Women with inadequate self-esteem Bashny.Net

Self-esteem most women have inadequate. Many people write about it. But in what way inadequate, and where opinions differ. One top blogger wrote recently that she met women who would not consider themselves attractive. Another top blogger in the same moment, wrote that women almost always underestimate yourself and doubt yourself.

I think both these top blogger's are right. Self-esteem of most women is inadequate, they feel something beautiful, then ugly. Just the first top blogger women convicts for the extra weight, so her they are forever praising themselves and saying that beauty. And the second top-blogger, women stroking the head, so that they always complain and whine. Objective-esteem in many women, not even close. They don't know what they are. Therefore, it is so easy to confuse and to convince them of anything.

Women often don't want to look for potential suitors among those men that they really meet who are happy with them will be met and even married. Not like the men the women do not find they make sense in getting to know them, dream of the rich, business men, babies. And himself in the mirror as if not see. Living the dream.



 

But the miracle, the same woman who used to disdain the neighbor across the street their age and their external data, you may fall in love with a drunkard (initially not paying attention that he was a drunkard) and then look for it under the fences in the morning until spurned by her neighbor starts his old car to go to work. That is the dream of women is one thing, in his dreams about the Queen, but in fact very easy to agree to those who do them not worth it. Objective view of themselves they have.

This effect is, incidentally, based the divorce. I do this too many times heard. Women with inadequate self-esteem (those who believe that they can marry the person of their much wealthier and nicer and there are women very much) involved in the chain: work with them stylists, cosmetologists, matchmakers, psychologists, astrologers, pumping out money. This is the eternal story of Cinderella: ugly duckling today, tomorrow beautiful. And the classic theme of women's series: was homely, not like anyone, and then got dressed up, learned to hold back — and now — the Princess.

I mean, look, what is the essence of such notions. "I'm no worse than those who are married to the oligarchs. I just don't have enough of the veneer to all of this notice". If the matchmaker convinces a woman that her now a little bit keep upgrading, attuning and she turns into candy, the woman easily believes she did, and she always thought, just didn't have anyone to support. And now there is. Matchmaker. (Mom-Fay)

In fact, in itself, is a great tendency, when a person is not satisfied that he is now eager to become better. But in this case "better" is all superficial kind of tinsel, not to change anything, for which they take money, but nothing significant which the woman does not. There would have to go to the gym and change my body. It really raised the bar for its realistic claims, on the slender women's men's demand is higher. Or if it is the additional education received, or if she was seriously interested, learned something. Even simple cooking, no matter how vulgar it sounds, but still — pumping skills, it's something so worth it. It is a small resource.

But women choose the easy path, the path of illusions. Some stylist it a little myself, make up artist make up, the psychologist will give a hypnotic setting to "Asama" in their pumpkin coach she will go to the ball where her Prince awaits. But only Cinderella fairy coach gave, and the woman puts a large amount of entourage. I've seen (and you know) women who spend such external focuses his entire salary, and themselves with a child living on a pension mother. Or take all, take a bunch of loans. Or even a flat selling. All they think now a little bit of the veneer and they are in the kings. To the Beautiful ladies that is, and knight wealthy — on his knees.

And you know what the basis of such unrealistic, but also very overpriced and instantly falling self-esteem? On the impossibility of women objectively to compare ourselves with other women.

What distinguishes a man from a woman? Not only the sexual organs. Man differs in that the first and last object of his children's merging the original the other sex is the mother. Mother-child separated until it formed a sovereign Ya With another man, that is a father, an ordinary man is not in the merger. On the contrary, he originally split with him, often even in opposition (competition for attention of the mother disputes parents about the proper upbringing, etc.) and only to a more conscious age the boy begins to love the Pope, respect or not love, not respect, but as something to appreciate it. And this assessment is quite objective, quite subjective.

Therefore, men compare themselves with other men much more objectively than women compare themselves with women. Here the man is taller, it can be seen that wider shoulders have more money, this is clearly the smarter one. Of course, in men is even some lack of self-esteem, and illusions about themselves, but still the trend is such that men perceive other men without emotional to them of the merger, and therefore quite detached, and objectively compare yourself with them, too, more or less sober, for the most part.

But not the women. The object of the original merger has the same gender, and those with whom they then compete. This means that compares a woman with the same projection all the time confuses the boundaries, appropriates other people's traits, perceives himself the same way. A woman can look at another woman is objectively more beautiful and smart, and think: Yes, I do this. And when you look at the more successful a woman she is angry and thinks, well, I did the same, she just has a veneer, and I don't. The veneer! That's the difference. And in fact — one and the same. This is a merger. Difficult for a woman to objectively evaluate yourself compared to other women, it is difficult to determine the bar real claims. Score depends on her mood, her emotional tone. In a good mood she hovers over all, bad all falls below. And the woman always remembers that this difference is very unsteady, the self-perception of her may change in time. And then it seems that you need a little sequins sprinkled on the head and learn the gait of fashion models, and now the difference between her and ex-wife of tycoon no. So she could be his next wife.

What's with all this merge do?

Disconnect.

Look, because of the difference of sexes, that is, the difference of their sex and object merge men and women differently through a process of growing up. For men this so-called (psychoanalysis) Oedipus. The man needs to stop looking at other men from the bottom up as a boy must prove his manhood to become the same as other men. To do this, he must separate from the mother, to stop being a Mama's boy, a part must go through the separation, to oppose the mother. That's all men's initiation ancient and modern built male socialization too.

And the other women growing up. Not Oedipus, and Electra. Girl because of the gender should not the Pope to imitate (or compete) as a boy, not the other male figures, her men do not need to identify (if she's not a transsexual, but it's not like men), she needs to identify themselves and to compare with women. So the girl is often not easy to pass separation. Why? The boy to identify with father, it is necessary to separate from the mother, otherwise he will feel namesceni, defective, flawed, feminine. And the girl don't need to separate it and so it will feel like a woman. It was originally in the link. In it and gets stuck often, so her self-esteem forever remains inadequate.

Please note, the merger has nothing to do with the attitude of his real mother. His mother, the girl may despise or fail to remember. The merger is due to the lack of objective view of themselves, opportunities to assess yourself in comparison with others. The woman often evaluates itself biased, because it has not increased the mental structure that can do it. Some (independent) grows, but many people have no, or almost no. Therefore, women often demonstrate such miracles. The dress pulled in a huge body and not because Frick or rebelling (it would be understandable, consciously), and because I really do not see that they are huge. See a slender, almost delicate can be. And sometimes the opposite, slim looks at himself in the mirror and sees a fat girl. Distorted all much, much more than men.

How to get rid of the merge and to acquire adequate self-esteem?

Yes, as well as men, in General. A majority of men doing it in my youth, driven by fear to stay feminine malenkimi son, and women have to walk this path consciously, afraid to grow old girls. And so the methods are the same. Independence. But not forced, but desired! It only means separation. When independence becomes pleasant and desirable, only then the merge goes. While this burden, the merge continues, even if the woman makes everything herself in my life, but mentally she still seeks refuge in the breast of its parent shape.

The matchmaker, for example, is a typical maternal figure (aunt-godmother of Cinderella), so the matchmaker is so easily bred women.

The main indicator of the absence of the merger — the desire(!) to solve all their problems (not throwing a motherly role for a man or friends or someone else). If you do not understand well how it is to want to solve their problems itself, after all, better to someone of their decided, you merge with the parent figure. Imagine that you don't want to chew the food themselves and want to chew someone came through a tube into the stomach. Disgusting, isn't it? After all, chew is tasty and nice, but to be a disabled person — no. So an adult person would not want that for her someone lived, someone to solve her problems, life is problem solving, and the process of eating is chewing food and not just swallowing the slurry. Only a childish person can think that solves your problem the other is the success of life. No, that's her failure.

In General, the consciousness of women must change, women must become more grown up and stronger. But this is not speculative, but in practice when you learn to do everything for herself and when she like it (the second principle). And then, quite accurately, the output of the merger with the maternal figure of the happens and formed is adequate, stable and even objective self-assessment. In this case, the woman will see in the mirror what others see, but also feel this sympathy, will love the fact that there is not for illusory beauty, and just. And so can accept yourself and improve at the same time. And before any hate and try to change or accept and not change. That, and the other bad.

Just do not think that an independent woman does not need to be a man. "An independent single woman and her forty cats" is also a dependent, just a frustrated woman.

If a man needs a woman as a maternal figure, protective and supports, it is quickly disappointed in love. Nobody wants a woman financially and emotionally to babysit, so waiting for her resentment. And then she will decide to be lonely, since no one wants to take care of her.

The independent person begins to love another person is not in custody of him, and for sharing emotions. From sharing the emotions are multiplied. Sexual desire does not disappear from lack of desire to care, the desire to have a close-minded person — also, the tenderness and the need to share their thoughts. That is, independent people of either sex are much more capable of intimacy than infantile. Infantile first look for, someone would have to hang and then starts to complain that all around them is infantile. In General, the personal happiness they find.published

Author: Marina Komissarova

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/207292.html