TELL her about IT! Bashny.Net

When you get older, no longer afraid of many things, and some, conversely, begin to fear more. For example, I am very afraid of losing loved ones, and in fact sometimes lose a person's the most stupid way — and the most popular: due to silence him or her.

When I was little and young, I thought that a man can love only when he looks good and doing well. I tried, but I couldn't do it. I'm impulsive and temperamental, and sometimes frustrated by the scandals, the euphoria.

Of course, I would like to be balanced and calm, but did not succeed. And knowing him for this imperfection, I would die if my husband told me about it, would die just from the shame that I was exposed and realized that I'm no angel, can be small, loud, jealous, quarrelsome, envious, and greedy. He must have seen in me this, but said nothing.





Now that I work a lot with women who have lost their beloved men, I see that one of the most popular ways of male escape is to suffer and be silent. Rather, suffering, BUT silent, and then disappear. Saying — "I have long been bad, I'm sorry."

At this point, women feel anger. They feel, above all, cheated on and then abandoned. "Why didn't you tell me?!" they ask, but the man only bows his head and says nothing, turns away, sometimes he says quietly, "I told you, but you didn't hear".

I guess the point here is that women are not even aware, because it is rarely spoken in normal families: about the power of male anger at a woman, the power of his anger. Most often the notorious departure of the men to another room or out of the house with a strong quarrels is a great way to save the relationship. Impact men's fist in the wall, leaves a dent, in the same way his anger out on us, and it can leave a hefty dent in the relationship. So they run away from us at this point, and to carry away your inner destructive force. You, the woman, capable to cause in him strong feelings that can hurt, cause not only desire, but also anger, and you can almost not see anything and not to notice outwardly.

So I want to appeal to men, tell your woman about your "bad" feelings. This is a very delicate art, because if you criticize, you will not hear, if blame — you start to defend yourself, but really women want to know what they are doing is wrong and that this moment is happening to you.

Consider a simple picture. Your woman criticizes you in public or in private, or to devalue your victory, or your success or even your ability to fry an egg and not burn it. Such a familiar thing at this moment if you are pushing from the inside, and somehow you even more gather strength, but only from time to time, and then just give up and not do anything I want.

In this familiar scenario, a man bravely silent, because he knows how bravely to remain silent, or, if you just dopekut, to drive and to say stuff, but most often courageously silent. Later, however, you pick on a child, a cat, a slave, or on the road suddenly aggressive and will go quickly, spitting on others, and then feel like a jerk and a bastard.





I remember the great occasion when the man said exactly this to the woman so that she heard it, said very well, although it was said wrong. She did what men very badly, ridiculed him in public. The reason of its such behavior is not very important, what's important is he as a real man, nothing to it, of course, did not answer, not being hurt in return and not done out of spite, but then privately began in exasperation, "well why are you always saying I can't drive" (no matter what he did bad and bad was the question). To which she said something like — "what good, or what?" and then they started to argue until blue in the face, losing, actually, the initial reason.

And then one day he told her exactly: "When you criticize me people, I'm sick and I feel like you were betraying me. I'm angry with you after that and don't want to have sex with you".

It is true, men, restraining against a woman a lot of aggression, may lose attraction, arousal, desire. At this moment a couple gets into a vicious circle: sex becomes less, the woman ceases to feel itself desired, is angry at the man, her anger throws it even further, sex becomes even smaller and the circle closes.

But what will happen if you tell your woman the truth? Because the truth is not only that you are bad, but that some of her actions you don't like really. I think at this point any man who will dare to tell her about it, experiencing strong feelings — anger, embarrassment, and guilt, and hope.

This is one of the ways to learn about the woman more, when you talk to her about unpleasant things. You will see that it is also at this point can experience very strong emotions. Shame, embarrassment, and anger, and fear. Many women say "that you had not told me" and never do as doing.

A pounce with criticism and accusations defensively at first. Another part of women is horrified and says "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were so ill from it." And the vast majority will sooner or later stop doing hurtful male things. But only under that condition if you tell her.

 

If you are silent and do not say, suffer in the hope that she will guess in this case, alas, you have no moral right to expect that something will change. Women, of course, intuitive men, but none of us is psychic. Therefore, there is a paradox in time released aggression Packed into competent form, and save your relationship and your sex is much safer than if you do it all the time to carry and hide, and then just disappear, because there is no strength to endure.

 

Also interesting: the Conflict in pair: silence is the most destructive weapon

Eyes. Psychosomatics: the Displacement that "cannot or do NOT want to see"

 

So tell her: not that she's wrong because she starts to argue with you. And about your feelings, your condition when it makes you feel bad, hurt or passed. About what you are used to talking, but what woman would be very important to hear.published

 

Author: Yulia Rubleva

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: get-hard.ru/w/blog/skazhi-ey-ob-etom/?rf=yes&CODE=skazhi-ey-ob-etom