The concept of peace Bashny.Net

Development occurs from the point of rest. Is not mainly a result of our activities, and occurs spontaneously under favorable conditions. Why is it so important?

The article gave me a hard time, I have long worked able to present a "grown" alienated from the life of the material. But it was very necessary to make it clear why we are so important to help our children find the psycho-emotional peace, what to do and what processes to welcome in their development. I hope I'm not too confusing, at least I tried to be clear.



 

In developmental psychology there is one very important and seemingly paradoxical concept — the concept of peace. It sounds like this: development occurs from the point of rest. Is not (mainly) a result of our activities, and occurs spontaneously under favorable conditions.

In our time, when the supremacy of the motto "if you want to achieve something — achieve" to trust the fact that many things depend on us that everything will come in due time — no easy task. We've learned that to achieve something, we need to work on this. We work on ourselves, we set and achieve goals, deliver results, implementing plans, strive to the top. All vocabulary related to personal growth impregnated with verbs implying work.

Advice on parenting — the same thing. "How to develop gifted children", "After three late", "Early development of your baby", "Reading from the cradle", "How to raise a smart and happy child" — search for "early childhood development" gives 352 titles.
 

Parents are under severe pressure:

 

• state institutions (must find time to teach the child to use the potty, to take to kindergarten, time is needed to teach him to read and count so he could get into a decent school. "Now, that's a lot of competition to get into kindergarten, to get to the right kindergarten-children are interviewed. Imagine a child sitting in front of a Commission, which you know, with their resumes, flipping through and saying, "what, is that all?" "You've been around for 36 months, and that's all you did?" "Spent the first six months of breastfeeding, I understand. You've achieved nothing, shoot!". But a child of three is not half of six is three." — Ken Robinson);

 

• social ("What, your not even hold a spoon?! not goes?! does not read?", "And we go to the chess-music-dancing, are you?");

 

• and his own feelings of inferiority ("We are too few of them do, the child will grow up stupid and never will not forgive us!" "Our baby just turned a year old. My husband is very important to engage in its development. I called coming to us the children's centres – everywhere hands in the half. Is it possible though to do something for a child's development at home?").

But what is useful is to calm down, relax, there is good old word "to rest", which is now used only in relation to the deceased, but formerly it meant "to enter into rest"? And what do we mean by "enter the rest"?

The rest is very difficult to describe, because it is not possible to say that we do alone, we will always talk about what we never do: we do not make efforts, do not try to bring themselves to perfection, nothing to prove, do not adapt to their expectations.

Peace, relaxation, rest needed by the body at different levels.





Our body needs rest. Children grow during sleep. The wound healed in a dream. "To work hard, have a good rest." Prolonged physical stress without rest leads to disease.

Our brain needs rest. This is confirmed by neurophysiological studies, but at the household level, we all know that the three days spent without sleep, we can hallucinate, our brains will harden and refuse to accept the information.

Our minds need periods of rest. It is impossible to learn very difficult material, so lectures are the breaks. And before the period of intense intellectual activity the most sensible thing is to plan a nice vacation from it.

It is clear that peace at the level of one of the systems of the body, does not mean peace at other levels. Our body can be still and relaxed, and our mind will feverishly work in the brain, which in relative peace.

Our psyches also need to rest. The importance of rest for the normal processes of psycho-emotional development I will address in more detail.

As I wrote, the development process can be divided into three vectors at which it takes place and which are very closely intertwined. Integrative process — when the child begins to interact with other people without losing yourself and without having to impose yourself to others. Intimacy without a loss of identity. The process of becoming — when the child becomes viable, psychologically independent, and can exist without the affections and the responsibility responsibility. Adaptive process — through which we learn from our mistakes, recovering from psychological trauma, change under the influence of circumstances which we are not able to change.

 

The value of the rest state for the integrative process

 

Integrative thinking is the ability at once to feel conflicting ideas, experience cognitive and emotional dissonance, disharmony. When we accept the world and black and white at the same time — we find this a point of rest.

Often, when we think about peace, can mistake it for peace, for something convenient, comfortable, where you can stay for a long time. But peace is not the absence of internal conflict is the acceptance of conflict. We are not trying to work on the destruction of internal contradictions, not trying to divide the world into right and wrong, and take the conflict, take our inner chaos. The true point of rest is to open yourself to all your inner emotions, contradictory impulses, the opposite feelings. When we find this point, we become more balanced, see things in perspective, cease to depend on momentary emotions.

To calm down is to live with the questions instead of looking for the correct answers. To seek answers is to work with, to limit the field of his perception to achieve a goal. Alone and there are answers, but the paradox is that the answers are as if by themselves. The most valuable result is obtained when it has not strive at any cost.
 

The value of the rest of the process of formation

The ultimate goal of the process of formation is to allow the individual to exist regardless of its affections, become a viable separate being.

To see the role of rest in the process is very easy, just follow your child. When you next find him full of energy daring, curiosity, and filled with these wonderful "I", "I", "I will do", think about what preceded such a welcome surge of creativity and independence? And you will see that before you go out to explore the world, the child is a dependent position and is absorbed, recharges your love.

You come home from work, and your child greets you at the door, not allowing to take off your coat, put your bag and your shoes off. He's not just hugging you, and just screwed into you, trying to merge with you. And after some time the hot embrace suddenly pushes you because he remembers that he hasn't finished a picture, or not completed a city of cubes. Now try to hold him back: "Hey I'll get you potisku!" — "Well, mom (dad), I have to go, let me go!". The child got so it needs nearness, relaxed, and ready to explore the world beyond.

But before your love will be able to nourish the child, he should let his loved to commit to your care, to find in you solace. To entrust their lives and well-being to the care of another can only come out of dormancy.

To trust the other, it's not as easy as it seems. I'm always amazed at how much my children trust me, when they jumped into my arms with a six-foot parapets, without a shadow of a doubt that I can catch. I always thought, if I could've found someone to trust?

Trust is very vulnerable. As soon as you trust yourself to someone, you are trapped. Firstly, now not from you, and from the other dependent on your well being, and secondly, now you will always have to pursue the existential fear of losing that person.
 





©Magdalena Berny

The importance of rest for adaptation process

To adapt, to change yourself in the face of circumstances which we are not able to change, to find rest in failing to get what you want, allow yourself to fill with tears, the void of the impossible dream, to take the pain of knowing that the more independent we become, the more we are alone. Somewhere between unsuccessful attempts to change the situation and acceptance of this situation is the point of stillness, a still point.
 

Rest from efforts to maintain attachment

This is probably the most difficult to abandon work on the attachment. I don't mean that we should abandon efforts to strengthen attachment with our children, on the contrary, we should carefully work in this direction, to enable children to relax and calm down. I'm talking about our own affections.

The more we work on establishing and maintaining attachment, the more attachment is the result of our work, the more vulnerable we are in this attachment we feel and can't relax.

We accept, because we are beautiful, rich, famous, because we know how to listen, or right to speak because other people around us feel powerful, smart, strong.

When we make effort to be loved, the favor and love is the result of our work, we do not believe that without this we would have invited to exist in their lives. We can achieve resounding success in achieving love (people — masters in science, please), but we will never be able to achieve peace in our relationship.

To truly satisfy his need of affection, it is necessary to abandon work on it. And it's an incredibly difficult task for our psyche:

• to stop to adjust himself under the expectations of others;
• to stop playing roles and unmask;
• don't endeavor to produce the best impression;
• not to present myself as a person more loved, more valuable, more important;
• stop deceiving yourself, in the work of establishing and maintaining proximity;
• to allow others to love us, and his resolve to live out loud, openly;
• to allow others to feel and think about us what they want they decide they want to see us in their world or not.

 

I'm not saying that we must always behave themselves and not to hide your own I. But when it comes to your affections, your diligent work, they will turn against you.

Many people live a lifetime, adapting to someone else's expectations, never experiencing full acceptance. It's very hard to say no to all my masks, to allow yourself to be taken. Often fears are totally exaggerated, you are surprised to find that others are ready to take your "I" in a much broader spectrum than we had before. But to rest from work on the attachment, it is necessary to pass this critical point, a point of stillness, when you realize and accept the possibility of complete loneliness. Before beginning is always the end. "To be born, it must die".

 

Also interesting: DEVELOPMENT occurs from the point of rest

You would have to wait or attempt to survive from lemon tomato juice

 

From my experience the comforting work on the attachment, I can highlight two points: the first is the establishment of relations with themselves, understanding their values, understanding, and what is "I", the process is long and largely painful, but also joyful when you dig yourself as an archaeologist on a dig; and the second is the willingness to be yourself, it is reaching the point of stillness, peace in search of affection, it's like in the hole with the head, once you realize that you like is more important than you, who love and accept and fail to adapt. Not an easy path, but it is available to everyone. Although many live a life never knowing, and what they really are when the mask has no face.published
 

Author: Olga Pisarik

 



Source: ponaroshku.ru/blog/kontseptsiya-pokoya/