Where are the "good girls" Bashny.Net

Let me tell you the story of a girl. It will be a collective — in the image of our Masha will be some different girls and women. Despite the fact that the worst part of the biographies of these girls I have tried here not to describe.

Although one of these three gets his head on the battery and the other stopped feeding, and then she stole money and food from friends, the third exhibited barefoot into the cold in his underwear on the stairwell. Such terrible stories, and I will try to tell you the story of ordinary, a common part of the history of good girl, which somehow could relate to and touched each.

So, our Mary. Today she is just over 30. We can talk about it for a long time, but perhaps most importantly — she is very good girl. Good girl Mary. It always has been — afraid to upset others or be upset. Over time it has become very hard from her own reliability, she started trying to get rid of it.

 




It has one feature. Masha sensitive to any interference in his life. And even what she considers interference. In her head the feeling that every person in this world wants to alter, to break, to crush, to push. Therefore, it reacts very sharply and painfully.

• When the mother-in-law teaches her to cook borsch (although Mary soup cooks constantly and the Council never asked).
• When mom insists that it is time to introduce Apple juice with three months.
• When old ladies in the street telling her how to hold the baby.
• When the young moms give unsolicited advice on any subject.
• When the husband takes any decision without asking Masha (even if the decision suits her).
• When she has someone to ask for something (and God forbid my husband money!).
• When she has someone to depend on (Oh, this terrible decree, a dependent spouse!).
• When someone breaks into her personal space — at least a word or even a glance.
• When someone receives for her decision — of any kind, tells her how to live.
• When someone criticizes what she does, or even just expressed about your unsolicited opinion (sometimes it's enough to make a certain facial expression, and Mary will understand, and you can still use a couple of interjections).

 

Even if she can't muster up the courage all these people to respond, to refuse, inside it there will be a storm of protest and disagreement.





She could suppress, and then will suffer her body. Can throw out, and then dig in guilt with his head. Choice Mary the small. Inner harmony is still not in sight.

In the mind of Masha sweep of thought: "are They for an idiot I am?" Or "Yes they need me specifically kidding!". She's afraid to be vulnerable and weak. Afraid to be weak — it's so easy to use and to hurt her in full.

She got used not to trust anyone. Especially the most loved ones. Because the one who is closer, able to hurt harder, because he knows all your weaknesses and Achilles ' heels. It is easier to rely only on themselves, to live by the laws of the jungle, where every man for himself and dog eat dog.

With all this, Mary is very sweet and nice girl. Very kind, helpful. It is very nice to talk to. But God forbid to step on the "mine", God forbid hurt to the quick!

What is the reason for the "bare" nerves of Masha? Why is it so inconsistent in their reactions, turning from a cute Bunny in the roaring tiger? And where did this good girl Mary?

 

Masha — a girl who survived the violence. And it's not about sexual violence, no. But let me explain what I mean.

 

Violence "out of love"

When Mary was born, her parents were very busy. Like any parents, they worked for the good of the Motherland. They had no time to think about how to raise a child, what the child needs, are there any psychological trauma in children. So they did the same thing as all others. Walked on schedule, fed no more often than every three hours — even if she was crying from hunger, was introduced complementary feeding as expected, was potty-trained, not taught to taught to fall asleep on their own, even if she screamed hysterically for hours. And it wasn't the worst time in a girl's life.





In the year Mary went to the nursery. And my mom was at work. The benefits run out, living on the salary of the Pope, wanted. In kindergarten Masha every morning, force-fed porridge, which she hated. The teacher could tie him to a chair, pushing by the spoonful. Alternatively, one could keep, and the second feed. All at a time. Although children quickly learned that it is better to eat it "voluntarily" to avoid this torture.

In the group Mary was not a leader, so you always had to do what others say. Otherwise began baiting. When Mary refused to play Baba Yaga, its just the whole group threw it into the fountain with the water striders.

Mother all these complaints did not react, they say, what nonsense. You're strong, I can handle it. Learn to fight back. Masha and complain then stopped completely, what is the point.

But the house whenever guests came, Masha was put in a chair and forced to read poetry. To show how smart she is and talented. For Mary it was torture, but there was no choice. Mom said "necessary" means necessary.

Of course, there were pleasing developments in the group — there were girlfriends, however, are the same, afraid to say a word against the main part of the group. But overall, Mary rapidly lost contact with him. She needed to live so as to avoid pain. Not to contradict someone who is older and stronger, to obey, be silent and do as they say. Even agree with the fact that she is the most disgusting (for example, to remove the pants before strong boys or deceive the teacher "all together"). She was there when it was time, and what you give. She needs to sleep when the scheduled quiet hours. And make paper Apple and a flower, when everyone is doing the Apple and the flower.

 

Then there was the school. The school worked on the same principle as kindergarten. Therefore, Mary already knew the rules. Although added to them new.

 

Evaluation. Masha's father was a very respected man and didn't want daughter was his shame or ignorant. Therefore, he demanded from her only good grades. Once Mary brought the "three" in mathematics (it is so hard given these numbers). Dad silently got out of the pants belt and was "schooled" Mary. Just a few bumps, but she will never forget. As well as the feeling that you were betrayed, broke and "out of love", they say, then say thank you.

Since the belt is always hanging in her room in a prominent place. If she brought bad grades — dad again took him in hand, as though Mary begged him not to do. Over time — as in the garden — she realized that it is better to voluntarily do what the father requires. To learn best, ignoring all the rest. To sit for hours and all weekend on the lessons, to learn, to teach. And own desire to stick to hell, not because they are important.

Lessons Masha checked usually the mother. And the first time my mother was very angry, if Mary did not understand what is written. Why is this so hard? Sometimes an hour of homework, mother would some times go to the Creek and even a tantrum on the topic "topographist" daughter, where is she came from. Eventually Mary stopped to ask her mom's help. Ask her is meant to occupy a weak position, which suggests that over you again will be fun.

In addition, the mother was forbidden to argue with on any subject. Once in the hearts said, "Mom, are you stupid or what?" (Her parents said this often) — she got lips. Pretty much. And my mother was sure that she was right.

 

Punished mom usually long boycott that could endure for weeks. And the child is again heard her voice, my mother demanded an apology, almost on his knees, humiliations, tears.

 

In the presence of friends and other people the parents often could not afford the extra. For example, one dad wore on her head a bowl of soup, which she ate. At this time, was near friend. And when he saw her with lipstick, dragged by hair in the tub and ice water all washed away, loudly calling her a prostitute.

In addition to the school was a music school. Mary wanted to learn to play the piano, but it would never fit, so I had to suffer with the violin. And Yes, now the guests waited longer poems, and concerti.





Masha wanted to go to the dance, she liked it. But all the money and power went to his violin, so the dancing parents were screened for their uselessness and expensiveness.

She would wear Mary, decided mother. Voting rights the daughter was not. My mother had a phrase for all occasions: "While we feed you, we decide for you". Selected all practical, my mother's taste, taste the same Cars were derided and ignored.

Mary thought it would be nice to earn the money to buy what you like, wear what other girls in the class. But children do not take a job. And the money the parents of Masha, of course, is not allowed. Only on a sandwich during lunch. And not one penny more. Masha once a month at school ate nothing, saving money. But accidentally found the mother and called the father to punish the cheater. You do not for this give the money that you have decided where to spend them!

Teenage Masha really wanted to like boys. Or rather, a single, very interesting and beautiful. He was well liked, Mary was no exception. And he was friends with the prettiest girl in the class. Of course, it wasn't Masha, Masha didn't even have a chance, she was completely sure about that. So she wrote to him secretly verses in his notebook, drew his portraits, enjoying their feelings.

But the worst has happened. This notebook accidentally saw the same "star" class, and during recess, picked her up Masha, loud reading all of this class. Everyone laughed, especially the one whom the poems were dedicated. Trying to take away his own, she attacked the girl with his fists. In the end, they called her parents, the book seized and gave back to them. The boy just laughed, but didn't forget anything. Now he laughed every time she was seen, they say, well, you gave, you came up with!





Home Mary was waiting for the belt. And it was not the worst. And even house arrest it is not so scared. And the fact that mom and dad are in the kitchen read aloud her innermost thoughts and feelings, not only each other but also friends. I read and laughed, saying, what are these kids funny! Since then, they have checked all her notebooks and papers, found and read her diary.

Mache is forbidden to get angry, cry, cry, because good girls do not behave. You can keep quiet, smile and listen. Listen — it's not even possible, and required. Otherwise, the belt. Or a boycott. And who knows which is worse.

Household duties quickly enough moved on Mary. After school she had to clean the apartment and cook their parents dinner. Then wash the dishes, hang out the washing. And not doing it all was impossible. Still in the room hung on the belt.

Over time it gets used, that whatever she did would be bad and wrong. And although she will try to do everything perfectly, mom will always find something to complain about. And very quickly.

 

But she still continues to try, no matter what. If everything ever happens, and mother praise? And in fact praise you and to spoil a girl, so this holiday is extremely rare.

 

She went to school with a medal. With silver. Knocking out power. But of course, mom and dad were not happy. So hard to try a little harder? And of course, they all expressed. Directly at the exhaust.

Did Mary go where worked my dad's friend. Prestigious University, without work will not remain. Learning was very hard. Mary didn't know where she would go if she chose. She did nothing special and never did. And I've forgotten how it feels to want and to dream. She went there where sent.

After graduation went to Germany where took. Pasted ads secretly from their parents, conducted some polls. Money is not much, but at least something. Moreover, the scholarship was taken away by parents, issuing instead monthly pass and each day leaving on the table "for lunch."



In the second year Mary decided to move into the Dorm. To live separately, to decide not to go that far. The parents were against it, but gave up. After all, she's an adult.

What did the girl once on the outside? Had a ball. Parties, discos, alcohol, cigarettes, bright makeup from a neighbor. There began a string of guys. All the girls came in the room with her Boyfriends and was doing it. Masha was ashamed to admit that it would be a first. So she also brought some guy, and got my first "amazing" experience of pain and disappointment. Even alcohol in sufficient quantities has not helped. But now she was "normal".

After some time she found a guy she liked. It was strong and beautiful. She really wanted him to like me. And every time he hugged her, melting with delight, "is he really mine!". But after some time he began to treat her quite rudely. If she didn't do what he wanted, he could yell at. Several times even hit. And when she once refused to have sex with him — he took her by force, and then gave a slap in the face, that bruise lasted for half face. And left.

And Maria felt guilty that I missed the guy that she brought him. Parents did not say anything, but the bruise it was hard not to notice. Parents were horrified and forced her to return home, taking from now on all her decisions for her, as before. For each "trick" her again could thrash. That's just tasted the forbidden fruit, she could no longer sit in silence.

Rebelled, refused to learn, ran away from home. A sort of late teenage outburst. Despite the punishment that was waiting for her after.

Parents took her to psychologists, those it treated her.... In General, it's a long story, the Foundation of which is already clear.

Time passed, life gradually calmed down. Mary again became the good girl, accustomed to mom and dad. Graduated with honors — despite temporary clouding of consciousness. Got a job with dad's help on the good work. We happened to meet the son of my mother's colleagues, a good guy and then got married. Because it was time and the guy was nice and with the apartment, and began the second attempt to Masha to live separately.

Already nothing, everything like everyone else. Gave birth to a son. Again — it's time. Spent on maternity leave, I went back to work. Because sitting on the neck of her husband is shameful and dangerous. Went to get a second degree. Mom repeatedly said to sit on the neck ashamed. And depend on someone else is dangerous. Your dependent and weak can easily be turned against you.

And lives our Masha. The husband is good, but relationship with him is not too much. I think he's already someone yourself started. The child grows, Masha works. Work hated, but the pay is good. Everyone smiles and pretends that all is well. Parents helps, though, in response to constantly hear that helps a little and not.

And it's not the most horrible parents, right? Normal, loving and concerned. Yes, Express it that way. But in General the life of a normal education was given, brought up, nourished. Well, Yes, along the way "raped" his upbringing, broke, but what good man is going out, right?

 

The consequences of child abuse

Violence experienced by the girl as a child, able to break it. That girl is very sensitive, with a very fine mental organization. This fracture is then incredibly difficult to cure and rectify. She rushes like a wounded animal in a cage to tell mom all about it and to send to hell? How to live with the guilt? Or continue to endure mockery of themselves, her comments, say anything you do not understand in life, and I know you inside and out?

And how to stop taking it out on his own son, because she too can't help it. You will yell, spank, and then cries, reproaches himself.

And like the husband got himself someone, suspicion of this stronger and brighter, but how scary it is right to talk about it, to speak and cease to pull on the brakes!

How scary to leave a job where she already works for three, and it all unload and unload, however, the salary is somehow not changing.

 

Read also: the POISON of perception: how to avoid development of inferiority complex





She's still trying to prove something to her parents that she's smart, that good, no wonder they were fed and raised. However, to no avail. And now she is all good, but there is no happiness.

Options to further the life of Masha a lot. To endure her husband for the sake of the children, to find another, which is not the fact that it would be better to continue to adapt to the demands of parents to educate children as well as educated her. But if Masha does not begin a deep work with myself and my injuries, likely to become happy, zero.

Girl is born already full. It already has everything she needs. Why, then, break it and rebuild? The wounds in her heart can never be overgrown. It will need a lot of time and effort spent on it to heal. Any violence against the child is prohibited. Why?

• She may decide that she deserves it. That's the only way to handle it.
• It may "just in case" to jump on other people for any reason, the main thing – to strike first before he hit you.
• It will be very difficult to build a relationship with a man, to be a woman, raise children, be in the decree or to stay home.
• All her life she will suffer with his self-esteem.
• She can to live my life in a state of victim, attracting those who hurt her.
• It may become codependent, married to an alcoholic, drug addict, compulsive gambler, and so on.
• She will likely be constantly to improve themselves, on themselves actively work to increase the success rate, but will be very afraid to look into his own heart.
• She will not be able to enjoy motherhood, punishing children, then repenting and zamalivaya in front of them sins.
• It will be very difficult to find yourself, because she herself does not know can not hear or understand.

She will live life – like a good girl Masha, which are unable to be happy. Although many may not understand that wealthy, successful girl from a good family inside feels only emptiness and constant pain that increases with time... posted

 

Author: Olga Valyaeva

 

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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Source: www.valyaeva.ru/otkuda-berutsya-xoroshie-devochki/