Why other people’s words hurt and how to stop taking them to heart

"You're too sensitive." Why Other People's Words Become Weapons

When a colleague called your idea "immature," and a relative slyly remarked, "At your age, they're already starting a family," it was like turning on a hot stove inside. Why does the brain turn words into physical pain? Psychologist Mark Sandomiersky In an interview with Scientific American, he explains that reaction to criticism is an evolutionary survival mechanism in society. But today, that instinct is destroying us. How to reprogram ancient algorithms?

Why words burn like fire: The neuroscience of resentment
A University of Michigan study (2021) found that social pain activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain. When you're told, "You're a loser," the anterior cingulate cortex sends a signal identical to a burn.

Vulnerability Triggers: What Makes You a Target

• ✓ A hypertrophied sense of duty ("I owe everything")
• ✓ Perfectionism as a Protection Against Child Injuries
• “Cinderella syndrome” – waiting for external approval

Antidote for Verbal Poisons: 5 Emergency Techniques
1. Imagine that the offender speaks from under the water. The distorted voice and bubbles neutralize the emotional charge of the phrase. The technique is based on CBT principles.

2. 10/10/10 Rule: Will it matter in 10 days? 10 months? 10 years? Perspective diminishes the significance of the comment.


Case: How Anastasia stopped being afraid of judgment
After the phrase of the mother-in-law: “You are selfish, you do not give birth to a second”, the client could not sleep for a week. Working with a psychologist revealed a hidden fear: "If I don't please, I'll be abandoned." Solution: daily affirmation: “My value is independent of others’ expectations.”



Glossary
Psychosomatics
The influence of psychological factors on the occurrence of bodily diseases
Assertiveness
Ability to openly express feelings without aggression or passivity



© 2025 Bashny.net | Supported by the Association for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy