Smoking is harmful Bashny.Net

The story happened to me yesterday. I worked at home at the computer up to 3 o'clock in the morning, tired, a prototype of the application and did not work as it should. I decided to have a cigarette before going to bed.

It is important to say that my wife is totally against smoking, so if I do it, the maximum conspire.
His wife and child were sleeping for a long time and I quietly slipped out to the porch, down to the first floor and took out a pack of cigarettes nychki with a cigarette lighter. The dog has decided not to take with them (as is commonly done in the case of "where have you been?" "Oh, here, if you please, was walking the dog - he asked to use the toilet»).
He took the cigarette and lighter came out of the house and lit the corner.

"As I'm sick of it: smoking, encrypted ... I'm almost 30 years old, and I can not bring myself to throw. All! Tomorrow is the last day before retiring the last smoker in my department there will be none, and I do, too, will not go to smoke. Solved! »

Finished smoking, crushed pack, threw a lighter and went home.
Near the door to the staircase, I realized that did not bring the keys to the intercom.

That's povorooooot !!!

I looked pleadingly at the windows of our entrance - suddenly someone still awake, as it was last time, and leavens loudly in the kitchen.
"Fuck you!" - Said an inner voice, when I saw that at 3 o'clock on a rainy Thursday November is not lit, no window in the whole house. As if could it be otherwise.

So, what are the options? I podёrgal door podёrgal more, hoping to repeat the record of a former classmate heavyweight, who opened the debate on these doors by hand. The door is slightly bent back from the bottom, but the magnet does not come unstuck.
"But where I am? We had to go to the gym instead of smoking-encrypted on the back streets! Asshole! What keys forgot - twice asshole! »

The clock is ticking, dripping rain, and the door would not budge. At the entrance no one went out of the house too. Another would be: November, cold, 3 o'clock in the morning, rain! All homes under a blanket 7th dream looking one I've been at the door, like an idiot. And, in fact, share!

"Call in your apartment? Wake the baby? And I tell my wife? Where I left at half past three nights, and why I smell cigarettes? What other options? »

By a fluke in his coat pocket were the keys to the car. I looked at her swallow: it was parked at 3 meters from the entrance, right under the windows of the first floor (in a special cubbyhole for unloading all kinds of gazelles with air conditioning - is that you do not think that I am one of those uporotyh that directly into the entrance of the car put ).

"Sleeping in the car until the morning, until someone will come? And if the wife woke up at night, and my apartment is not? In this case, the cigarette will tell you about the salvation - still think that I am the night somewhere on the women wandered. No sleeping in the car is not an option »

In the trunk of tools !!! Fold the door, insert the key, and more, as a lever, to back under the magnet. Physics of our all!

And then I waited for the second bummer: it was on this very day, this very hour in the village fob battery! Keychain old, two-way, 3 weeks eats battery, but right now !!! Another night the car locked, everything was ok!

"Your mother Well !!! Coincidence? The sign over !!! How can this happen in one night ?! How? »

In the glove compartment of a spare, but if I open the door with the key - the alarm is triggered, and while I picked a remote control, the car will fly a bottle or something else. It is directly under the windows. The fourth floor of the night!

"We have to go for the battery to the store. No purse! I know, I leave something, such as the right »

I got to the convenience store, but I had no luck again: no batteries. Concha, b ** qb! Wow? Ran!
Then another 20 minutes, I went around all the tents, but batteries, no one was.

I found a taxi. And then I was lucky - one of them had a spare battery. I had a long time to explain the situation to him, and why do I need a battery, so that he gave it to me for free. People in our city kind and helpful, I spoke about the situation with his wife and 10 minutes later I was in my car, took a box of tools and went to the door entrance.

Here I was lucky a second time: rukozhop who put the door, ignored the rules, which on the outer side of it should be just around the cap screws. From the outside adorned 2 nuts on the screws that attach the magnet to the door. Ratchet, head 8, a head 10, 30 seconds and I was inside. Nuts pocketed, the machine closed. Rose home (apartment door, I did not close), and went softly.

"Fuf! Carried »

I took off my coat, and something heavy in his pocket sweatshirts caught my attention.
It was the fucking keys! Keys! On the tablet of fucking intercom! Because I-asshole for an hour from three to four in the morning running around in the rain, yanked the door, begging battery and pretended to be taxi drivers and night-installer! Because these keys here that all the time when I had!

"No, it's not because of the key ... It is because of the cigarette!" - Suggested an inner voice.

P.S.
In the morning I went out with the dog. He is pretending to be noticed that the access door on the screw nut is not enough and complained grandmothers.
"That huliganё! Brodyut at night, rolled nuts! The police do not have them! Parasites! »
"Do not be angry, the women of Val! My house is full of nuts. Who will pick up! »
I started the dog came home and have nuts. I triumphantly beautiful red ratchet nut screwed into place. Those grandmothers shone with happiness! Like the time when I left demonstratively bag of garbage on the hood of asshole who blocked the container.
I no longer smoke.

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