"Interesting chemistry". Bashny.Net

I read the book "Entertaining chemistry».
It is like a spectacular experience titled: "Where is the alcohol?».

We're rooting for fellow Sochi 2014, but our joy would be incomplete if it were not for two bottles of vodka ...

Ford is going to Russia. Already on sale in 2108 Ford and Ford-2109.

Moldova emerged from the economic crisis!
He won the tender for pasting wallpaper Great Wall of China.

Together conductive shoved in his mouth ... polbanana colleague opposite looked with respect and interest ...

 - Girl, you do not want me to sell for $ 100?
 - You wrap?
 - What ?!
wrap  - Guba!

On the morning of the first of January of the child is heard shouting:
 - Mom, you promised that Santa Claus will bring me a football table! And there is nothing under the tree!
 - Yes, you do not shout so! I am because you missed a goal.

Sent once a group of railway workers for an internship in Germany.
People on abroad before did not go, do not know the language, and so on. D. On the first evening went to a restaurant at the hotel. Interpreter them already get tired of the whole day and ran to his room. Vodka ordered some men, and with food - a bobble. And mooing and bleating (depicting the meat), but the waiter of any tooth foot. Finally, the waiter pressed a button on the wall and there was another German, though bad, but to communicate in Russian. Then off we go ...
Ordered from the belly, reached schnapps (after the umpteenth bottle of vodka). And each time the button pressed cherished. After another pressing interpreter appears sleepy and sadly says:
 - Guys, you do not have a Jam every time the director of the hotel cause?

At the reception at the psychotherapist:
 - The patient, I see you have something bothering you?
 - Yes, I urgently need the toilet!
 - Well, let's talk about it ...

Judging by the testimony of the instrument, the patient is much better, his cardiogram already straightened.

I am surrounded by good people ... But I will not give up without a fight!

Up to 30 years, the boy says as he throws sticks per night. After 30ti to 60ti, how many liters of drinks. After 60ti - how he had heart attacks.

On the rise, it is easy, but on the front - weak ...

Blonde sits on the plane. She got a place at the window.
 - And I will not sell near the window?

Sitting behind a computer webmaster, very quickly scribbling script in PHP. Suitable grandmother:
 - My dear, as you have, it turns out, just not trained in computer literacy!
 - Why?
 - You did to know that next to the computer it is necessary to put a cactus?
 - No.
 - Well, as you say, competent!

In connection with the breakdown of a supercomputer to create an identikit, the Interior Department is inviting citizens to work with rich facial expressions.

On the Ukrainian road leading to the Crimea, is a man (M) and vote all who come by. Stops covered truck. Drove (B):
 - Shaw treba?
(M) - Commander! Throw to Simferopol ...
(B): - Ne mozhu. Tsementovoz!
(M): - What is cement? Look at you in the back of people are sitting.
(B): - Ce ne people. Ce cops!

 - I do not buy a pig in a poke, 'said the groom the bride's parents, -Up to the wedding, I would like to see his betrothed in kind, which God created it!
The bride's parents hesitated, but finally agreed.
Groom bride looked very carefully and finally said:
 - I can not marry her. Her ears are too big.

Bride:
 - Will you love me when we get married?
Groom:
 - I think so: I have always been attracted to married women!

Written on the condom vending machines:
"Do you want your money back - drop into the gap baby!»
Below is scrawled: "Do not buy this gum, gives rubber!»

 - As soon as the morning television starts aerobics, my husband immediately jumped out of bed.
 - He is so passionate about his aerobics in a few years?
 - No, he is not engaged in it, and watching through the window as performing these exercises topless young neighbor.

Universtitet. Lecture. In the front row sat the girl, an excellent student, hard outlines. Teacher:
 - The Scythians were valiant warriors. The customs of the Scythians were a rip off with the scalps of defeated enemies. Scalp they hung at the entrance to their homes.
Otlichnitsa:
 - What a terrible feng shui!

Evening. Doorways. Three youths. Boredom. There is a man.
 - Uncle, give me a cigarette!
 - Do not smoke, guys.
 - And in the face?
 - Hold!
The youth demolish the gate, the man goes on. A minute later:
 - Uncle, and for what?
 - Cigarettes left home, and "in the face" I zavsegda with him!

 - Auntie, give your photo with autograph!
 - Boy, you're gonna photo artists?
 - No, Pokemon!

The patient comes to the optometrist:
 - The first line below see?
 - Yes.
 - Read.
 - Publishing house "Printing", with a circulation of 5,000 copies ...

Husband and wife have dinner. Wife throws the soup:
 - Fu! Do I look like a pig!
 - Yeah. Yes, and borscht She drenched herself!

Odessa went to Paris. He calls his wife and asks:
 - Frosya sho - Benya robbed?
 - No.
 - A sho his Mona Lisa, which he hung in the kitchen, making the Louvre?

 - Tell me, because you have always been difficult to make unambiguous solution?
 - Yes and no…