Civil marriage — the road to nowhere Bashny.Net

Before you start reading, I must warn you that if you "hand and foot" zagrjadsky marriage and open relationship, you'd better my article not read.





© Steve Hanks

To fence themselves from negative emotions and controversy, it is better to search the Internet for articles in favor of informal relations.

Who has not heard such a phrase that the stamp in the passport solves nothing and does not give guarantees? I agree, no signed contract does not guarantee that it will not be disturbed by one of the parties. Life has no guarantees, it is changeable and unpredictable.

Many assert that love is not hindered by the absence of a stamp. If so, then how can he interfere when it is placed? Unfortunately, life shows that the stamp is easier to put than to put.

I can not judge whether this is good or bad. Civil marriage is a diagnosis. A woman living in a civil marriage are not married, and the man is not married. Hardly anyone will argue with that.

Give me one reason to be in an unregistered marriage. They are not. The only reason is freedom. Freedom from obligation, from responsibility and choice.

Therefore, in such a relationship I do not believe. Explain in order.

Civil marriage is not always the final choice (neofiber). When a man and a woman live a long time together, but not marry, not make the next important step, they say to each other: "I expect the best (the best). Bert Hellinger.

— I know only one thing that any woman with children, for example, a girl is unlikely to wish she lived in a civil marriage. Try to feel how your body how your heart responds to the following information: your daughter is not married but lives with a man in a civil marriage? How do you feel if in such a relationship, your grandchildren are born? For some, this is completely unacceptable, and someone will say that like anything bad, but there are some unpleasant taste. And it is better not to think about it. To close my eyes.

For me marriage is a kind of initiation ritual. Before it was the wedding, tonight is registration at the registry office. And this is very important. Every ritual draws a line before and after. This event, after which begin another life. You, the bride, and then wife. And the female psyche is arranged so that for us is very important rituals. Therefore, any dreams about her wedding day and dress.

For example, in the middle ages a man could wear armor, but a knight he could only be after the dedication. And it was not only a civil act, but also symbolic, which was accompanied by dressing up in different clothes and with offerings, vows. The ceremony was long, and for the family of the future knight was very costly. But without this ritual, he could not call himself a knight.

Very often young people living in an open relationship, not acquaint their parents with the parents of their partners, there is no Union of two families, the two family systems. If the young apply to the Registrar, the parents generally get acquainted. All feel responsible, not only the couple but also parents, friends, relatives. Everyone understands that there is a Union. In partnerships no Association no.

— Any signing of papers, associated with subsequent commitments and incurring the consequences for their violation, punishment, treatment. The stamp is responsibility. This signing of the contract. Do not just go out of the registered relationship. You need to go through the process of divorce and to take responsibility for the fact that the relationship did not work out. And become a divorced man.
In the case of civil marriage, as it was free, and it still is. I have friends who have long lived in a civil marriage. When the man decided to leave, he could not muster the courage to admit that is gone forever. He just left to another, as a free man. What could be the claim to it, because he promised nothing, signed nothing.

Marriage is impossible, at least, will have to explain with his wife and divorce responsibility. And everyone knows that life just did not pass, we are responsible for everything and pay for everything.

— I have heard that people are afraid to form relationships because the stamp will mess it up. "A stamp in the passport kills the romance". Right, if one has not yet decided to make a final choice, the stamp will mess it up. Marriage is a thread, put, if you wish, it connects. Man feels that is not free, it begins to oppress, there is internal resistance to this kind of "unfreedom". Man is not romantic, and married.

It starts to break down, and as a result, someone comes out of relationship. And then thinks that it is a stamp which "killed the romance". The stamp is not romance, it's the carelessness and irresponsibility.

— A huge number of people lose track of their age and refuse to grow up. Free life gives a feeling of youth, or rather youth and carelessness. Marriage and family do not involve such feelings. Women entering into such relationships, and encourage carelessness, do not allow the man to grow up. "Boys shack up, men create families". Steve Harvey

— Sometimes young people say they want the lavish ceremony, I want something Grand, but no money. I do not believe. So we want to "be adults" and "playing house", and we have no money. Well, you can dig, to wait. No, I want everything at once: away from parents, play in the family. When there is a goal, there are funds, and when there is no goal, then there are excuses. And the result is "adult" married bachelors.

Dating can't be eternal, the next stage of development of relations is the Registrar. Bud cannot bloom forever. And here a man must make a responsible decision – I'm making a choice in favor of this woman. To tell your parents, her parents that they are combined. Or he needs to leave that woman and move on. The woman sometimes does not allow the man to take this important step, jumping prematurely from the parental home.

In civil marriage the woman believes that she is married, and the man says that he's single. I have heard that people have been living together for 10 years, and the man never calls the woman a wife, and calls her his girlfriend. It may sound romantic, but it gives the whole meaning of such a relationship. And how is a woman to call such a man "beloved man, with whom I live"?

— When a man refuses to marry, he kind of takes a woman to rent, without the worries and obligations. And it gets everything that makes the wife: loyalty, emotional support, arranged life, sex, love, children and everything he wants. When we rented a flat, we take it as temporary and do not really care about the room.
Keep your standards and don't forget about your dignity. Why do you allow yourself to use it? This does not mean that you need to ask him to marry you. Let him know that you don't need to rent. If he gets scared, then you don't need him. If he is not ready to start a family, it is at least true. Why live with the deceiver? But we are afraid to know the truth, so live in deception.

— Every man instinctively knows that he must marry. If he's not married, so not ready. And if you are, then you have different goals. So he wants to live with a woman, but is afraid to get married? A real man should be responsible for their actions. And you don't have to indulge him in his cowardice and the cowardice.

Men in this sense, spoiled. Women today are available in any meaning everywhere: in the subway, in transport and at work. Virtually every ready for any relationship. Therefore, if you do not have a clear position on this issue, the man of her too, will have. "You see, for some men marriage is in the same category as eating vegetables: you know it's necessary, but really you don't want to do that because oiled, oily, salty, juicy Burger and so much tastier". Steve Harvey.

Often civil marriage called a "rehearsal", "removing test". Cheating clean water. How can this be checked? Sometimes relationships begin to deteriorate after three years or after having children. Then you need to try everything — as he will be with you with the pregnant contact, with children will communicate. According to this theory had twenty years to try not to make the wrong choice. Relationships can deteriorate after 10-20 years of marriage, when all goals are achieved, purchased apartments, the children grew up.

In fact, the woman begins to live in a civil marriage in order to experience the feelings and to keep the man and find at least some stability in the relationship. But it is deceptive. Certainty as there was no and no.

Often the woman herself is the initiator of cohabitation. Often she even closes her eyes to the true attitude of the partner on his feelings. She meets a suitable man, she wants to get closer, and the man does not make deals. Of course, the man always behind the comfort of home and available sex, so he agrees to live together. But he did not agree to marry. Feel the difference, as they say.

Then a woman waiting for suggestions, but man does. Then, she convinces herself, that the family stamp is not important. She already thinks himself a wife, and him my husband, but this "husband" is often still married to another. And as if she did not call, deep down she is aware of his precarious status.

— If a civil marriage have children, then I do not see why not to register the relationship. This is irresponsible towards them. They're very well feel that something is wrong, the parents have different surnames. Yes, and why mom and dad are not married? Why didn't he propose? Why he did not choose it? We live in a society, children go to school, and they are not as free as their parents. Why do they have to explain that dad's mother, just my mom didn't register the relationship?

Often young people do not marry because of social protest, they say, we are not a herd and live according to his own: — "our big love stamp is not required." Always pair someone one wants to formalize the relationship, and broadcasts the other about exclusivity, about the free world. But behind all this lies not made a choice, and waiting for the best partner.

I have had friends that have lived 13 years in unofficial relations, and others even could not assume that they are not husband and wife, all seemed well. They are not painted because I just don't believe in formal marriage. Then the man met another woman six months later with her married.
I know that if a man meets a woman, he leads her to the Registrar. If it does not lead you, then waiting for another. You did not choose it. Perhaps this is harsh, but it's TRUE.

Man is by nature a proprietor, and if he meets a woman, and she's completely satisfied, then with a stamp no problem. He is to insist. For men it is very important to transfer their status to a selected woman, as well as his name. In the case of civil marriage do not. Really, if a man made a final choice, he will allow a woman to stay single? Don't believe it.

— The greatest need of woman is the need for security. How can she be satisfied with a civil Union? No way. Unconsciously, the woman always feels the anxiety for tomorrow, she can't relax in such a relationship. All women need certainty.
This implies that if there is no confidence in the partner, so a woman can only count on yourself. She can't trust the partner, it must insure and keep the finger on the pulse. And it kills her as a woman.

I'm guessing that will get a lot of emails and comments about that you know many couples who live happily without a stamp that they love and harmony.
Now I want to stop this kind of writing. We sometimes bring something I can not understand, to understand what is happening in our family. What can we know about others? The façade can be beautiful, but what lies behind it, we can not know.
I know only one thing – almost every woman wants to have certainty in the relationship. And it's unlikely she wants to be the eternal bride, girlfriend or mistress, unless, of course, she isn't the best party in the relationship.

All this talk about freedom of choice not quite sincere and natural. It is important to know the truth and finally stop deceiving, above all, herself. Because, ultimately, only a woman allows or does not allow an open relationship.published

Author: Tatiana Dzuceva

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: womancosmo.ru/vyjti-zamuzh/grazhdanskij-brak-doroga-v-nikuda.html