Relay dislike: from Mama to Daughter

She says: "I am always at work. I do not remember the holiday. This business, it does not end in sight.

N. again left me to LA I understand, it is more appropriate for him, she was an athlete, it is free. They have a lot of common interests, and in general it is nicer.

The last time he hugged me, I inhaled his scent, and felt that he was a very dear person to me, but for seven years here, so I know we will never be anything. I do not have time to give birth. I'm tired of waiting. »

She says: "My mother always comparing me. She said that I was a bad daughter. Good daughter is, firstly, - A student, secondly - athlete, third - with a good posture. And always it was Olga of the third house. Basketball player, an excellent student, with good posture. With big eyes on the horse's face. I hated it. I tried to go as she and goggle eyes and lips, as she is, but I have not really worked. I would like to have everything in life Oli was not so very bad. Mom sees it and fall in love, finally, me, not her. "




She says: "My mother did not like my grandmother. Grandma threw a grandfather, it was hard. She worked a lot, drank and Tapping my mother. She said to her: "More weep less pee." And again: "There is nothing to walk, slut. Go Scratch on the corner. " I understand why my mother was. Why is it so. After all, I did not like her grandmother. »

She says: "My grandmother grew up in war. Nothing was all rationed. Pancakes of potato peelings. Her dad pulls out from the wall outlet cord and beat her to plug her grandmother fell on the head. My mother (my grandmother), it is not protected. Then he went off to some woman with his factory, then I do not know anything. It is clear that the grandmother did not know how to love their children .... »

She says: "If I have a daughter, how I love her? I do not know. I need to learn how to love their children in advance, before she was born. »



She looks out the window, then at me - eyes Scarlett Johansson. (It is generally very similar to it). Some thought suddenly changes her mind, she slowly, as if in slow motion, turns to me and says, "Maybe you need to forgive her mother? And then everything will be different?. »

***

They always start at the wrong end. They always want something else to do with them. First - go, like Olga, to mom noticed and loved. Then be like LA, so more like N. Then advance to learn to love the daughter of a non-existent. Then - forgive my mother. But one thing missing is always the same: who will love you itself? And you see, if you are for myself invisible?

Author: Pauline Gaverdovsky