1%8E/