I wanted only one thing - that my son slept Bashny.Net

"It started with the fact that I passionately wanted to get pregnant. Not because I wanted children, but because it happened to my married classmate. By the time I was married for four years, he graduated from the Institute, had a job. For complete I did not have to go to the belly.

Friends, if you decide to read - read completely. The text under the cut.





After six months of effort belly I still acquired. Pregnancy was held well. I was like a flower, carried the boy, and therefore looked beautiful. I am a former athlete, and all the doctors I predicted an easy delivery because "the press is strong, vyplyunesh not notice." This I believe is sacred.

My disappointment knew no bounds when the process does not go wrong. Neither the introduction of a medical dream, no stimulation, no jumping on the ball - nothing I did not help. Ten hours does not give torment doctors agreed that it is necessary to do a caesarean section. I did a great folly, calling relatives and said there would be an operation.

While they were at home crying, I could be happy that the pain stopped. Finally, admire the blue ass my boy, I noticed that the anesthesiologist - a very nice guy. The remaining day and night passed in the euphoria, I hardly slept. Not only the pain but also the excitement that all was over, that I'll be the same, without a huge belly. However, when at 12 o'clock the next day gave me a kid - I was delighted. After a Caesarean section could not walk from the hammer dimedrol did not realize, but the son did not like me at all. That is all. I imagined it to others, and he gave me immediately disappointed. In addition, back aching, I wanted to have and I did not have milk, because women after surgery it comes, usually on the third day. On top of all the charms of the first day it became clear that we would sleep in the upper world. Rudeness pediatricians and midwives deserve a separate article. I can only say that every minute spent in the hospital for seven days, I wanted to get home. Mother of
phone promised that I would only sleep and feed your baby, she will do the rest herself. Her husband is also going to be a great help.

In the hospital the baby was asleep in the afternoon, scheduled ate at night, and I thought that I was lucky. Only a very sick seam and spin, but I tried to put up with it, hoping that everything will be at home in a different way.

And at home it really was different. As it turned out only three months after the birth, my son had an increased blood flow, that is, he had a headache, he groaned, did not sleep, constantly crying, I carried him in my arms in the apartment. My husband left a day to sleep in another room. Mom would get up with me at night, but terribly nervous, screamed at me and the baby. All my gratitude for the way it helped me, yet overlapping words she shouted. My mother worked, my husband was working, I was left alone for days and hated everything around me, including his son.

On the bed hung soft toys, and I strangled them, to somehow to release their aggression. From what he constantly did not sleep, and I'm with him, I fell into a strange state - all the sounds were like from the outside. I'm hysterical, so that my chest appeared nervous rash. I drank liters brewed valerian, why, of course, the calm came, but wanted to sleep more.

The husband did not help at all, but only to claim that I pay less attention to it. Stories that my husband shared the hardships of his wife seemed to me fantastic, improbable. However, I still think so.

When I was walking down the street with a stroller and son woke up, I started in a fit of rage shaking carriage, dug his nails into the palms. I wanted only one thing - that he was asleep, but rather that it did not exist. Maybe if my husband and my mother supported me, not so much shared challenges as reassuring, I would be less hysterical. For three months I turned into an absolute psycho. And then in the last month we have twice visited the hospital. And that I dobilo. Now I am afraid to pass by this institution.

Taking a walk with a stroller, I stumbled upon an article about postpartum depression. And she helped me. That's what it said and what I learned.

1. The child will not be small forever. He starts to smile, get up gulit, drool, his teeth come out, you will see it in their features. Sooner or later it will start to sleep. My bed started after the examination of a good neurologist. She said the reason he groans, how to help, and as a result we were able to at least sleep with him, but he is not in my hands, and I - a sleepwalker in a chair.

2. Do not forget about yourself. It is necessary to wash your hair, comb, shaving legs, painted on walks. Be a woman. For if you do stop to see a woman, a man, and a fortiori forget.

3. And this recipe - from me. I think hysterical - this is a normal condition for a young mom who loved himself and now wants to part with personal freedom. It is necessary to drink valerian and release aggression. For example, peel the pillow, scream, choke teddies. Anything but your aggression would not spread to the child. The kid will not be able to answer. You will receive a momentary satisfaction from the fact that hit him, and then will become a regret. Remorse is sure to be overtaken, and it will happen quickly. In order not to bring the suffering of any child or yourself - do not use violence to it.

It helped me. Within six months, I could not get used to her motherhood. I lived in the feeling of being always something waiting for: the two months to give his son soothing tea, when teeth erupt, when it will begin to take things in hand and so on. In fact, I always waited for him to grow, as is now regret. Many moments of infancy passed me, I thought of them simply do not remember because of the mental strain that lived in me.

I can, of course, to condemn, but I do not want children. I am afraid of repetition, I'm afraid to lose my mind. Although fondness for young children died in me, and maybe someday ... »

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