Salekhard Bashny.Net

I found on the Internet at one abandoned site of the life in the city of Salekhard. According to the story, he wrote a married man with a child, moved there for permanent residence from Moscow (most likely). Unfortunately, no information about it is not, so just pour copy-paste, as author permits (Again, according to the text).

DANGER! A lot of letters, but it's worth it!

P.S. Nothing personal, post "as is" with little editing.






So there you go:

1. Without songs, without holidays
Of course, we have a Mayday. And the New Year is celebrated. And 23 of February, and March 8, and Bacchus knows how all holidays. We cursed the NATO-Americans solemn days in the life of a lot less. But if you compare how we celebrate, and how - they certainly do not know, at home, and in Moscow children Columbus satisfied a real carnival with guest stars, renting nightclubs and suburban resorts, firework. Yes, in the golden-domed, perhaps, anyone can afford to spend every month evening in a nice restaurant or densinge. In Salekhard weekends and holidays devoted to the following: 1. General cleaning of the apartment. 2. Obschesemeyny trek to the market for shopping. 3. Look everybody television series and commercials. 4. Repair clogged faucet in the kitchen. 5. Optional hike to the market for the parts necessary to repair the crane. 6. Drinking a bottle of vodka with a neighbor who came to help repair. 7. vain search for convenience store until the morning.



2. DEAR PEOPLE
Probably no one alive today can not remember why these people are called respectable. Yes, in my experience, very few people given the matter. They just are. Some narrow caste of untouchables. They are invited to all city holidays for gifts. They hand to greet the officials of any rank. Their pictures are full of magazines and newspapers, published in the capital of Yamal. They are called the old-timers, the honorable citizens, the honored worker of Their biographies are not registered in any deeds, discoveries, achievements. Amazing people! While in fact in official biographies do not write, someone who poured at banquets, as someone who in the bathhouse broom looks even more strange is that this glubokouvazhaemost inherited. Just a cult of personality of some sort! Or maybe it's some kind of caste Brahmins-priests having deepest secrets, accessible only to the initiated? Apparently, in this regard will have to work even journalists-Investigator.





3. LIFE OR LIFE THAT IS THE QUESTION!
A distinctive feature of salehardtsev ability to ask stupid questions (among the first in the sure employees of departments of letters to the media). But this habit is not caused by the fact that the parents paid little attention to them in childhood. I have seen how in other cities were surprised receptionist, when they heard the question Do you have hot water? Residents of the capital of the Yamal hopelessly spoiled His Majesty Life. Deprived of adequate heating, uninterrupted supply of water, gas in the kitchen of the elementary, stable lighting, sewage and sometimes, people have declared war on living conditions. Surround heavily stocked gas cylinders, have installed huge titans bought heaters and raskurochivali current, so they Mota numbers in the other direction. Meanwhile, advanced crushing commandos equipped intercom and other electronics entrances first Turkish houses Is not the story for the next series of Star Wars George Lucas? Once upon a time, in a very distant galaxy



4. without the bazaar
How many of you have not tried at least once to find on the local market is a button that you need for your costume? And what were the results? Of course, bypassing all the rows in useless search, you came home and started calling all his friends, trying to find out, does not fly anyone in the near future to Tyumen. Every third departing from the Salekhard airport passenger carries with him a lot of bags of bills and notes embedded in them, pleading to buy this or that little thing. In winter, all transactions in the market is very fast. Only very long frostbitten will inquire the price, and try to bargain. A person with normal reflexes and body temperature buys all without looking. Of course, then at home women's tears run down due to frostbitten nose, and the wrong size or style, to change the product because it is not so simple: go and find exactly the same among traders is the fact that you sold the hamster. Enterprising Caucasians are well aware of, and therefore driven in Salekhard for sale all bullshit, which is already half a year lay unclaimed at some Moscow counter.



5. Provincial FICTION
Who said that mankind is living in the information age? Anywhere but not here. If what we see, hear and read, call the local media, it is necessary to revise fundamentally everything that until now has been written about journalism is being taught in the universities, and to find some other name for NTV, Playboy and Radio Maximum. Because it's something different, fundamentally different. Of course, I realize that it is difficult to find news where they are not. But even from a finger sucking can be a professional. I'll be very surprised if what I write will appear in the pages of a local edition. Already, at least buy a local newspaper and look at the hateful faces on television screens for hours carrying nonsense, no desire. It is better to take last year's booth number Ptyuch



6. The Silence of the Lambs
It is believed that corruption is very bad. It is believed that to live by the laws, and the laws must be equal for all. It is believed that housing should be available on a queue, and birthdays to celebrate at their own expense. It is believed that the police should be to protect its citizens and fight fire with fire. It is believed that members should defend the interests of their constituents and voters go to the polls. The whole country lives not. Each region has the same vices. In any city the common man does not find justice. I hate that people everywhere as they can show their displeasure. Salekhard inner peace a model city. Little Switzerland in the Far North. Only in Switzerland, there are no poor people. And we have?! Yes, as you can stop! What are you, a citizen of the chief, I do not resent. Remove, please, handcuffs



7. And so will do!
Do not be mistaken if we call it a credo locals. The best comment curves fences of the houses, nedometennye porches nedoubranny snow, a mass of bugs in the running line, nezarytye holes in the streets and the posters on cultural centers, more like children's applications. And so come



8. Go out on the street, you will look on the village
People can be seen on the streets of St. Petersburg evening, Yalta, Paris or Chicago? Strolling tourists anxious sellers of souvenirs and ice cream, punks and hippies, street musicians, gangsters, prostitutes, the enforcers. In general, it is quite civilized citizens. Another thing Salekhard. Tourists here Nothing will tempt hawkers are missing due to the lack of tourists, informal flow does not reach the local teenagers, and those thugs some minor, according to the criminal chronicle. And if suddenly very, very, very impatient to find a prostitute fig and butter. And what if you can gift for a barn? The effect of rural idyll complement the horse, sometimes grazing near the center of national cultures and absolutely no Aborigines male copes small need a billboard that promote driving reindeer.





9. LANGUAGES OF THE NORTH
No, it is not about language Khanty or Nenets. With this thing all right. I'm on the other. I understood why Viktor ran for the State Duma from our district. He knew that there would be the most eloquent. What kind of a dialect, built on some interjections, words, parasites and swearing? And it is strange, because all understand each other .. And I find it hard to understand a man with such a vocabulary. Sometimes I catch the meaning of what gestures or facial expressions, but to talk on the phone just flour.



11. HOW DO YOU call a boat
Names and rename bring in a bit of a boring life Salekhard veseluhi. He lives on the Jubilee and she Podshibyakina - Hello! This is the Arctic Circle? You can book a double room? And you with the TV or with the provisions of the mayor? Arctic North, Yamal - is all that is lacking imagination. These original name given to all of the shops to public associations.



12. Nuggets
They write books, write poems, paint pictures, sing and dance. They agree to do all this even without fees. They consider themselves terribly talented. This so-called rock group does not reach the level kabachnyh labuhov this ridiculous ride up legs plump girl for a long time have stepped 30-year milestone, but still call themselves an ensemble of contemporary dance, it is wrapped in a loop fume poets and writers who read only relatives is hoarse and singers, singing other people's songs under the plywood. It is a local bohemians! Hailing from the tundra. Therefore dwarf. But the roots of the long





13. SHAME TO FRIENDS
For those who have never been in Salekhard, it can be tempting. Tales of the White Nights, Northern Lights, lakes with clear water, a whitefish and white salmon, about the big salaries and rapid career excite the minds of gullible foreigners. Some go for a visit. Then hurry to leave, swallowed exotics. When we go abroad, or in Moscow, I tried to talk about Salekhard unvarnished. Probably better to be naked in public transport during rush hour.



14. NORTH ROMANCE
As a child I was reading Jack London's stories of the courageous Conquerors North. I dreamed of going to the North Pole or Antarctica. I loved to watch movies about polar explorers, but the zoo did not leave the cage with polar bears. All of this is my son hates to death. North romance and smell of the taiga, he is fed up. But on vacation, he enthusiastically watching the sparrows and pigeons come in awe to see the usual cabbage butterfly, and is afraid of frogs and snails. Recently, I bought him a huge encyclopedia of nature. Let him look at the pictures.



15. ROUND TUNDRA!
In our daily life stress occurs not less than that of the heroes of the American fighters and horror. What usually makes a sharp police, athletes and courageous journalists, when they want a break from the daily exploits? That's right, get in the car and go for a weekend in the neighboring state, to Las Vegas, or on the coast. No matter where, just a change of scenery. Salekhard akin trolley cars go only in the city. It is impossible to leave the village. Because we live separated from the world in a constant state of stress.





16. unobtrusive service
Visitors are shamelessly deceiving Yamal Airlines. On its flights feels great, service can only admire. This is the last bastion of civilization on the way to the capital of Yamal. Already at the airport begins zinger not buy a newspaper, nausea pill will not find, a snack bar is open until lunch. The bus thick aunt, passengers stepping on his feet, nasty voice yells: pay for travel! Who has not obilechen? In the store, as before, the bones in the appendage to the meat. And come on-call ambulance in a case nothing but the harness and free advice.



17. ROAD
Our city is losing a lot of money without arranging annual competitions in motocross racing or survival. So we would still have won championships. Our aces drivers so skillfully go around all the obstacles that fly over speed bumps, which are in the city of more than standing police (arrival Large Live guests do not count), such curry turns on ice, the winners Paris Dakar wept would envy.



18. SHOPS
In Salekhard grocery stores have it all. In addition, you can eat. Once a year feed on sticky dumplings and blue legs, forget what, in general, there are products in nature. My wife almost forgotten how to cook every day the same menu. And in the next store to my house, I, thank God, met a saleswoman. Every time she tells me in detail on how a product has expired, and which, generally, is prohibited for sale. And with a sigh he breaks a check for two kilos of meat dumplings.



19. Blato
With the emergence of market relations and the legalization of private business in the country disappeared from use such a thing. But not in this life. In Salekhard pull left. Well, of course, when officials are unwritten privileges, but when taking a job through connections! .. Directors, the head of the drum and the heads of the professional qualities of the worker just called someone, put in a word, they say, people of good Most amazing that even blat in private firms are not uncommon. Like, not slackers, and could live in the cursed island has no calendar



20. The authorities or relish?
You can imagine that the Argentine president himself drives a company car? And when he goes to work, the roads do not overlap? And it includes the protection of his own money? I would not have believed it if I had not read in a reputable journal. We represent some managers even rank much lower quite different. They do not live with us. They somewhere above. On the second floor of the town, I guess. They have their own lives, we have our own. We listen to their regret about the lack of funds for the construction of housing and do not pay attention to the construction of some mysterious buildings. And other little things, even about their salaries stopped asking! We were not really hurt, okay. If only up there, no patter, like elephants.



21. expatriate and local
Constantly in the air unkind words come in large numbers. It applies it to shift workers, Ukrainians, and officials from other cities, and to refugees and foreigners. Most likely, this spell are expressed in all the negative emotions, accumulated salehardtsami 400 years of settled life. Expel all back! in common panacea for all ills.



22. incompetent
What do you think, on which of the two ads in the newspaper respond salehardtsy:

A) requires the loader;

B) on a competitive basis shall be hired sales managers office equipment and office equipment with experience in the specialty for at least 5 years. Age from 25 to 35 years, without children, and housing. Knowledge of English, office management and computer skills required.

Surely, you are mistaken. Typical salehardets respond to both the ad. For him, by and large, do not care where to work and what to do. The main question of salary. And no matter what he or manager, or has not worked as a loader. Perhaps, it will be able to settle down. All the same a month later kicked booze, absenteeism, inadequate skills have to go to an accountant or stockbreeders



23. ALL OUR
The Soviet past is still a long time to erode the streets of Salekhard. And out of people's heads, too. Until now it seems that everything around common ours. And, as they say, every cook like this in our newspaper wrote about us bad ?! sincerely indignant worker utilities. Honored. And respect. Why are entrepreneurs of our money so well live? angry pensioner in line.

In response, I want to ask: Why is your window near the mountain of rubbish lie? Where we want our garbage out there and throw out!



24. Word of mouth
The city lives a large family. Someone with someone went, someone was someone's neighbor, and another neighbor had once worked with someone's classmate. And his sister recently got married to their brother conceal the GP in these conditions, nothing is impossible. News spread immediately ahead of the Internet. While in the city, forget about privacy and begin to understand the movie stars who complain of popularity.



25. Trade
I must say that ads in Salekhard do not know how, do not know how to order, but she did not need anyone. Why advertise store, if there is one for the whole region? Why praise Nescafe, though most will still be cheaper to buy sour? And how can you make a good advertising if the banker in an interview acknowledged that in 10 years has never not engaged in advertising? Some of the new Russian wave away: Here's the money, but no advertising is not necessary, okay?



26. INCOME BEFORE WE ALWAYS LATE
Sometimes one gets the feeling that salehardtsy do not watch TV or listen to the radio. Come visit, and welcome you home in a hurry to entertain a brand new film the year before. Europa Plus for six months spins some lyrics, then removes it from the air, and a month later he became terribly popular here.



27. TRADITIONS
Every day the city is similar to the previous one.