Humor on the ship. Bashny.Net

I continue to publish stories Sanchё comrade. I hope this time more readable.
& quot; Here interested about sharpening anchors such we did not have, because the anchors are in Clusaz and from the upper deck to them simply do not reach. There were other jokes. Usually young people who ship the device not represented, sent for crinoline * oil. Pervosti young when to come to the ship SCHOOL begin to eat off, well and begins to cook, say, Che you there in uchebke, not fed? ** Let's at least the balls you fire. Only I rastilka ends, take the cup, go to the 205th to tamoshnem Coke, say that Toja sent it to you nalёt crinoline oil.

Well, if the young know what a crinoline, the trick does not pass, and if uchebke the classroom for military seamanship pressed mass, then picks up the mug and starts the Long March. In the 205-m say that the pier was over, did not get more, go to the next, they have. From there, sent to the warehouse, such as the cook in our dismissal, and without it you can not give out. From warehouse sent a cube More generally, the young team is all over, all the ships visit, until somebody from the staff is not plucked, well, there is already obscenely sent to teach the craft.

More bollards equals. Knecht are two round hrenoviny deck connected by a bridge, they secured eight moorings, well, to perehlestnut last loop, one nightstand Knecht was made higher up the other. Well, ask milled supposedly Videsh, bollard rough, you know why? If you know the trick, again, it is impossible, but if you do not know what to explain, at the re-mooring pier fender forgotten to hang over the side, and on the pier venerated, that's him, and led. Paint had, and now it must rectify before the arrival of the boatswain, take a sledgehammer and was equal to the same level were then boatswain reported it for that you in dismissal let go. (This is usually done when the bosun was not on board, the city will go or anywhere, as long as long.) Young takes a sledgehammer, and away we go! Did any of the officers see, ask what they say doing.

Yes, behold, it is necessary to straighten out before the arrival of the boatswain.

-And, Well, go on.

It all ends with the appearance of the boatswain, even from a distance:

-A Mother peremat what you ... you're here, so-peretakuyu, get up !!?

-Here, Straighten said before you came ...

-Vypravit!?!? Take ETU e ... sledgehammer, find that asshole that you there's ... nd do ordered and knock him on the skull to his brains straightened, then wherever you want, find the paint and close everything that you're here shot up, and then you will come to me and tell me why Knecht different tables, and then you fuck me when you will hand over the admission *** !!!

There have been more fun for the little things, like having coffee acorn-button to go well, or Braga found on the ship, but they were all sent to a young ship quickly learned. How many years have passed, and I was drunk the night wake, with closed eyes tell you how USVZ included, or where fire extinguishers are located.

About Women on the ship. They say that a woman on the ship - is unfortunately, and that is exactly. We have been the case, we were on duty at the Klaipeda direction and ended up in a storm, but this, now I remember that sick. Given both the anchor and practiced thruster column to keep his nose to the wave, but the good of it was a little hell yes. Skipper offered commander to come closer to the shore, but the commander, we had a hard-nosed, he said, will stand until the last sailor does not turn green. Once more there was nowhere to turn green, still decided to go to Klaipeda, podozhlat until the storm dies down a little.

Moored at the pier, and next to us struck up two tugs to the pier a huge cargo ship, "Litke Island," a little more of our "Agile" several times. And at this time of the aft tug gave slack, this whopper began to lean heavily on us, and we become literally flatten. Bala given the command "Leave the ship," but then he was given the all-clear, as in tow just figured out and pile stopped. Then, when the cargo ship departed, looked around, did not have much damage, but the left side hesitated.

When contacted with the team, has been received "good" go home to Liepaja. At this time in Klaipeda was the wife of our mechanics. Naturally, as soon as the checking, a mechanic called her, and she learned that we are in the port and going home, she decided to go with us. The commander gave "good", and went on to captain of the cargo ship dismantling.

Well, "understood" they are there for a long time and thoroughly, so that the captain came on board already dark, able to nestoyaniya above average, and we zasobiralis home, because by the time the storm had died down a little. Like, Nitsche no signs of trouble.

Yeah, right now! Departing from the port commander drunkenly mistook the target, and we came down to the old tochnehonko flooded with cement barge. So much so that she sat on the egg. (Egg - is fairing gidroakkusticheskoy station "Argun", here in pictures s61.radikal.ru/i174/1305/c0/a448946abe1c.jpg forum.pogranichnik.ru/uploads/12011...1_43_122415.jpg ) Beat, crashing, everything arrived. We tried to take on the full moves forward, backward, all useless, twisting on its own egg as skin on x ... called with the port tow - bestolku, prishros second cause. In general, we twitched two tugs hours, probably, 8, already bursting moorings. They are torn when, alongside the shoot, like a whip, only in the arm thickness, lifelines with side cut down completely.

In general, we tore the egg completely, emergency party plug hole, but anyone out there fucking shut up, fully sealed compartment CEO had. It just is a radio room, where I sat on the emergency alarm, and connection to the tugs, with the shore through me was so very well aware of all was. Yes, children with emergency when the party went great, water lapped the ice, pomёrzlis, then rubbed them with alcohol. Well, we left the egg in Klaipeda, but quietly went to the brigade. So it is now and probably there somewhere lies and Che him do it as titanium.

Later, later, in the same place in Klaipeda in the dock stood, we have put in place the egg cap, with the cap so the ship to the write-off and passed. It turns out that the woman on the ship - unfortunately, it would not be on-board mechanic wife, you see, the commander would not napendyavkalsya, and everything would be chiki-bunches.

On arrival the brigade began testing course, with all the special department began to shake, the commander lifted, lowered in rank and transferred to the bank, well, we were given a new commander. Well, so it was all one big "fun." The growth of small, plump, spitting Leonov from the movie "Ordinary Miracle", and all manners of one to one. Here, for example, built a team on the quarterdeck of a large gathering, the commander rechugu pushes all froze, listening intently. At this time, high in the sky flying aircraft. The commander saw vapor trail begins: Oooh! Won "IL" flying ... no, "Boeing" ... no, "IL" ... no, "Boeing" ... signalman! The god-mother soul !!! This "IL" is flying or "Boeing» !!?

 - I do not know taschkomandir not seen very high.

 - Well, what we have strayed from the subject, signalman 2 outfit out of turn, will continue.

In general, a lot of talk about it can somehow write separately.

More about pitching, you can tell. What swayed everyone knows, but you get used quickly, I pervosti twice bucket frightened, then used just like to eat when pitching. Although there have been exceptions. My first squad, as I came to him in a half-year demobilization was cut down at the roll completely, but he worked on the machine. Sitting on watch, upёrshis in the table, with no signs of life, eyes closed, one hand on DKMe (Morse code transmitter, such as typewriter, only when the letters, press, then the air goes Morse code), and the second with a pen on a notebook. What negotiations are going on the air, Lech them unattended. But our call signs went all Lech without opening his eyes still writes, is done, after it had just radioed in and rewrite the journal report to the commander. Well, it was a special high-end.

Muscled is pitch and the most worthless. Baltika, it is generally shallow, so there is a wave of short and tall, so strong, and the pitching, and even without the eggs, which at the same time it was kind of stabilizer. Generally, when rolling objects do not behave as they all laws of physics should be, and they themselves want. For example, a dinner in the dining room, sitting at the table, one hand holding a plate in the other spoon and bread, and if you accidentally let go of the plate, it goes to the other end of the table and it urgently needs to catch. Because, if not immediately catch plate is dispersed across the table (and on the perimeter of the table there is a ledge millimeters 8 height such that when rolling the dishes are not falling), reaches the ledge, jump on it like on a trampoline, and well even if just flies, but she always tries to be sure someone in the face. But while the catch plate is lifted from the banks **** and she from under you vyezzhaet.Ona though fastened to the deck of a chain, but the chain freewheel 30 cm, back and forth more than two feet turns. Therefore stand, upёrshis on the table with his elbows on bent, waiting until it back does not come, then getting hit below the knees, sit down, riving feet on the table and the bulkhead and keep food intake, in such circumstances by no other word.

When pitching to climb / descend the ladder special pleasure about how the astronaut during startup, then the kiss you to the ladder, the legs are torn from him, and would like hovering birds, though not for long, if not for a rail by holding out. And look how in some movies show, walk the ramp, not even adhering to, oh, I would have given a lot to look at them during the roll. & Quot; © Sanchё

But his first story

* Crinoline - a part of the upper deck that extends beyond the board, then you can see on the pictures, they are torpedo tubes. At our 1124 "Albatross" we were not, were at the 205th "Tarantula", where the brigade was like 6 pieces, I forgot already.

** Bowl - potatoes.

*** Admission to the independent watchkeeping.

**** Bank - sidushka.





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