Jokes Scientists

1- How often can joke about chemistry?
- Periodically.





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3.Malo lab worker who remembers Pierre and Marie Curie. Yes, it is not much light.



4.Gely walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender turns around and says: "Sorry, we do not serve the noble gases." Helium does not react



5. "I do not know where your uranium»



6.Chertov Higgs boson. He thinks that the world revolves around him.



7.Shrёdinger walked around the room in search of shit kitten, who was sitting in the box neither dead nor alive.



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10.Prisoedinyaysya resistance



11.Neytron walks into a bar and asks, "How do you drink?" The bartender replies, "Do you have enough, you're already so charged»



12.Tahion walks into a bar. Bartender him: "Tachyons are not served!" "Strange, - says tachyon - tomorrow catered»



13.Geyzenberg was driving when he was stopped by traffic police. "Do not you know how fast you are going?" - Asked the policeman. "No," - said Heisenberg, - "But I know exactly where I am at the moment»



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16.- What is the "B" in the name of Benoit B. Mandelbrot?
- Benoit B. Mandelbrot.



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19.Kogda mathematician dancing ...



20.U Alex always had suspicions ...



21. "The Day of the 19th, I finally made my professor smile. Now he writes in his notebook something every time I'm drooling. " Pavlov's Dog.



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23.Tipov only 10 people: those who understand binary system, and those who do not understand.



24.- Why bit system is 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, 1024? - Well, it's so easy! Here look. Do you for example 1000 rubles. Or, for good measure, 1024 ...



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26.- How long should the Freudians to screw in a light bulb? - Two. One will twist the bulb and the other to keep the penis ... Oh, that is my father ... Oh, that is a ladder



27.Biolog, chemist and statistician went hunting. Biologist shoots at a deer, but misses to the left five meters. Chemist shooting at a deer, misses the bullet stuck in the tree five meters to the right. Statistics: "We shot him!»



28.Fiziku, mathematicians and engineers were given the task to find the volume of a red rubber ball. Physicist ball dipped in a glass of water and measure the volume of liquid displaced. Mathematician measured the diameter of the ball, and calculated the triple integral. The engineer took from the table "Table volume of red rubber balls" and found the value.



29.Biolog, engineer and mathematician sipping coffee on the patio, and notice that on the other side of the street to the house went to two people. After a while, the house has left three people. Biologist: Two paired multiplied and left the house three. Engineer: No, just our initial observation of an error! Mathematician: You're both wrong. It is necessary to wait until the house will enter another person and then it will be empty again.



30.Eynshteyn, Pascal and Newton play hide and seek. Einstein said, in the meantime, Pascal and Newton have to hide. Pascal escapes and successfully hides, and Newton is not going to run anywhere. Instead, it draws around itself a square on the ground. Einstein opens his eyes and says - Newton, just like you would find! - Nothing of the sort - he says - You found Pascal! Pay attention to the ground - one newton per square meter!

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