Where love leads — 5 scenario of your relationship Bashny.Net

Four scenarios of five was described more than a hundred years ago, later adding a fifth. While any of the scenarios can be as completely happy and deeply problematic. Your Union is developing certainly one of them. What?



фото:time.com

Is this the emotional sphere, as love, can obey some laws? It turns out, Yes. A Polish psychotherapist Waclaw Jacek found that the relationship between two people, no matter how passionate, bright, surprising as it may be, always has a certain scenario. And anyway, eventually the pair set one of the following types of relationships. Most problems in marriage arises from the fact that there are people with different scenarios. Then one "dominates" the other, and the one who "caved in", feels unhappy and unsatisfied. However, he does not give the desired second partner – and the relationship fails. Or decay over the years, bringing joy to any, the second.

However, even those lucky people who have the same expectations from the Union are not immune from misunderstanding. Because each type has its pitfalls. Decide which scenario tends your pair, and try to avoid possible mistakes!

Type 1. Patriarchal

In this Union it provides the rear, and he conquers the world. And if every role like, family will be happy and strong.

The husband is the head of the family de juro and de facto.

All major decisions are made by he and his wife and children, even, with apparent democracy, obey.

The wife organizes the household and bringing up children.

It can work, but her case was not considered important.

She will leave everything and will go to the husband, if it comes to it.

The dilemma "career or family" in front of it is a priori more important than family.

Possible difficulties. Modern society tells a woman: "Be active!" If she does the housework and children, is considered to be "unrealized" (although maybe it is in the family her true calling). Many women go on about fashion, get a job, although it is uncomfortable, and the climate in the house is deteriorating. It is important to ask yourself: "is this My desire or impose on others?"

Another important point. In a Patriarchal Union man in any case should not treat his wife the consumer. If he doesn't appreciate her concern, will not thank, she will feel offended.

For example, the movie "Moscow does not believe in tears"



scene from the movie "Moscow does not believe in tears"

Charming locksmith gosh, the dream of all Soviet women, is a classic example of a man with a Patriarchal script relations. He has active position in life: he makes decisions, provides for family, protects his woman. After learning that Katherine – neither more nor less than the Director of the plant, the response goes away. After all, this man is unacceptable, when the beloved above his social status. Only after the intervention of friends, he returns to Kate and tries to make a new format of relations.

Type 2. Affiliate

In a couple based on the principles of partnership: equal rights, equal responsibilities, it is always possible to negotiate.

This Union in man and woman – active, active, energetic.

Both aspire to self-development, it is essential for everyone to find yourself in your favorite business.

Usually both work, although the woman can formally sit at home and do some social activities.

To organize life help grandmother, nanny, housekeeper – wife is not inclined to shoulder the household chores themselves. What remains is divided equally.

The husband and wife agree about everything, ranging from the allocation of responsibilities and schedules and ending with the principles of bringing up children.

Often these couples have a separate budget.

Possible difficulties. As a rule, sooner or later, these relationships grow in a matriarchy. The woman is very important that the man was emotional intimacy and not just a dry arrangement. She needs to favorite show concern not on the schedule, did the unexpected gifts etc. Men often arrange partnerships, they have been reluctant to take the initiative. Then the leading role assumed by the woman: first is figuring out how to spend a romantic evening together, then decides more serious things: where you will learn how to distribute the finances... If this "policy" some of you don't like, then you need to speak honestly about their expectations.

Example: "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"



scene from the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"

At first glance, John and Jane live like a normal married couple. However, each partner has his own personal territory, which is not allowed other: the life of secret agent, an assassin. Both husband and wife independent, purposeful, brave and self-sufficient. They would exist so for years to come, if by chance have not received an order to each other.

3. Home

There is love, and nothing else matters. The relationship in this pair closely tied to each other: no one of these lucky ones not needed.

Career, sales, to achieve some social heights nor for men nor for women in this Union is not important.

They draw energy in each other and in their relationship.

The most important thing in their life is mutual love, the coziness, the warmth in his "nest".

As a rule, partners are very sensitive and delicate people.

They do not aspire to contacts from the outside: surrounding only hinder.

When you have kids, and mom and dad take care of them with equal fervour.

Possible difficulties. The danger lies in the fact that if you do not reach the outside world can be to each other to exhaust. Then the relationship run the risk of slipping on the household level: there is a habit to be there to spend the evening together, but the fullness that early anymore. Therefore, for such a pair is very important to have some kind of business together to build a house, start a business, to have a common hobby. And communicate with other people! Oddly enough, this will allow us to find each other for additional resources, inspiration.

For example, the movie "Sweet November"



scene from the movie "Sweet November"

When Nelson meets Sara, he leaves his job, changes his habitual way of life and fully, happily immersed in a relationship with a sweetheart. They have enough of each other, to fully experience the fullness of life.

Type 4. Matriarchal

The woman – the head of the family, though not necessarily in it the General in a skirt. Sometimes the man moves to take the reins in their own hands.

She's a strong, purposeful, active. He, on the contrary, has a gentle nature, loves comfort, not seeking to make a career.

Often both work, but he earns less, his case is not so important (although it may be a getter).

All major decisions in this Union is a woman. If she is wise, it creates the appearance that the "rules" man.

The father is prone to raise children and often give them more than a mother.

If they are comfortable together and they do not blame each other, the Union is very harmonious.

Possible difficulties. If a woman will accuse a man that he is passive, earns little, etc., he will be looking for ways to raise self-esteem. One of them is docile and feminine mistress, who will see in it "not a boy, but husband." At the same time the bearer of a matriarchal script just did not get along with strong guy, as if she didn't want to see such a close. To favorite became more active, she is a little to weaken the control over all spheres of his life: then, you see, and he will show male traits.

For example, the film "Love and doves"



frame from the film "Love and doves"

Basil and Hope to live according to scenario of "soft" matriarchy: the wife, anyway, in the family Kusakina home. Maybe Basil is not enough for men of realization, or simply resort conditions are conducive to the novels, but he falls in love with a lonely Raisa Zakharovna and eventually leaves his wife for her. The heroine Gurchenko wants to see him as this strong man, her script – Patriarchal. But Kusakina this is not appropriate, their relationship crack, and he returns to his wife.

Type 5. Inspiring

She is the Muse, he is an artist, a businessman, a poet, a politician... well, never mind. The fact that she inspires him to achieve.

Male – chief, but he realized because his favorite inspires.

Success by itself does not interest him: he tries for her. But often amaze him.

She, like Muse, quite Moody, he makes new demands, but that's what it takes to develop it.

The woman-the Muse is demanding of herself, usually she has a strong character and constantly samosovershenstvovaniya.

Their house has a lot of friends: he wants them to appreciate her, she likes the admiration of others. In their relationship there is a certain theatricality, but both like it.

The arrival of children poses new tasks: it can be a great mom, and he's proud of it,.

Possible difficulties. If it ceases to inspire him, he'll find another Muse – such is the nature. Therefore, real muses do not give myself and find new ways to capture the imagination of a loved one. And get their way: such alliances are usually long lasting, because the man is emotionally dependent on his woman. If it's not her script, she just tired to keep myself in shape.

For example, the movie "That Munchhausen"





scene from the movie "That Munchhausen"

Beloved Mar inspires the main character to feats. But she can't take another of his trick is a new day of the year, may 32, and requests to abandon their fantasies for her. Once this occurs, the Baron loses his footing. He signed a renunciation of himself, and then he stages a suicide. Tellingly, later in March she gets away from him, turned from the man and the dreamer in a boring and calculating cynic florists. And he realizes that to return by March, you need to back yourself...

Can I change the script?

Well, when you and your husband have the same scenario relationships. They are, incidentally, most often formed following the example of our own families. But if you expect him to Patriarchal implement, and he does not hurry? Or give it all your love and I want the same relationship back, but he only thinks about friends and career? To be together, you both will have to change their expectations from each other. It's not as easy as it seems. You need to clearly understand what you want to, and depending on this change of strategy. And then watch what happens. For example, the strong woman, tending to matriarchal relations, will have to learn to be weak in Union with the same strong man. "The Muse", which, by their nature, home – like and closed, will need to constantly work on ourselves to favorite it never ceased to admire. If he gravitates to a partnership, and your script – Patriarchal, you have to learn to deal with him and "push" him to manifest himself... In any case, the quality of the relationship are equally responsible, both partners, regardless of the scenario.

Sometimes the script can change, even in established relationships. This typically occurs when significant events in the family, when possible redistribution of roles. For example, the birth of a child. And while the scenario is not "ustakanilos" possible conflicts and misunderstanding. Over time a relationship will return to the previous scenario, or will form a new scenario. If conflicts do not stop, it makes sense to consult a specialist.

Often, in order to find "your" scenario we have to try different scenarios.

It is important to understand in which scenarios you feel comfortable with. Which of the scenarios is really yours. Do not go on about fashion or force myself to play a role

 

источник:roytmaninstitute.org

Source: /users/1077