Jokes Bashny.Net

- Why are you late for work ?!
 - Late out of the house ...
 - And before that it was impossible to get out? !!!
 - It was very late before leaving ...

The doorbell rings ... Opens the little boy and the policeman asks to call Dad ...
The boy says:
-I can not!
-Why?
-And His bulldozer moved ...
The policeman asks to call his mother ...
Boy meets again:
-I can not!
-Why?
-A Ker bulldozer moved ...
The policeman asks to call his grandmother ...
And the boy said again:
-I can not!
-Why?
-A Bulldozer moved also Ker ...
The policeman says:
Well then call me Grandpa ...
Again razdaYatsya answer:
-I can not!
The policeman asks again:
-Why?
-And His bulldozer moved ...
The policeman asked the boy:
-So What are you doing here?
-And I'm here on a bulldozer ride ...

President opens his bag, and then the red button and the inscription:
Press any key to continue ...

Crowded trolley. A terrible crush. In the old part of the trolley.
Pioner Young gets up and gives her a place.
 - What a nice malchik - notes leering old,
Pioner:
 - What are you, Grandma, it's my duty, I am happy to concede the place you
 - What a nice malchik! - Not appeased old woman
 - Grandma, I'm uncomfortable, I do not for praise conceded you a place, it's my duty! - Responsible cheeked pioner.
 - What a nice Malchik, a bold !!!

The large cruise ships working magician. He showed tricks leisure and spent a lot of time on the boat. More on the boat had a parrot. He always figured out the tricks and yelled
 - He pulled out of the sleeve of a rabbit !!! Look, look at it with a double bottom hat !!! etc. etc.
Magician hated a parrot and they never talked. Then there was a storm and was floating on a log juggler and a parrot. Parrot gloomy walks on a log back in perёd. I went, went, could not resist and scream
 - All right, enough, I give up! The ship, somewhere?

Flies aircraft. Throws parashutistov.
One rests - in any does not want to jump. Speaks:
 - Mom had a prophetic dream that my parachute did not open. I will not jump.
 - Let's switch to parachute you nebylo scary.
Change. Parashutist jumped. Parachute opened successfully. Flies, means he is enjoying life and suddenly past him stone flies instructor screamed:
 - Fuck ...

Announcement on the road to the mountain: "Dear vacationers, you can relax in our mountains. You are kindly requested to beware of grizzly bears living here. This is easily done if you hang clothes on a small bell ringing they will scare off the bears. Also, looking under his feet to avoid stepping in shit grizzly bear shit ... How to distinguish the grizzly bear? It's very simple, because it is almost always sticks a little bell »

Sit two tomatoes in the refrigerator. One tomato says poёzhivayas:
"Do-oo-oo ... cold ..." The second (in horror): "Ah-ah-ah! Talking Tomato! »

Conducted by two prisoners to be shot!
One says to another: "Terrible weather today!»
The guard overheard the conversation and said: "But I still have to return back»

In kamepy smeptnikov includes nadzipatel.
 - Poslyshayte - obpaschaetsya it to ppigovopennomy - zavtpa, modeled from how to put on elektpichesky styl, y spposil you, what is your final wish. You finally arrived all pavno so pop.posit, that I have raised salaries.

There are 2 pal.
One asks the other: "How are you, how are you as a wife?»
The second says: "Life is beautiful, great things, and I killed my wife yesterday.»
 - How to kill ?! Where the body works?
 - Yes, buried in the garden, only butt left on the surface.
 - Well, you wit !!! Why so perverted?
 - No, it's to put pedalboats.

Ochuhivaetsya man after surgery in the House and asked the doctor:
Oh, Doctor, what happened to me? I do not remember anything! It was an accident?
 - Yes, yesterday you were under the train, and you have operated.
 - So, I'm in the hospital?
 - Well, as you say. Partly, yes!

Sitting maniac (M) at the psychiatrist (P).
P. Otdgadayte puzzle
 - "Two rings the two ends and the middle of the stud?»
M. I thought, and said,
 - The student drove the nail points.
P. No scissors!
M. Shears hammered? Stunned.

 - You have such a smart, so talented, so educated, so brilliant ...
 - No ... I'm normal. It's just you're a fool.

 - Daddy, I want to be a pathologist.
 - Only chepez my tpup.

From the report of the Interior Ministry.
During the arrest of a dangerous criminal lieutenant Petrov used a service weapon, among the dead and wounded the offender was found.

Your dispute about Masters long anecdote recalls:
Dad teaches his son:
 - Remember, son, a clever man always around doubts.
Only dupak be fully uvepennym something.
 - You uvepen this, Dad?
 - Absolutely.

Announcement:
Sold parachute. New in package, never opened, once used. Slightly soiled.

The inscription on the rear window of the car OKA
"The capsule of Death" ...