Correspondence about the hotel soap Bashny.Net

Correspondence, which is shown below, took place in a London hotel between the administration and one of the customers. In the end, the management has decided to publish this masterpiece in the London Sunday Times:

Dear Maid, I ask you to no longer supply me with hotel soap, since I brought my own family-Palmolive. Could you remove the six pieces of soap with shelves and three pieces of soap dish? They clutter up the space. Thank you. S. Berman

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 Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. It will appear tomorrow on Thursday after output. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the soap dish as you requested. I also took 6 pieces with shelves, so they do not interfere with you there, and put them in a box of handkerchiefs (in case you suddenly change your mind). That leaves only three bars of soap that I brought today, as I am obliged to follow the instructions of the hotel and bring three bars of soap a day in the room. I hope that it will come to you. Kathy replacement maid

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 Dear Maid, I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note about the soap. When he returned last night, I saw that you put three small pieces of Camay on my bookcase. I spend in this hotel 2 weeks and therefore brought with him his own family-Palmolive. Therefore, I do not need 6 pieces Camay, are on the shelf. This soap clutter all the space when I shave or brush my teeth. Could you take this soap? S. Berman.

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 Dear Mr. Berman, on Wednesday I had a day off, so the replacement maid put me 3 pieces of soap, gave her the following instructions. I put disturbing you 6 pieces of soap in the soap dish where your lying Palmolive. Your Palmolive I suffered in the medicine cabinet. I took the 3 hotel soaps which we put in the medicine cabinet at each arrival of a new customer, and which you have not told us anything, when you came last Monday. Enjoy Your regular maid, Dotty.

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 Dear Mr. Berman, Deputy Director, Mr. Kensedder, told me this morning that you called last night and complained to your maid. I apologize to you and to inform you that I have provided you with a new maid. If you have any new complaints, contact me directly so that I personally was able to solve all your problems. please call 1108 from 8 am to 5 pm. Thank you. Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper.

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 Dear Madame Carmen, I can not call you, since I leave the hotel at 7:45 am to get to work and back no earlier than 17.30 or 18.00. That is why I called Mr. Kensedderu last night. All I ask is that he did something about this soap. The new maid probably thought I had just arrived, so she left the 3 new bars of soap in my medicine cabinet, in addition to the normal portions of 3 pieces on the shelf. For five days I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why do I have to endure all this? S. Berman.

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 Dear Mr. Berman, Your maid, Kathy, was ordered to no longer bring you soap, as well as pick up too much. I remain at your service (phone 1108 between 8 am and 5 pm). Thank you. Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper.

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 Dear Mr. Kensedder, my family Palmolive disappeared. All the soap was taken away, including my own. I came back last night very late, and had to call the employee, so he brought me a piece of 4 Dove. S. Berman.

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 Dear Mr. Berman, I have informed the governess, Elaine Carmen, about your problems with soap and water. I do not understand why in your room there was no soap, but our maids are available to generate 3 bars of soap each day during the harvest. Your problem will be solved immediately. Please accept my apologies. Martin L. Kensedder, Deputy Director.

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 Dear Mrs. Carmen, Who put fucking 54 bars of soap in my room? I found 54 bars of soap, returned last night. I do not want 54 pieces Camay, I want my fucking Palmolive. Do you imagine that I have now is 54 bars of soap? All I want is my own soap. Give me back my soap. S. Berman.

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 Dear Mr. Berman, You complain of excess soap - I took them. After this, you complain to Mr. Kesedderu that all your soap was gone, though I personally put it in your room: 24 pieces Camay, which were removed, as well as 3 pieces, you should receive a daily basis. Your maid, Kathy, did not know that I returned to the place, and she brought another 24 Camay, as well as 3 daily piece. I do not know where you got that the hotel offers family-Palmolive. I managed to find a piece of family Monsavon, which I left in your room. Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper.
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Dear Mrs. Carmen, Just a little note that you were aware of my latest soap inventory of my warehouse. Today I possess: On the shelf pharmacy drawer: 18 Samay four stacks of 4 pieces and a stack of two pieces. The box with handkerchiefs: 11 Camay in two stacks of four pieces and a stack of three pieces. On the bedside table in the room: a stack of 3 Dove, a stack of 4 Monsavon, and 8 Camay in two stacks of 4 pieces. The medicine cabinet: 14 Camay in three stacks of four and one stack of two pieces. The soap dish: 6 Camay, very wet. In the northeast corner of the shell: 1 Dove, half-used. In the north-west - 6 Camay in two stacks of three pieces. You could not ask Cathy to make sure that a handful of well formed and well-dusted?
Let her also know that a handful of which contain more than 4 pieces tend to fall apart? Can I also advise that as my window sill is not yet used, it can be a great warehouse for future earnings. And one more thing: I bought another family Palmolive, which I keep in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings. S. Berman.