About hapless programmer bone))) Bashny.Net

America today. Programming firm in the area of ​​the Big Apple.
 Mostly, people of 20-25, but it is a branch of the world famous corporations. In a sense, the most unfavorable option: plow should be as a small company, but bureaucracy and intrigue - as in large.

The protagonist of the story - a senior programmer Stan, he's Kostik. A typical example of Russian programmer who can write anything in any language to any deadline, but the organic incapacity to come to work in a tie. Half of the existing code written in his unique manner, in violation of all methodologies and instructions, using all the undocumented features and rare as gold nuggets, comments on the dreadful English. Everyone knows that it is for him to go with the elusive bug unsolvable technical problem - and is immediately caught the bug, and the problem is solved most unusual way. On the other hand, in the moments of rest when all discuss the results of a baseball game, Kostya rummaged of Russian humorous sites and grunts of untranslatable into English jokes. That is not entirely his own.
 Once employees szyvayut in extraordinary videoconference. President of the corporation broadcasts a half-hour from the screen that the new market conditions dictate new solutions, the contribution of each employee is infinitely valuable and prospects rosy as ever. Then, of course, starts reducing.
 The branch Costin fired several valuable employees. The procedure is the most rude. The unsuspecting employee receives a call from Dave (branch manager): "Bob, come on to me a minute." In addition to Dave's office sits a special trip aunt from the personnel department and hand harvested unfortunate order of dismissal and severance pay with a check.
By the way, this is the only situation where the employee receives a check in his hands, all other payments are transferred directly to the bank account or sent by mail to the home address. Then Bob escorted secretary, that God forbid nothing done, give to reach their workplace, and with trembling hands stacked photographs of children, slippers and coffee mugs, and more of it no one ever sees.
 Kostina value in the labor market is slightly higher that the corporation pays him. But at the moment his tempestuous affair with the immigration authorities, and losing a job does not.
 Povzdragivav few weeks of each telephone call, Kostik spits on all the written and unwritten rules, go to Dave, explain the situation and ask the forehead, there is not going to dismiss it. Dave, looking at him through the eyes of the world are honest, swears and swears that is not the existence of a branch without bones and if he will ever be fired, only penultimate right before Dave himself.
 - So, Stan, - Dave says in conclusion - do not bother me, but go to work quietly. By the way, as there is with the release of the new version? You'll have time?
 - Have time - is responsible Kostik.
 The release version is scheduled for next Monday. This means that on Friday should be prepared for distribution CD. On Saturday, the student will come contractor, specially hired for jobs that do not require the participation of the brain, narezhet with distribution of 200 copies, lay them in branded bags, FedEx'om will send the list of two hundred customers in all parts of the United States, and on Monday morning they all start working on the new version. But before Thursday's coming a great American holiday roast turkey, and behind him - semi-workers Friday that Kostya is going to be absent friend's birthday. Therefore distribution heroic efforts of the whole team was ready by Wednesday evening and triumphantly hoisted in the place where it will take a student. Parallel Kostya managed to download and burn a few discs with cartoons, which he has long promised nephews.
 At dawn on Saturday, Kostya is drinking mineral water and going to his sister, but finds that the cartoons were at work. Do not be afraid, the hook is small, it has a key, and Kostya through the deserted streets of the morning going to the office. The indicator on the office phone indicates that on Friday, someone left a message. In principle, it could lie until Monday, but Kostya mechanically presses Play. Answering voice Dave says: - Stan, go in the morning to my office for the check. Thank you for good job.
 Kostya completely speechless scrolls the message again and again. No doubt, the American bureaucracy chewed it and spat out skins. But unlike the rest of Bob and he accidentally learned of the dismissal in advance of his visit to the office, no one knows, the student will still about two hours, and she is born the idea of ​​revenge. Create parting something like that, then to the corporation ikalos, ikalos and ikalos.
 But what? Erase the source? There are backups, which have no access Bones. Plant some particularly tricky bug? Two hours do not have time, and the others are not idiots programmers will find. A look at the distribution falls. It is easy to mess up, but it will cost the corporation in all two hundred discs, and one day to rewrite and re-mailing. Good but not enough. And then a thought.
 The fact that all of the outstanding corporation of the program begins with an animated screen saver, which under the bravura music leaves the angle and turns the entire screen logo. Several years ago, for the anniversary of the guys graphics pinned and produced a movie in which the same music and the same perspective instead of the logo went penis in all its anatomical details. Such a rude American humor. Those guys have long retired, their antics forgotten, but which of the servers look abandoned this masterpiece about clear. Kostik understands that fate has given him the opportunity to put to work in the dick that neither is a literal sense of the word.
 In fact, to find a movie, cut distribution with a new screensaver, put him in his place, and traces of the old, it took less than an hour. Kostya spent the weekend with her sister no feelings about the loss of work, and in anticipation of gloating. Again and again he imagined, like a hundred customers at the same time emerge on the screen two hundred phalluses which Butch rise in the corporation, and what's left of the dastardly Dave.
 On Monday, at nine in the morning Kostik confident gait walked into the principal's office. Aunts of staff was not there, Dave was one. With a broad smile, he handed the stunned Kostik envelope with the check: - Hold. Bosses for no fit of generosity for the award this Thanksgiving Day. You were not on Friday, so get it now. What happened to you, you feel bad?
 - So, I'm not fired? - Pale, asked Kostya.
 - Well, of course not. My God, Stan, are you no longer understand English? I repeat: you're not fired. Yes the wake! Hey, somebody out there! Water!!!

Catching two hundred phalluses with pieces small ptashechkami throughout the US, it proved to be an extremely exciting thing. Of course, there is all the two hundred addresses has been sent to the emergency mail, which is the distribution discovered unknown to science virus and disk should be, in any case without opening, with all the precautions to destroy, but tomorrow will be sent a new one.
But there is no certainty that customers regularly check e-mail, it was not, and all twenty branch employees sat on the phone. As a result, we managed to catch almost everything. Three or four of the phallus still managed to open it, but by a fluke of those computers were not flimsy office ladies and stationery rat, always ready to drown a neighbor, and hardened life rednecks. Miraculously managed to avoid fainting, publicity and complaints to their superiors.

Kostya was not fired, he continues to work at the same company. But I, the narrator of this story, knowing little US corporate orders, do not advise anyone to repeat his feat.