Consumerism is death for a relationship Bashny.Net

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Consumer attitude towards the spouse is one of the surest ways to destroy a marriage and indeed any relationship. Even the violence (in the broadest sense) does not possess such destructive power.

Why would I? The fact that last month I collided several times with the same phenomenon, which is based on this consumer attitude.

The last straw was a letter to my readers with interesting questions. With her permission, I answer the questions here.

Here is an excerpt from the letter:

"Let's say there are a couple in which the man says: I like you, but I don't love you and don't want to get your hopes up.
How to do a woman, if she feels that in this relationship there is a sense of the future. Because love is the feeling which stops and then starts. Today no, but tomorrow is, and Vice versa.
Do I need to put the basis for the Foundation of love or perhaps to build a relationship on other values, and love to acquire in the process?"

Here, several questions, so I will answer in stages.

There's no hope.
If the man says with a straight face "I like you, but I don't love you and don't want to get your hopes up", then we should look what will be said next. If the man then says, well, let's part and more to meet will not, then the question is settled.

But if the man then says, well, let's spend time together and have sex, such a man is needed to drive the tongs to the outskirts.

Because this particular man now said out loud that he was going thoroughly to enjoy the woman, instead of giving as little as possible.

I know the story of the millions (exaggerating, of course, but still — I know a lot). A man tells a woman, say, you're cute, I'm cool, come together to have fun. I'll call you when I have the mood, we will go where I want, doing what I wonder — this is so cool!

No. It's not healthy. This consumer attitude, objective approach. Another man here is something of a resource (object) without psyche and feelings.

As for me, it's just disgusting. Yes, I use this term, although this is not a psychologist; I am most emphatically in the world, I can. Consumer attitude is disgusting. Maybe even more disgusting violence (though it's hard to be more disgusting violence).

In this situation, as in the situation with violence, my answer is simple — chase this man.

Of course, if a woman wants such relations, no problem. But, in fact, women usually want relationships to others, and to such suggestions from the men agree out of hope. Out of hope that he will "come around", "love", "understand".

No! Don't come to their senses, not love, not understand. This man will use you until he gets bored. It is not necessary illusions — is the only way.

Why? Because for a normal person unnaturally object to treat a loved one. It's almost a mental disorder — not to see other people too.

I'm not exaggerating. For a normal person to create a theory of reasonable ("theory of mind" in English; Russian translated differently). That is, to perceive other people as living, intelligent and sentient beings. That is, as subjects.

The formation of the theory reasonably could be broken — and then the person perceives others as just things. It's not really psychiatry, but close. And such a person to cure is not easy (if even possible). And you will fail for sure.

Don't even try — waste of time and effort. To chase these men away from me like the plague.

And all of a sudden?
Recall question: 1. How to do a woman, if she feels that in this relationship there is a sense of the future. Because love is the feeling which stops and then starts. Today no, but tomorrow is, and Vice versa.

The woman in this situation, you need to put your head in a bucket of cold water and a little bit to reorient myself. Because to feel that in these respects there is a sense of the future, a woman can, but the reality of these feelings do not belong.

This is a consequence of working all sorts of fun hormones. They turn off to a woman critical thinking, to ensure conception.

The woman in this state, shut off the frontal lobe is the state of insanity, which, for example, the criminal code says: "...could not realize actual nature and public danger of his actions (inaction) or manage them due to chronic mental disorders (diseases), temporary mental disorder, dementia or other painful state of mind."(article 28 of the criminal code).

Here is a female "I feel that in this relationship there is a sense" and is something close to a temporary mental disorder or disease state. Despite the propaganda of the followers of the teachings of "Kill the head and listen to feelings", feelings you need to listen very carefully, and the head off do not.

So — a bucket of cold water. Brains cleaned, the feelings of saddle. Even if temporarily, will help. And when curative action ends, the procedure is repeated.

So the only way to do a woman to dismantle the situation.

Rely on that?
"do I need to put in the basis of the Foundation of love or perhaps to build a relationship on other values, and love to acquire in the process?"

Yes, indeed, the relationship can begin to be built without love. To do this, they must be based on mutual respect. That is, "on the recognition of the SMB. virtues, merits and qualities."

The key word, as you can see, highlighted in bold. Respect must be mutual. The same relationship can be build on mutual interest and/or mutual recognition of the value of these relationships. The main thing — to mutually.

Human relationship based on what experts call the "theory of equal exchanges." You have me, I you, and it suits me, light distortions in one direction disguise slight misalignment in another. The important thing is that we both understand and accept and recognize that this exchange would suit us.

People with disorders of "reasonable theory", on such exchanges is not capable — it's hard to share anything with the fridge, say. We're just laying the food back and take it when necessary. The fridge — thing. Unfortunately, sometimes that person becomes a thing.

And those who makes you things, chase. Chase away. Chase, despite their pleading eyes and sincerely puzzled. Paul Zygmantovich, the categorical psychologist in the world, I say to you — chase these people away. Do not believe them, do not give up the slack.

Otherwise you will again do the thing. But to be a thing unworthy of man.

Source: zygmantovich.com/?p=7504