317
And so they go on the subway, he sits, she stands
Tell you a terrible secret! Women love men who don't take public transport, and men like smiling women who are happy to allow you to take care of them.
Want to see our society in reality? Ride the subway at rush hour. Although I have a long time no such need, the research part is really kicking my ass and back periodically — "face life." I watched with interest the behavior of men and women, trying to understand how changing or not changing our society.
For anybody not a secret that in our transport seats is predominantly male. Women do not have, or "proudly" standing over the "sleeping handsome", pretend that they don't need, even humiliating it is for them.
But then these same women are outraged, and even scolded those men for the inattention. And again ... do not sit down. Moreover, if, God forbid, some kind of handsome "Wake up" suddenly and will offer the lady a seat, she makes a facial expression full of resentment and misunderstanding that this would be his last attempt "to awaken in man".
No, I'm not going to blame women for all the ills of our society. Just once, as a woman, as a mother, as a professional, I want to understand what caused such a large number of such "men" and "women" in our transport, and therefore in society. I will say that a crowded subway is not all of society? I will say that there are still those who have their own transport moves or walks? If you look closely — the picture there the same, only "accuracy" less.
So, men sit on the subway, pretending to sleep, or, to focus not notice next to a child who breathes uncles and aunts, excuse me, below the waist, or an old grandmother, bent with a basket of strawberries in half, or a woman in heels with three bags of good and "handbag" weighing five pounds.
Why are they sitting? Why do they want to sit, hunched and hiding behind sunglasses and gadgets, and not to stand firmly and courageously shoulders, and helping her grandmother to shove the basket in a crowded car, and the woman politely with a smile, to help pass? Why? They were born this way? Obviously not.
They were born men. The first stage of psychosexual development, which was responsible for their sexual behavior took place in my mom's belly. And seven-eight years they had formed sexual consciousness, courage if you want. And thirteen adults had to help to form this man's attitudes, skills, sex role behavior of men and nature. The father or another important man, was supposed to be an example of gender roles, ideals of masculinity. Yes, it is a "model" and "ideal" because boys learn by copying adults, in contrast to the "right-brain" girls, who develop, listening to stories, thoughts and teachings. Now, if everything described above happened — "we have what we have".
Yes, he was born a man! Chromosomes are not fooled. Already between the second and third year of life the boy began to show aggression, it was natural for his age and his gender (he's the future defender). However, "polite and obedient" parents, to put it mildly, didn't like and they brought up the same parents, did everything possible so that their child was "brought up no worse than other children" so they can "be proud" son.
Parents constantly compared him with other children, even with my sister, which of course, was developing faster and differently. Compared, of course, is not in his favor, humiliating and intimidating.
He was praised for successes and not inspired to achieve, constantly repeating "do not get involved, but don't snap, don't talk what you know and who you are, I'm ashamed of you" and so of Course, mom and dad, with full confidence in their righteousness and what they do for my son only good, controlling his every move, was proud of the fact that they are "good parents" and what they "obedient child".
But they didn't know (because it is not taught in school and at University), so they have successfully stepped up in his son the internal force of self-destruction, mental self-destruct "death instinct". All the natural expectations of future men were locked in development, suppressed and repressed.
Such errors adults in the best case, lead to the disregard of the natural needs of the child, and at worst become a source of humiliation and abuse of the child.
It is only then twenty years later, when their son does not want to study, work, marry and forget them the road, they might think... And now it is very convenient — the child is quiet, polite, obedient. Not stopping, not asking, not seeking, not asking, not contradict... a Miracle, not a child!
And so "they go in the metro": "the tired man", who sits with closed eyes and a "strong woman", which stands proudly over him with the bags. And all seems to be well...
This man is chronically inert, without energy for life, passive, uncreative, humorless, but which, however, is able patiently to curry favor, to please his superiors, to at least gain recognition. And he will not yield to the woman. His passive aggression is eloquently reflected in his body and face. He tries to be relaxed but lowered his shoulders give out, the legs do not hold, and the head froze.
But, sit down is this woman, if she politely offered that "the man", at least out of guilt? No! She is "strong", she is "she can do anything"! This is her at two years old dad humiliated, saying she was dressed like a prostitute. It's her cut like a boy's, not to mess with the bows in the school. It's her mom "worked" for the whole family, forgetting to wash the head and shifting their responsibilities and negative emotions at her daughter. It is her adolescent was not allowed to meet with the guy she "loved" because he was "rude". This is her gold medal win at the Olympics. It's soon her promotion at work. She just made herself. Is she not received love, care in childhood, this is her deficiency of emotional communication...
No. She will not sit down. She doesn't even look at that "man". She is waiting for a "Prince" such as it is with achievements that will catch her up with these bags and fly her to a distant Kingdom where I will love her and take care of her.
But it is difficult to understand that the Prince is looking for another. Yes, the Prince is looking for smart, wise, Yes, Yes, beauty, but one that will first respect and love yourself and it will be peaceful and joyful. The Prince wants to marry "emotional conservative", vsekontroliruyuschaya, tense, "an independent" victim, which, depending on life situation, instantly to turn into a compulsive rescuer or aggressive attacker.
But worst of all, still comes the tragic moment when she sits down, in response to the suggestion of those men, regretting it, looking into his sad eyes. And that's all! The puzzle came together! Now these two victims parenting will be a long and selfless "love" each other. HE will always be her to idealize, devalue, wanting to find her "tender mother", trusting him, and which was not in his childhood, and SHE always will it "save" and humiliate because he will never be caring for her "father-protector", which she had not.
The worst thing about this situation is that this pair will be a long time to "perfect". Their value base installation will converge as a pair of boots.
He will constantly complain about life, but will be linked to a "bad" wife, at the same time expressing outrage and desire for revenge (aggression, deception, treachery, etc.). It will endure and speak to friends that "they are fine", taking it out on the children and consoling himself in work, volunteering, etc.
They will heal, cclaudia as two broken wood in these codependent relationships. They both will endure and be silent, because to understand their emotions and feelings and to talk about that they had not been taught.
In the end, their expectations, naturally, are not justified. Constant complaints and accusations will become unbearable. But too late: two kids, a mortgage, sick parents... How to live? And these "pairs" -polvagona, half of the society, and may be more...
No, it's not too late! Never too late finally grow up. To understand their role as men or as women. It's never too late to realize that childhood will not return, that the past cannot be changed, that life is beautiful today. Not too late. If you really want. You should find a specialist who will help to rebuild your childhood traumas, acknowledge and experience your anger, fears and resentment. Will not be easy. But is it easy? You have growing children. What will happen to them?
Remember the adage: "a Child can be beat, yet he lies across the bed"? Can not be beat, of course. But physical punishment before the age of two not have such disastrous consequences for the psyche of the child which it would have once formed the self-consciousness of the child. So, after the child said "I do" — your child becomes independent and "beat" will not help. You need to listen to it even more, and then more, and more... Another saying to remember: "Little kids – little bedki"? Yes, the older the child, the more attention he requires. Not control, and attention and support while his mind reaches maturity.
You need to be careful and patient, to reflect the wish of the child and to respect the little man. Two-year-old child is already able to foresee the consequences of his actions and knows that if he next time again say "I", that mother or father again humiliate him by force. And again will hurt. He knows that the best way to fulfill the desires of mom and dad and not to resist. Then he will love. Although his identity, his Ego is already formed and I want to resist.
There is no need to be superpsychologic to understand where this Ego has to go. And psychological mechanisms and protection, respectively, will do the job, displacing unrealized aggression, which will inhibit the body, mind, senses, body. Have your adult child will constantly ache legs will stiffen the back and neck. His torment colds, cough, gastritis, diarrhea and headaches, sexual dysfunction. Do you want it?
Your child, often unconsciously, will keep the memory of the way had broken its will and to remember that, despite this, he survived. This applies to boys and girls. A child will remain a subconscious desire to confront the defeats and approved and revenge: "I won't be mad, I will have my revenge later."
But revenge is not possible. The illusion of revenge disappears. And a man begins to self-destruct, or find joy in their own losses and rejects the idea of any attempt to change its position of the victim. He easily and quietly be unhappy without work, without homes, without families, because everything you regret, and some even help and no accountability for themselves or for another.
Since ancient times in Eastern cultures the upbringing of the boy, who has reached the age of two, engaged the man, not the mother. Problem mom from age one to give love support and love understanding. Next to child must be meaningful mentally healthy man and a mentally healthy woman is necessarily significant, only the socialization of the boy or girl will be balanced. Yes, it is difficult, almost impossible, because divorce is now in fashion, and how to create a happy family, how to save relationship, how to raise children, no one teaches. They have, for example, the subject of emotional literacy? No. Most importantly: "don't know Ohm's law — sit at home."
So have a picture and in transport, and in society: I sit with my eyes closed "men" active "self-destruct" and standing over them women with the same program that one psychologist called "antispid" (means "no it is not asleep"). No one perceives her as a woman. Because it focuses on accomplishments, not noticing their emotions and desires, because for success (at any cost) it was praised in childhood, they loved her for it and set an example brother. After all, so she gets love. And nobody sees as a man. Because he, subconsciously enjoying the position of the victim focused on revenge who humiliated and disgraced, or anyone who "similar" to his abusers.
And so we go... and Here we are...posted
© Maya Sychev
Also interesting: the Safe man— You need it?
How life changes when you stop waiting
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: meditation-portal.com/vot-tak-i-edut-oni-v-metro-on-sidit-ona-stoit-pokolenie-s-instinktom-smerti/
Want to see our society in reality? Ride the subway at rush hour. Although I have a long time no such need, the research part is really kicking my ass and back periodically — "face life." I watched with interest the behavior of men and women, trying to understand how changing or not changing our society.
For anybody not a secret that in our transport seats is predominantly male. Women do not have, or "proudly" standing over the "sleeping handsome", pretend that they don't need, even humiliating it is for them.
But then these same women are outraged, and even scolded those men for the inattention. And again ... do not sit down. Moreover, if, God forbid, some kind of handsome "Wake up" suddenly and will offer the lady a seat, she makes a facial expression full of resentment and misunderstanding that this would be his last attempt "to awaken in man".
No, I'm not going to blame women for all the ills of our society. Just once, as a woman, as a mother, as a professional, I want to understand what caused such a large number of such "men" and "women" in our transport, and therefore in society. I will say that a crowded subway is not all of society? I will say that there are still those who have their own transport moves or walks? If you look closely — the picture there the same, only "accuracy" less.
So, men sit on the subway, pretending to sleep, or, to focus not notice next to a child who breathes uncles and aunts, excuse me, below the waist, or an old grandmother, bent with a basket of strawberries in half, or a woman in heels with three bags of good and "handbag" weighing five pounds.
Why are they sitting? Why do they want to sit, hunched and hiding behind sunglasses and gadgets, and not to stand firmly and courageously shoulders, and helping her grandmother to shove the basket in a crowded car, and the woman politely with a smile, to help pass? Why? They were born this way? Obviously not.
They were born men. The first stage of psychosexual development, which was responsible for their sexual behavior took place in my mom's belly. And seven-eight years they had formed sexual consciousness, courage if you want. And thirteen adults had to help to form this man's attitudes, skills, sex role behavior of men and nature. The father or another important man, was supposed to be an example of gender roles, ideals of masculinity. Yes, it is a "model" and "ideal" because boys learn by copying adults, in contrast to the "right-brain" girls, who develop, listening to stories, thoughts and teachings. Now, if everything described above happened — "we have what we have".
Yes, he was born a man! Chromosomes are not fooled. Already between the second and third year of life the boy began to show aggression, it was natural for his age and his gender (he's the future defender). However, "polite and obedient" parents, to put it mildly, didn't like and they brought up the same parents, did everything possible so that their child was "brought up no worse than other children" so they can "be proud" son.
Parents constantly compared him with other children, even with my sister, which of course, was developing faster and differently. Compared, of course, is not in his favor, humiliating and intimidating.
He was praised for successes and not inspired to achieve, constantly repeating "do not get involved, but don't snap, don't talk what you know and who you are, I'm ashamed of you" and so of Course, mom and dad, with full confidence in their righteousness and what they do for my son only good, controlling his every move, was proud of the fact that they are "good parents" and what they "obedient child".
But they didn't know (because it is not taught in school and at University), so they have successfully stepped up in his son the internal force of self-destruction, mental self-destruct "death instinct". All the natural expectations of future men were locked in development, suppressed and repressed.
Such errors adults in the best case, lead to the disregard of the natural needs of the child, and at worst become a source of humiliation and abuse of the child.
It is only then twenty years later, when their son does not want to study, work, marry and forget them the road, they might think... And now it is very convenient — the child is quiet, polite, obedient. Not stopping, not asking, not seeking, not asking, not contradict... a Miracle, not a child!
And so "they go in the metro": "the tired man", who sits with closed eyes and a "strong woman", which stands proudly over him with the bags. And all seems to be well...
This man is chronically inert, without energy for life, passive, uncreative, humorless, but which, however, is able patiently to curry favor, to please his superiors, to at least gain recognition. And he will not yield to the woman. His passive aggression is eloquently reflected in his body and face. He tries to be relaxed but lowered his shoulders give out, the legs do not hold, and the head froze.
But, sit down is this woman, if she politely offered that "the man", at least out of guilt? No! She is "strong", she is "she can do anything"! This is her at two years old dad humiliated, saying she was dressed like a prostitute. It's her cut like a boy's, not to mess with the bows in the school. It's her mom "worked" for the whole family, forgetting to wash the head and shifting their responsibilities and negative emotions at her daughter. It is her adolescent was not allowed to meet with the guy she "loved" because he was "rude". This is her gold medal win at the Olympics. It's soon her promotion at work. She just made herself. Is she not received love, care in childhood, this is her deficiency of emotional communication...
No. She will not sit down. She doesn't even look at that "man". She is waiting for a "Prince" such as it is with achievements that will catch her up with these bags and fly her to a distant Kingdom where I will love her and take care of her.
But it is difficult to understand that the Prince is looking for another. Yes, the Prince is looking for smart, wise, Yes, Yes, beauty, but one that will first respect and love yourself and it will be peaceful and joyful. The Prince wants to marry "emotional conservative", vsekontroliruyuschaya, tense, "an independent" victim, which, depending on life situation, instantly to turn into a compulsive rescuer or aggressive attacker.
But worst of all, still comes the tragic moment when she sits down, in response to the suggestion of those men, regretting it, looking into his sad eyes. And that's all! The puzzle came together! Now these two victims parenting will be a long and selfless "love" each other. HE will always be her to idealize, devalue, wanting to find her "tender mother", trusting him, and which was not in his childhood, and SHE always will it "save" and humiliate because he will never be caring for her "father-protector", which she had not.
The worst thing about this situation is that this pair will be a long time to "perfect". Their value base installation will converge as a pair of boots.
He will constantly complain about life, but will be linked to a "bad" wife, at the same time expressing outrage and desire for revenge (aggression, deception, treachery, etc.). It will endure and speak to friends that "they are fine", taking it out on the children and consoling himself in work, volunteering, etc.
They will heal, cclaudia as two broken wood in these codependent relationships. They both will endure and be silent, because to understand their emotions and feelings and to talk about that they had not been taught.
In the end, their expectations, naturally, are not justified. Constant complaints and accusations will become unbearable. But too late: two kids, a mortgage, sick parents... How to live? And these "pairs" -polvagona, half of the society, and may be more...
No, it's not too late! Never too late finally grow up. To understand their role as men or as women. It's never too late to realize that childhood will not return, that the past cannot be changed, that life is beautiful today. Not too late. If you really want. You should find a specialist who will help to rebuild your childhood traumas, acknowledge and experience your anger, fears and resentment. Will not be easy. But is it easy? You have growing children. What will happen to them?
Remember the adage: "a Child can be beat, yet he lies across the bed"? Can not be beat, of course. But physical punishment before the age of two not have such disastrous consequences for the psyche of the child which it would have once formed the self-consciousness of the child. So, after the child said "I do" — your child becomes independent and "beat" will not help. You need to listen to it even more, and then more, and more... Another saying to remember: "Little kids – little bedki"? Yes, the older the child, the more attention he requires. Not control, and attention and support while his mind reaches maturity.
You need to be careful and patient, to reflect the wish of the child and to respect the little man. Two-year-old child is already able to foresee the consequences of his actions and knows that if he next time again say "I", that mother or father again humiliate him by force. And again will hurt. He knows that the best way to fulfill the desires of mom and dad and not to resist. Then he will love. Although his identity, his Ego is already formed and I want to resist.
There is no need to be superpsychologic to understand where this Ego has to go. And psychological mechanisms and protection, respectively, will do the job, displacing unrealized aggression, which will inhibit the body, mind, senses, body. Have your adult child will constantly ache legs will stiffen the back and neck. His torment colds, cough, gastritis, diarrhea and headaches, sexual dysfunction. Do you want it?
Your child, often unconsciously, will keep the memory of the way had broken its will and to remember that, despite this, he survived. This applies to boys and girls. A child will remain a subconscious desire to confront the defeats and approved and revenge: "I won't be mad, I will have my revenge later."
But revenge is not possible. The illusion of revenge disappears. And a man begins to self-destruct, or find joy in their own losses and rejects the idea of any attempt to change its position of the victim. He easily and quietly be unhappy without work, without homes, without families, because everything you regret, and some even help and no accountability for themselves or for another.
Since ancient times in Eastern cultures the upbringing of the boy, who has reached the age of two, engaged the man, not the mother. Problem mom from age one to give love support and love understanding. Next to child must be meaningful mentally healthy man and a mentally healthy woman is necessarily significant, only the socialization of the boy or girl will be balanced. Yes, it is difficult, almost impossible, because divorce is now in fashion, and how to create a happy family, how to save relationship, how to raise children, no one teaches. They have, for example, the subject of emotional literacy? No. Most importantly: "don't know Ohm's law — sit at home."
So have a picture and in transport, and in society: I sit with my eyes closed "men" active "self-destruct" and standing over them women with the same program that one psychologist called "antispid" (means "no it is not asleep"). No one perceives her as a woman. Because it focuses on accomplishments, not noticing their emotions and desires, because for success (at any cost) it was praised in childhood, they loved her for it and set an example brother. After all, so she gets love. And nobody sees as a man. Because he, subconsciously enjoying the position of the victim focused on revenge who humiliated and disgraced, or anyone who "similar" to his abusers.
And so we go... and Here we are...posted
© Maya Sychev
Also interesting: the Safe man— You need it?
How life changes when you stop waiting
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: meditation-portal.com/vot-tak-i-edut-oni-v-metro-on-sidit-ona-stoit-pokolenie-s-instinktom-smerti/
