Is it possible to stop the patient? Bashny.Net

About throwing the sick wives of husbands who are actively discussing in the top several days in a row, to me that's what is unclear.

Healthy also cast very often. Live without love more often, simply out of inertia. And the inertia is such a thing that disease from this inertia quickly kicks. It's one thing when you're like a machine I get home from work, lie on the sofa, exchanged duty phrases, give part of the salary, they get a plate of pasta, another thing, when no couch, no pasta, and you offer to change a lazy life in hell: to care for a sick person to live among the drugs, all the time thinking about his inevitable old age, sickness and death.



still from the film "the girl with the suitcase"

When a person agrees to this hell? Only in one case. If the alternative is hell even more.

To hell with this enthusiasm people go when they are so in love with the second that losing it is a HELL that there is not only to care you, come out of their own skin and still sell little to reduce the risks of hell that much more. I such cases are often seen, and I think everyone saw. But what outraged commentators in the top? The fact that this is not a rule but an exception? People seem to live in his childhood dreams, if you think that big love the couple is the rule for marriage. While the rule — a life without love by inertia or divorce.

Hell also go sometimes the people conscience which threatens them is just simply to eat, if they throw the sick. Even if they have not love him, live the last time of inertia or of the same sense of duty, now that he was ill, divorce is impossible. I've seen many unhappy lovers who really have been persuaded to leave the family in love with them, but a conscientious man, as the wife suddenly became ill or was affected seriously ill, and everything he writes lover "goodbye, my love, not in this lifetime" finish. This is a man of conscience. How good it is, let's discuss a little later.

Yet I want to just clarify, people willingly (without pressure and without resistance) gives her time, energy, effort and money another when it believes its informal part. The formal part is "we are officially married", informal — "he hurts and I hurt too, he is well and I'm happy FOR him" — the real marriage, conjugation, involved, when the second — part the first. In this situation, there is even a question is to care or not. Whether you choose to treat your leg if it hurts, or will figure out how it is difficult and troublesome. Difficult-easy is to lose his leg — that he's a real terror, so as quickly as possible and actively need to save. The SAME feeling arises from a loving wife when his beloved was ill. Myself and then a little bit easier to hurt, than to experience the illness of a loved person. Yourself will not be so willingly to provide care, as the closest, hoping to better or at least just trying to ease his suffering. It's true. But man this must be really "closest" and not formally married to you.

It is sad that people live together and love each other, that the disease is the circumstance when convenience inert life together is broken and staying there is no longer any sense, you need to run, not to spend years in the service of an unnecessary and ill man. This man was really close, wasn't loved, or seemed so, it was either convenient, or tolerable, is now intolerable. About the debate? About why many people don't want to waste the life on duty?

Every such person, faced with the illness of a close is not close, i.e., who, he supposed, but does not want to give, because he does not like, says something like: "I too can get sick at any moment, how long have I got, nobody knows can't make the rest of your life in hell, I'd rather be a little bad, but free." For many people, however, the word "debt" has a meaning that "be bad" for them so terrible, that it is better to the well head, so they stay close and selfless care for the unloved, but still "his" man who binds duty. The second is much nicer, of course, I myself — most of the second, but I saw some people debt which, honestly, would not hurt to reduce the debt and begin to breathe deeply and live my life and not to care all my life for others, and around them is usually a whole flock of those for whom it is necessary all the time to care.

Of course, unscrupulous people I also saw. Those who do not what to help and support, and the last can take. But somehow, shamelessly I saw much less than normal. But an ordinary man selflessly cares when loves, and desperately looking for a save energy when not in love, that is looking sick and something to help his life hell not to turn. It's ordinary people.

But, frankly speaking, I wanted more about the other. About the wives of patients who hate and curse those who do not want to take care of them in sickness. Are you sure that these wives loved husbands gone? They are convinced that my husband's life was to be devoted to them, they necessarily, without a trace. It's love from them? This sacrificial and Holy love they expect from their husbands? That is, it must faithfully and sacrificially to love, and I'll willingly accept his sacrifice and service, let me sacrifices and serves and nothing else?

I've seen a few couples where husbands do not just willingly, and gladly cared for the sick wives (rejoicing in the progress, rejoicing in the opportunity to affect a positive trend, rejoicing in their usefulness). So in most such pairs wife felt the embarrassment and awkwardness that trouble their illness. They did not consider the disease as "our" (and curse the wives seem to consider it so, or even "yours"), they believed that their disease, but the loving husbands of course believed the disease "our", a common problem with which to cope. Thought about disconnecting the husbands did not arise even for a moment. Including the fact that to disconnect from loving the person does not want.

But in couples where the wife is convinced the disease "our", he is obliged, and if not, then the scum, the filth, the situation was often different. If in a couple where the wife thinks it's her problem, which shouldered husband, she occupies the position of "not necessary, works for me, get some rest, think about yourself," my husband more and more motivation, he feels that he cares about his loving, beautiful, grateful person, then in a couple where the wife considers it "our disease" and requires the same be considered husband, the husband often sees that she is dissatisfied by his efforts, wants to get more and his motivation quickly fraying. I do not take cases where the husband is a bastard, and upon learning of the diagnosis, is washed away immediately, not a little bit worrying about that (I have not seen these by the way, almost always worried, but I guess there are those too). I take the cases of ordinary men who are willing to care and ready, but not so very much love and thoughts of another does not come, no, come other thoughts, different thoughts come.

So, in the case of ordinary men demanding position of wife and her complete confidence that she needs to care for, to be with her in sorrow, to help, to heal, and I am scum, does the job. The husband sees that he is not in love, no regrets, only regret yourself, consider yourself a victim, and his obligation to work to compensate for the fact that ill not he but she. Very often, these women consider that life has wronged them and therefore they have the right to receive payment in full, from life, from others, especially from loved ones. And Yes, in this case, care for them or those who madly and faithfully loves, or those who have a sense of duty, and ordinary people who love not so much, and sense of duty have much less, try to gradually slip away for the sake of self-preservation. Begin to back away towards the door.

You can curse and hate the loved ones because they are not loyal with all my heart. But in my opinion is worthy of love only one who loves, and that person will not suffocate from the anger, if it is not steel selflessly to care for, he will say:"even though he will be staying until healthy." And then departed — a real fool if you dropped me as a wonderful and loving person. With a loving and lovely person good to be around, even in sickness. Especially if you love him.

I remember last year my father and I regret that not all the time, not permanent, was with him (while often). Now'd give a lot to be still, let it be with patients. published

Author: Marina Komissarova

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Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/177892.html