Leave alone the parents Bashny.Net

Looking at the insane amount of pop psychological articles written on the topic of relationships with parents, as it is assumed that the subject has long been exhausted. Has, like, nothing to add: all told, about resentment, about injuries, about bad stuff. However, the problem somehow behaves like the proverbial Hydra: the more it is mentioned, the more common it becomes. Willy-nilly this fact suggests the subversive idea — maybe we look like something is wrong? Maybe something important escapes attention?





Starting to compare similar article between them, I noticed three main authors ' positions:

1. Some try to explain that to the reader to do as a child is wrong, and why he was so miserable, inept or what. What to do with this sacred knowledge, more often than not say.

2. Others appeal to the responsibility of adult children. They say that you do something for yourself is still not solve? The call is clear, but for some reason it sounds familiar from childhood with the reproach, which automatically want to do out of spite.

3. Still others claim that a parent has long been sitting in our head and now we have to negotiate with him, and not to real ancestors. This, too, can agree, although we can not say that the transfer of the conflict from the external to the internal oversimplified the situation.

Still slightly generalize and simplify: of the three positions obtained by the questions: "Why is it so?", "What do we do now?"and "How to live with it?", respectively. Questions on their own are useful. But, in my opinion, one is not enough: "Why?" Let's try to answer it in different variations and see what it will give.

"Why do monsters-parents all this to do with us?"

If you have already become parents, you may notice that your own relationship with the children in many cases are included in the process of solving everyday problems. You need to cook, clean, work, go shopping, visit the doctor. While we somehow manage to relax, meet friends, do your hobby. And in all this we need not just to collect the child, feed and wash — he needs to pay emotional attention. Here lies the main challenge: to do free kicks, swearing and "because I said so", you need to possess a number of psychological and pedagogical knowledge and skills. Now to buy them no problem: bookstores are full of literature on the subject, for all tastes, the Internet offers hundreds of webinars, workshops and training, and the psychological center with the right specialist can be found almost across the road. Child psychology has become the most popular and rich in suggestions branch of psychology, so it would wish. And what was your parents? Here is the first answer: in most cases, no one is going to mangle your fragile psyche just needed to solve everyday problems, which you of ignorance was not always possible to correctly include.

"Why rake up the past?"

Different times put different demands on man, and we have the conditions radically changed every generation. That was the norm then, now, often looks wildness. And this applies not only to instruments of education, but his goals. What to teach, what to prepare the child, if already did not really understand how to live correctly? Since uniform values are lost, each family had to answer this question differently. Yes, not all decisions have been successful, but in this situation it is difficult to expect. Anyway, it's still the fact has already happened that you cannot change. So the second answer is: digging in childhood helps to understand yourself, but only if the goal is to learn to accept the past and ourselves in the present.

"Why build a relationship with your parents?"

You sort of already do adults, perhaps even with your children. You say, no desire to blame someone or justified. You just want to build their lives without thinking about the past. It is definitely worthy of the position, but reinvent the wheel is not always advisable. From the nuclear family (mom-dad-I) compared to extended (with the crowd working closely relatives) there are both pros and cons. The main advantage — independence and the main disadvantage is the loss of ancestral experience and connections of generations. If not everyone, most people have inherited traits, habits, attitudes and other things that I want to get rid of. We may not like it this baggage, we may be afraid to pass it on to their children already, but in trying to refuse it, we are doomed to make the same mistakes that our parents made. Unless, of course, we don't know what obstacles they overcame, how, and with what result. And this is the third answer: I don't need neither exalt nor depreciate the parents, but it is useful to consider their experience. It ourselves can make confident.

In conclusion, summarize what was said. Parent-child relationships deserve the attention paid to them. But poking around in them to justify their current failures or even aimlessly, doesn't make sense. Much more useful to know how parents lived, to use what they gave you and learn to forgive their mistakes so it is reasonable to treat their. published

Author: Alexander Alov

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.syntone.ru/library/article_other/content/8064.html