self-punishment Menu: oncology, psychopathic partner, head-tyrant ... What would you like? Bashny.Net

Some people, feeling somewhat delinquent, eager to be punished and aggressively looking for ways as closely as possible to punish themselves. In their intention, they tend to do well - are undermining their health, "adheres" to the flawed relationship, regularly engaged samoedstvom

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Classics of the genre - different kinds of psychosomatic headaches and migraines, problems with the gastrointestinal tract and the cardiovascular system, rash, up to the most serious cancers

. In addition, it can be a real, physical damage to yourself obkusyvaniya nails, hair pulling, cuts, burns, causing himself pain, broken arms and legs. These types of self-punishment often choose children.

It happens that people who punish themselves, are in a relationship or situation that they are clearly harmful, threatening their health and even their lives. For example, partners who practice physical and emotional abuse. At work, where the tight schedule and it is impossible to rest, to sleep, where are constantly tense atmosphere reigns and all communicate with each other in a raised voice. The apartment, where three rooms twelve tenants who quietly hate each other.

"Wrong" feeling - a good reason to strictly punish myself

The desire to punish myself awake all socially unacceptable emotions that we do not allow yourself to experience in relation to the others: fear, anger, pain, disgust, guilt, shame, sadness. A person who is prone to self-punishment, is living with the idea that he can not express to others, including loved ones, their negative emotions - under no circumstances can not be angry, you can not be angry, you can not be sad and cry, you can not claim your
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For example, I'm angry at Vasya, but he's my boss, so I restrain my anger. If it is difficult to keep it in check, I accidentally step on the foot or Vasya pressed his door. And if I'm good at to restrain anger will come out in the form of psychosomatic medicine.

The problem comes from the childhood

The unconscious desire to punish himself arises when a person can not place them outside experienced feelings and emotions. Rather than send them to another person or situation, in relation to which they were born, he begins to pay them himself.

All the feelings, emotions, sensations are born in us in response to some stimulus from the outside. They saw each other - happy. Pricked a needle - upset. With our senses we act differently. We can express them directly, such as a smile or a frown. We can - indirectly: caustic joke or pointedly silent. We can all hold back and do not share them with others.

All of these responses are normal and natural ways, as long as they follow each other, that is, until the person is able to choose how he reacts. But sometimes this natural process is disrupted. For example, parents forbid the child to express anger: scold and punish him if he is angry, and encourage, if he does not show it "ugly" and "uncomfortable" feeling hides it inside. The child learns that it is necessary to restrain anger, and now tends to mask it. So he finds himself at risk.

Being myself a friend, not a strict judge

If you find yourself an attraction to self-punishment and would like to get rid of it, try to take the following steps.

1. regaining control over their actions. So, people who bite their nails, smear them with something bitter. Thanks to this trick a person notices that gnaws nails - usually he does it unconsciously - and stops

. 2. To establish the true object of their negative emotions. Felt an irresistible urge to harm themselves, ask yourself: 'What feeling motivates me? To whom it is directed in reality? »

At this stage, it is useful to resort to the classic exercises designed psychotherapist, founder of Gestalt therapy, Fritz Perls - "empty chair". Can you imagine your "inner pest" in the form of the image (animal, friend or stranger, the hero from the cartoon or movie, etc.) And "seat the" it on an empty chair. Arrange themselves opposite. Try to visualize the details of his counterpart, you ask him questions you wish. For example: "Why are you doing this? What do you want? Why do I need you? "Then move on the chair his imaginary" companion "and respond on his behalf. The purpose of the exercise - to hear the "truth", the point of view of "domestic pest", agree with it, because the enemy turn into an ally

. 3. Select a constructive way to express the feeling that you forbid yourself. For example, you realize that you are angry and annoyed at the boss. First of all it is important to realize that anger - very useful feeling, it appears when we crave change something in their lives, when we feel that the current situation hurts us when there is a sensation: on can not continue. Having understood what changes for you desirable and necessary, honestly discuss with the boss, that does not suit you. Maybe he puts in front of you unrealistic tasks or downplaying your merits and does not encourage you in due measure, or treats you in a boorish way. If a common language with the head can not be found, it is possible to gather like-minded people, to invite the Commission to assess the working conditions, to take the decision to move to another department or quit, and others. There are many solutions.

Often people think that anger is literally overwhelms them and can destroy everything around. And when they finally dare to express it in a specialist's office, it turns out that in fact the "degree" of this anger is much lower than they had imagined.

Sometimes the real reason is hidden deep self-punishment and veiled. In this case, the "tangle" is better to unravel with the psychologist.

Author: Elizabeth Zubov