This can only be heard in Odessa

Odessa - a special city. There are people that respond accurately and with humor, will find a way out of any situation, and certainly will not get his words.

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• Rosa L. in the pharmacy.
  - And for the man sho better - validol or valerian?
  - And what is the diagnosis?
  - Bag of seven thousand! - Estimate, Senya, this morning I go and meet - he Zhvanetskiy!
  - Autograph asked?
  - Senya, why him my autograph? - My Fira forever whining: I have nothing to wear, I have nothing to wear!
  - Oh, Boris! I beg you! Give her a sack of potatoes, and let myself is! - Sarah, I asked you to stroke my jacket!
  - So I stroked.
  - Not true! Thousand as lying in the inside pocket and lies! - Mark Samuilovich whom you work?
  - Testers!
  - And what do you feel?
  - The needs!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  • Boris is reading a book called "How to become the owner of the house." Inspired, he runs into the kitchen and pokes his finger into Lucy:
    - From this moment my words - the law! In the evening I cook a sumptuous dinner and then do the bath so I can relax. Potrёsh my back, and shalt deliver bathrobe. Then do me a massage. And guess who then will I dress and prichёsyvat?
    - Chu, and sho here to guess - undertakers!
  • During the marriage vocabulary words Sofas reduced to rolling of eyes. Calls Rabinovitch to the police :
    - Hello, police! At home I have a riot!
    - What happened?
    - My Sarochka raged!
    - So what is the riots?
    - Oh, you do not know what her weight ... - Abramchik, and you're not afraid of me when I'm without makeup?
    - Rosette, yet, if we are to be honest to the end, then I'll dread and cosmetics.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    • - Sarah, do you imagine, Izzy in the will left 100 thousand dollars that Tsile that 40 years ago refused to marry him!
      - Oh, I understand - THANKS! - Moishe, can I ask you a question?
      - What?
      - When we finally go to the movies?
      - You can not. It was Rabinovich on the street. Found money. I counted. Not enough! - Izzy, we'll go home with you?
      - Little Sophie, how do you want?
      - And how to say, "Porsche" or "Porsche»?
      - Honey, the same right to say: "trolley»! - With my Monya is absolutely impossible to live!
      - Oh, so divorce!
      - What more! He ruined my life, and I shall bestow on him?!
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
      • - Sofochka, you always do mine nerves ... Why should I wait for you so long?
        - Yoshiko, I beg you, you sho do not know? Mina Well like to be a long-awaited! - Izzy, what would you say, if it met the woman who would be loving, kind, gentle and well-prepared to?
        - "Hello, Mother». - Abraham and Shaw is Sarochka not heard?
        - That she tore his voice, proving to me, Shaw can still silent ... As we say in Odessa: Schaub you've lived like cry the blues! Odessa. Comes Monya shop balloons.
        - Yesterday I have bought the balls, and they were defective, take it back.
        - Why? Burst? Ran?
        - No, they do not please me ...
        See also: If you learn the wisdom of life, then the citizens of Odessa
        All the delights of family life in Odessa
        Odessa sarcasm post
        
        via www.adme.ru/svoboda-kultura/odesskogo-sarkazma-post-899110/