Excellent collection of quotations by Jeremy Clarkson Bashny.Net

Once I loved to be a representative of the middle class.

Not long ago I read somewhere about how much is actually paid. And that's what I'll tell you, if I really earn much, I would long ago have had any fucking boat.

I do not understand such a thing as a dedicated lane for public transport. Why do people who earn less than I should be faster than me get to work?

Once I opened the "Mirror» (The Daily Mirror - a popular British tabloid. - Esquire) and saw a letter from a reader. "I was driving to work on his bike - he wrote. - How suddenly out of nowhere flew red "Ferrari". From the window leaned Jeremy Clarkson, shouted: "Buy yourself a wheelbarrow" and drove off at breakneck speed. " But this is a lie. In fact, I called out to him: "Buy yourself a wheelbarrow kislomordy herbivore asshole!»

From my point of view, the "Ferrari" - is simply a scaled replica of the Lord God, and "Ferrari 355" - a quail egg, spiced with excellent celery salt (a special seasoning obtained from minced celery and salt. - Esquire) and submitted to the table in the navel of Julia Roberts.

Of these, two - "Aston Martin" and Keira Knightley - I would still chose the "Aston Martin».

Once I had to take for the filming of "Ferrari Enzo" (double sports car. - Esquire), and I called Jay Kay (lead singer of Jamiroquai, also known for its collection of expensive cars. - Esquire). "Listen, - I said. - Can I have a couple of days to take your wheelbarrow? "And he told me:" Yes, of course, if you are a few days give me his daughter. The value of something is about the same ».

Many car companies just love to say this is the best car in its class. What nonsense? Can you imagine if I go out and say: "I have syphilis - the best of diseases, sexually transmitted diseases».

I admire my wife. She can cook dinner, cradled the child to agree with your friends about the next tennis match - and all this at the same time. And even once she threw the child into the pan and does not keep dogs in the bed.

Not so long ago I developed the perfect way to combat insomnia: a look at the photo "Toyota Camry" - and you are cut down, as if the whole day working in the mine.

"Suzuki Wagon Air" (a small five-door minivan. - Esquire) should get round the same way as you avoid unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

Anyone who argues that in Cuba there is democracy, must first ask the parents of twelve Cuban prostitutes as they prefer to vote.

The only reason that Arabs and Jews has been fifty years are forced to lead this disgusting war, is that there's just never fucking rain. Believe me, if in 1948, Israel was founded in Manchester, no bloodshed would never be.

Not long ago the British nuclear submarines are not fully recognized the relevant standards. I do not know what to suggest ... Apparently, there have forgotten to provide wheelchair ramps.

The only person on the planet who looked good in the back seat of a convertible four - is Adolf Hitler.

Speaking at the table that you just bought «Nissan Almeria» - is about the same as to announce that you have Ebola, and you're just about going to sneeze.

Manufacturers of machinery should not be indifferent to the minor shortcomings. It is on these people pay attention in the first place.

We all know that small-displacement machine useful than sports cars - as well as fish oil healthier steak and morning jog in the rain useful tea on the terrace.

The objectives of the creation of any supercar obvious: melt the ice caps at both poles, destroy all the poor people, to poison the drinking water, make some holes in the ozone layer, to destroy as many endemic species, to return the Falkland Islands to the British Crown, to transform the entire third world is a scorched desert, and of course same prosrat I cleaned all that remains of the oil.

The problem with most French cars that they - the French.

When you get used to orient the satellite navigator, you stop noticing a lot of important things. Even if the sun does not rise suddenly, where usually you are unlikely to pay attention to it.

God created the earth in six days and on the seventh day when he decided to rest Beelzebub contrived and created Detroit.

No more useless ideas than racing cars, which have been adapted for driving on normal roads. This is about removing the hardcore, and then remount it so that it was possible to show, even in nursing homes. What do you get? That's right: a half-hour close-up of someone's disgusting sweaty face.

I hate tuning exhaust. These sounds as false as the smile of a prostitute.

The Americans believe that their "Dodge Viper" - a full synonymous with "sports car." Apparently, in the same sense in which George W. Bush is synonymous with the word "president».

America - a 250 million assholes who themselves forbidden to use the word "asshole».

Once I saw a pretty sweet girl in the "Toyota Prius" and sometimes I met a charming fading women driving "Peugeot". But "Renault" always sitting some gargoyles.

The rate has not killed anyone. But the manner of stopping in the middle of the road many rickety.

I hate cars that remind me of Brezhnev.

Esquire

Source: