Auto-topic Bashny.Net

CPU (Central Processing Unit): The key to the start. All the attention! Apply voltage.
 Akuma (Battery): Xp-rr ...
 ACF (reference system): Akuma Russia's development - on the team does not respond, or give power or not. It is recommended to watch sensors. And consulted with the generator.
 Generator: Not steeper.
 ACF: So-oo, the generator is also Russian. Or steep, or not.
 CPU: Give Voltage !!!
 ACF: Do not yell. You have no autonomous power supply. You are connected to the general. Just a thought, it means dressing up there!
 CPU: Live and learn.
 ACF: Blah, I took. Memory not. It should be disconnected from the Akuma - zero. Horror ...
 CP: On-Board System. Reported on the readiness!
 (general hum): Ready, ready, ready ...
 ACF: So what? They cut off the possibility of a pre-operation inspection.
 CPU: ???
 ACF: Well, you're stupid. There is not in Japan. Approvals! And fluctuations in the monitored parameters. Doors are such that no impact will not close - the liquid come in excitement sensors rolls. And if we passenger sit - all of five minutes have to wait until vibration stops.
 CP: And then I fuck.
 ACF: Do not think - let's command to the starter. And now start hitting on the brain.
 CPU: not understood ... (beat) ... yawl. (beat) Thanks! (punch)
 ACF: Russian mentality - it is necessary to bang his fist. Quick to do anything. Another couple of minutes - start popping the trunk, hood, door, jerking steering ...
 CPU: The starter at the start.
 Starter: Fr-r-rr.
 ACF: CPU imoba light bulb went out, and blinked her owner to disable.
 Imob yes-no-yes-no
 CPU: Can I disable imob ???
 Fak: During blunt. Imob itself does not make a damn. It only indicates to you - switched off or not. And only you decide - the plant or not.
 Imob yes-no-yes-no-yes-yes-yes. All. Extinguished.
 CPU: Gasoline pump - come on stream.
 BN: Gasoline urine, the amount of 0.5 liters. NC is not recommended to use, but this substance is easier to pour.
 CP: Do not argue. The jet.
 BN: I understand. Shit flowed through the pipes.
 ACF: BN had to put the Russian - Japanese refused to work. Consider, too, the Russian aid. Savings and lobbying. And not only that - therefore, do not trust them, often Migai indicator lights, then the master control of visual parameters. And that end badly.
 CPU: Spark ...
ACF: Lucky - wound. From the first time - is rare, but it happens. And you're not so stupid and bad. Two of your predecessor in the workshop were.
 CPU: Clutch - go!
 Cy .: I lie! But mind you, not for long! Otherwise, burst with springs.
 CP: What ???
 ACF: Do not argue. Think of how it is. Russian mentality. Say thank you, that work. Get used to it.
 CPU: automatic transmission - the first transfer!
 Automatic: Yes, Ini-! Xp-rr ... Not stuck!
 CPU: Repeat !!!
 Automatic: Yes, Ini-! Xp-rr ... Not stuck!
 ACF: Yes mechanics old, proven through a couple of three thousand kilometers pritretsya!
 CP: What?
 ACF: Try to stick back and sharp front.
 CPU: Rear !!!
 Parktronic: A-ah! Behind 50 cm from the obstacle.
 ACF: Well, what idiot here Parktronic prisobachil. This is not a ride, but ... Come on second!
 CPU: The second !!!
 Automatic: There Vtoronah! Turns XXX speed of 0 km / h, bummer !!! I remain in first, garbage! Not stuck !!! Repetitions ...
 CPU: Automatic !!!
 ACF: Do not bother. And no worries, it is useless. I fixated. Do you hear - the vibration went. Now the speed sensor to come off the ground and go.
 CPU: Steering.
 Steering wheel: Fuck you. Well, I tried to subdue you. So what? Do not move. Pit Yes potholes. Forget about me. I avtonomke.
 ACF: You try to let Parktronic neytrolizovat. And now enter into resonance.
 Parktronic: A-AA. To the left ... to the right ... yn-C ...
 CPU: Thank goodness contact jumped.
 ACF: In-in, lucky. And so the autonomous steering allowed.
 BN: Petrol - ends ... another five kilometers and all.
 Candles: An-Chi. Himself this drink urine, and we have dirtied Iskra.
 Injector: Hey, CPU, or configure this gasoline, or give me control.
 CP: And who is this?
 ACF: Local authority. Before you were in charge. Bear in mind - give the finger to the elbow bite.
 Ing: Well?
 CPU: Fuck you!
 Ing .: Well, you yourself wanted it.
 BN: Well run down ...
 CP: Who opened the valve ???
 Ing .: (sarcastically) I, what?
 ACF: Paragraph ...
 Radiator: Yes, I kiplyu !!! Where Carlson?
 Carlson: Off!
 CPU: Calson!
 Ing .: Sensor Faults Engine! Went !!!
 DND: Yes !!!
 CPU: DND enabled! (terrified) all stand !!!
 (All) Stand !!!
 CZ: Conjuring !!! All tightly !!!
 Windows: Well what for so sharply? You can not, so now only a substitute.
 Brakes: Yes !!! Ba-boom!
 Airbag: Oh, what's that? Well so the CPU ordered !!!
 Akuma: I'm at such loads is not intended.
 Generator: Understood, give the country of coal !!!
 BN: Gene, what I can for the good of the motherland.
 Candles: Once went to a booze ...
 Eng: Yes, it's some kind of holiday !!!
 Sensors: And what, let's color music !!!
 Horn: Karaoke? Jess !!!

ACF: All right. I am a pathologist. CPU crazy. The Russian mafia has remained unchallenged reign in the automobile industry, displacing overseas specialists. The mentality? Local conditions? In the words of a classic, Russia has two misfortunes - fools and roads.
 © LgSoft