10 "Do not" well-known psychologist Julia Gippenreiter, which has everything you need to know about the children

How not to become a mentor with respect to his own child? How to teach children self-reliance and to convey to them my feelings? Slon Magazine readers had a meeting with the famous psychologist Julia Gippenreiter and recorded ten tips that you should not do when dealing with a child.



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Do not be afraid to change the life traektoriiMnogie ask, what is worse -. Child, abandoned the working mother or the child, who only sees the tormented mother with household chores. There is an opinion that it is necessary to choose a self-realization, or the children.

In fact, if you sit with the kids and you're bored and bad - change the situation
. A person becomes happier when the different parts of his soul and mind agree among themselves. There is no need to suppress any part of itself or in respect of children or spouses or work. Be more sensitive to yourself, get rid of schematic reasoning: either pan or success in society. Such simplification - not about real life with the feelings and the will to change. < Do not be afraid to risk
Not wait chuda

Somehow one my mother asked: "If Dad comes home for fifteen minutes before the boy goes to sleep, how to do, so that they come into contact," Get in touch they are. But to become a full Dad
The child's memory will remain mum, grandmother, aunt, nanny and their installation, the characters, the way of thinking and attitude to the world - but not my father's. Because so much is not transferred to the child through direct speech, and through the observation of the family and their relationship. And these relationships children then reproduce in their lives
Do not force yourself to play with rebenkomDo school-aged child's main mode of existence -. Play. But the important thing is not how many hours and minutes you spend with it, and quality
Besides joint games, the child must be able to hold their own and play themselves. "Do it yourself", "I invent" goes further in "the very thought." You will not be able to build him his thoughts. Therefore, it is important that it was not only "we are together", but "I myself." We need to let go, so that he no longer always rely on my mother: What I do now? But what to do? It is important to gently remove themselves from the game so that the child was playing himself.

Moreover, parents should never about the actions of the child to say "we." "We went to kindergarten", "we went to the second class," "We are ready for school", and then "we go to college." It is important that children distinguish I
Not "educate" rebenkaRebenka often brought up on the understanding which is considered the main mom and dad of their ideas about how the child should behave and how should be organized in his life. Undoubtedly, the need to ensure the safety of the child and in many respects limit, at least for the fact that he fell out of the window from the sixth floor and was able to cross the road. It is important that it is time to eat, sleep, and was accustomed to the pot.
But for psychic contact
. All these lines of "I want" and "do not want" is actually playing with different signs of parental "right" that we call education. We need it to sleep and time to eat, we need to work. And what should it? I will say, perhaps dramatically, and paradoxically, if you want to establish emotional contact with the child - stop him to bring
not always be pravyChasche just raise our parents practice - it . Schooling
. If a child is wrong, we first fix in a hurry: "Well, you know how to add, we are taught ...". And you take and make a mistake on purpose, write a first grader: 2 + 5 = 6. How to be happy your child that parents make mistakes too! Children are accustomed to, that they are run, their crush. But they themselves - nothing. < does not teach a child - play around with it
not stop -. Let him go where hochetMy nervously pulled over the child's tights, because late in kindergarten. And he was sitting, lounging, and thinking about something else. Because he already knows: he dressed, lead, surrender - when and where parents need. It will form. < And he wants?
. The motivation of the child, his interests have to observe as the apple of the eye and develop
not scare cruel miromNeredko I hear this question: "That you, Julius B., preach humanism and respect for the child. And our society preaches violence, cruelty and cunning. And if the child is at home only white and fluffy, then he would have to prepare at the school where he works and writ suppression system? »

On these issues, I have the answer. The more a saved developed and strengthened. loose
And do not forget to talk about chuvstvahKak studies show that the development of the so-called emotional intelligence is of great importance for how much. successfully in the future child will be able to cope with difficult situations. To develop children's emotional intelligence, to be used in communication Dictionary emotions.
says lock up
And do not forget to communicate your feelings to him: "You are now refuse to put on, and I was very sad," "I'm sorry, I can not let you ice cream tenth" (there is also a spark of humor)

. Do not admonish "You yourself promised it would last a cartoon!" this is the "same" is called exhortation
The child says, "I do not want to go to bed." Go meet his mood: "You do not want to sleep? And you are very upset that we have such a rule? It would be better if such rules were not! Yes, some of the rules can be very nasty ... But I can not help it, it's rule
"You know that cars can only be the birthday" - this again exhortation. If your child needs something, do not get involved in the negotiations, did not dispute his words, but put his limitations. And most importantly, do not lecture him, just get him, "Do you really need a machine. You really want her. Now I have no way. But I remember that you need this. »

But do not forget that in addition to the rules, children must be right
Not replace the real world gadzhetamiOsobennost new technologies is that they provide instant feedback. That is, the child is grown on gadgets are not used to the fact that the response to his actions can be delayed, deferred. Another feature: the interaction of physical limitations. With gadgets small hands manipulating bring a huge flow of information. As a result, they do not give the opportunity to study the physical laws of interaction of objects. The third characteristic feature of the new technology:. Emotional relationships in computer games and social networks stubby, given the limited forms

Parents should understand the richness of the real world and its parameters. Recognize any of these parameters in technology cut
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