3 illusions that hinder your mental health Bashny.Net

One day a miracle will happen to us, and we learn to live with doubts.

We all want to get on with life any guarantees, but we forget one truth: life does not give any guarantees, but offers plenty of opportunities. We are afraid of change because we are not ready for them. We live in a little world of illusions and repeat: "alive and well, and thanks for that." From the relations we want stability on the partner oaths and guarantees. We are afraid of losing the right to infantilism and to build on that constancy is not a sign of excellence and degradation.




Emotional health and maturity - is the ability to live with doubts. It is safe to be only in death and irreversible changes.

For the mature man, probably, there is no concept of stress. There are problems and solutions. But we would have to grow at least until the psychological adult. Learn to rely on their own support and recognize himself as the author of his own life.

The sphere of relations is no exception. Perhaps more than any other area of ​​life, it is shrouded in a variety of illusions and dreams. In the dream world there is nothing wrong with that, except that one will have to wake up. And come face to face with reality: the doubts were and are part of our lives

. Mature relationship - is the result of a great work. But the work is not over a partner, not instead of it. This inner work on yourself. If we decide to persevere in this matter, we must abandon the idea that someone else, we can guarantee the safety.

Then the relationship becomes a gift. Then they are not burdened with false ideas about who that someone should. Where the end of illusion, maturity begins. Mature relationships do not mean ought not about safety. Here, there will always be doubt. "Forever" - the word of the tales. In mature relationship will not be a prize for good behavior and diligent service. The maximum will be given a medal "marriage».

Guarantees can be applied to what has instructions for use. But as it relates to human relations?

I am convinced that many have read the instructions on how to avoid divorce, how to manage the partner desires, how to get married, etc.

And the result? Does it give a sense of security and confidence?

Rather no than yes.

Status of helplessness so frightening that many people prefer to slip into infantilism and plunge into childhood illusions.

They are of three types.

1. The illusion of immortality

Thoughts of death scare. Mind freezes any feelings about this fact. This leads to the fact that life is postponed "for later". "Someday" - that is what prevents enjoy the happiness today. To be in captivity of the illusion - is to make an escape from thinking "Who am I, why am I here, what I am, how can I influence what is happening, what can I do now to their relationship." Understanding their life limbs enables us to focus on the little things and make simple little action against her partner. We know how to measure distance, time, weight, but do not attach importance to how to measure love.

Do you think that it is impossible to measure love?
A number of quarrels, kind words, hours together, say "yes", touch, phone calls, accusations, denials, emotional conversations, kisses ...?

Disclaimer of immortality leads to the illusion that we stop to wait for the right conditions and follow only the useful life instructions for beginners - start. We begin to appreciate your favorite smile, purr cat, the smell of freshly cut grass and each new day, as this is another chance to live a life different. We begin to think of death as a reality and a greater appreciation for life, with all its ups and downs. This ambiguous, insecure and full of doubt.



2. The illusion of its own omnipotence

It manifests itself in the refusal to accept what does not depend on us. The tendency to build complex mental structures, rationalization, trading with the universe - no more than a way of psychological protection from the inability to accept the fact that we are losing validity in 100% cases. With 100% safe to say that in the past you can not change anything, no matter what no matter what "if ...»

The same applies to the future. The constant wandering in the future and thinking through the options, does not deprive the fears, but on the contrary, inflates them. Fear of the future is very tricky thing. Vile and corrosive feeling. Getting rid of it can only be realized as it is illusory. Do not worry about what will happen next. Then it consists of many today.

The toxic effect of this illusion is reduced through the experience of living one's powerlessness. Impotence - is not weakness, and to regain the right to the opportunity to do something wrong, the right to make mistakes and personal life story

. Yesterday - it is an experience, tomorrow - a chance now - this is the life

. 3. The illusion of justice, peace

"If you behave yourself, then you nothing bad will happen," - a typical child's reasoning. Only the creator of the world thought of everything else, not relying on our understanding of justice. The world is as it is. The idea of ​​justice - this is a human way of manipulation. Everything related to the impact on our feelings of guilt, shame, pride - there is manipulation

. This illusion is to dwell in us the installation of obligation, when we live with the conviction that we have someone that's got to. The world should, partner, parents should. Once this setting resides in our head immediately enter into our lives resentment, frustration, depression.

Ought kills any living energy in the relationship and feels like a weight on his shoulders. Installing "it should", without differentiation on the personal desires of the partner, the relationship deprived of passion.

Heavy and unexpected situations happen, and it's part of our lives. Life - this is not a quiet and secluded place where you can sit. No instruction manual does not guarantee that it is us nothing bad will happen. Something we can control and what is not present in their lives. It is important to distinguish one from another.

Emotion - this is not about guarantees, control and confidence. The best thing we can do for your relationship - mind parting with a partner and to recognize that between us should be a distance, and each of us has the right to his own life and decisions

. The longer we delay the adoption of such an approach as a basis, the more alien we get each other. Do not count on a lot, we do not run the risk to be disappointed.

Life - is contrast, duality, contradictions and paradoxes. The more comfortable we feel with these feelings, the easier it is to feel happiness. The more we are attached to concepts of duty, justice, rules, dogmas, to the black-and-white thinking, the more we are doomed to suffering.

This decision - is to take every moment spent with your loved one as a great gift, because it will never be as it now

. And despite all the ambiguity of life, we always have the opportunity to choose and take responsibility for their choices.

The right to choose and reject

In management there is a rule: every day, if you decided not to dismiss their employees at the same time you decided to take them to work again. And if so, do not scold them, do not criticize for the mistakes, do not blame their failures. Or dismissed, since they are poor, or work with what we have.

In personal relationships as well. Waking up in the morning, when we decided to be together, so we decided to select his partner again, among the various options. And does it make sense for the day to reproach him for his humor or non-compliance with our expectations if we have already decided to be with him. Every day we choose the person over and over again to spend a day of your life with him. The creation and destruction - it's up to us. Choose us.

Otherwise, life will choose for us, and have to go through a strange and senseless way.

Every day we get closer to the imperfections of their imperfections partner: consider, study and make a choice: love it or abandoned as alien to our inner world. If you love, then be there without the usual protections, without immature fantasies and outdoor installations. If you love, you allow yourself to be natural, without deceiving the one who is now near. Fearfully? Of course ... the hell out of scary, because there is no certainty that on the other side of the contact we meet, accept and understand.

You must learn to give up the guarantees and rights. We all change. Relationships change. From mad love to quiet inclination of the soul to the soul. These feelings are not on display. They are always raw in terms of the fact that every time they conceived a new potential and new opportunities. They are not smooth and polished as expensive Italian furniture. They always have flaws, but it does not make them miserable, and makes them natural. They are plausible, but the truth never shines.

Author: Tatiana Sarapin