If the person goes on about, he already has the leash Bashny.Net

Tell why some people always go on about. It's called bad boundaries, right?

But the expression "to be led" reflects the mechanism of what is happening much more precisely. Linguistic analysis generally gives a lot of psychology. As the knowledge economy.

That man went on about, he first has to be the leash.

If you don't have a leash for him to grasp and the story is impossible. No collar, no leash, you are your own boss.

The leash is the same as scythe of Rapunzel (and pigtail of neginah).

It's something that hangs over the circle borders, when the locus of control of a person external, that is, the control center they made outside, take who want.

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Theoretically hack the border can be any person, if you put it in extreme conditions. In a concentration camp, for example, in a psychiatric hospital, the war, etc. In extreme conditions, most people you can force to move the locus of control, make it external, so that they become passive and helpless, will lose support.

This applies to all except those who have very strong ego and locus of control is supported by a strong design. It did not budge, and thus will not deprive. This is a strong-willed people, they are much easier to destroy physically, than psychologically.

Most people are much faster miss the locus of control from your center and transfer to another the reins. Go on about any confusion.

But there are the type of people who are in romantic relationships especially vulnerable. They and disorientation do not, they in ordinary conditions, quickly become victims. Literally — pull the rope, the door opens. This is Rapunzel and Onegin. On their heads they have crowns, and in the loose of their braid. The leash, for which you can grab on to.

See what tricks originali bore. That girls were not hurt and they wouldn't have thought that such a bad border is a gender they have. This is not so. Gender only defines a special area of weakness, but a place where man does not belong. In women, it is sex, men have custody. (Not always, just on average).

If you look at Onegin, you will see that they always someone to patronize. They often live with their mothers, with their parents. But this does not always mean infantilism of neginah. No, very often this means they will hyperopic. They can't leave the parents, the parents love them and they belong to parents. Logistical help, emotional support, are unable to skim (especially when other close ties). Typically, this Onegin is looking for a woman who would have liked his mother, who'd become friends, but then you have no hope for it.

Even if Onegin is not sticky to the parents, it will still have some ex-girlfriend, he takes care of, or just a friend, sometimes a friend with whom he is nursed. He can't say no to him and basically doesn't want to refuse. For him, such a separation is a severe stress, loss of identity. It is easier to pay tribute and call it love. Or debt. Kindness. Somehow. In some way all the people who patronize it, it is very good, but onegia of neginah is especially pronounced, sometimes they literally are servants and can't stop. Don't want to. And if you want, theoretically.

That is, it is here rapunzels: reason went, for some reason, undressed, for some reason, gave his hair to pull, but after the fact felt a kinship and love is the same as that of neginah when they cling to some poor relatives, needy women or even men, and they humbly feed them and solve their problems. Sometimes the whole life.

It is important to understand that this is not associated with kind-heartedness, and with the crown. That is, until people think that they need to start to value yourself more not to merge the boundaries, on the contrary they should start to respect others more. Them and so the crown, where it is still to value ourselves more? In God turn?

That crown is hard bethsadia that we conventionally call the tower. A person feels over all and apart from all. He had the crown, she's a tower, that is something that raises him high above all and at the same time protects them from negative evaluations of the fortress wall. They have no one to rate it.

They don't want to admit to anyone else, they look at the top to protect the vulnerable and loose self esteem from possible attacks. That is on top of the armor, inside the jelly, instead of strong muscles invulnerable self-esteem.

Crown necessarily a deal breaker, she can't interfere. A man sits alone and feels the need in a relationship (it's almost instinct, man is a social animal), even if the need for them is poorly understood. That is, the crown is in conflict with human needs and as a result, conflict arises... spit. Neginah often pigtail. Some, regardless of gender, Cosima.

It braid is the reason for this light to break their boundaries.

See the Princess sitting in a tower, no it is not worthy, no it is not needed, but the need for love is still there, especially if "society pressure", but do not push it can't when the Princess enter with him into conflict. A Princess in a tower finds a compromise and resets out the window spit. It was as if she invites the candidates to prove their right to be with her, climbing the wall.

Some candidates evade the scythe, some clamber on it, but they get bored soon and they jump down, but there are candidates who simply pull the braid and the Princess flies down. Continue doing what I ordered, not yet come to his senses. And not to recover it may take time, and recovering himself, risking to get into the tower even more.

The same thing happens with originali. They also throw out the pigtail, but someone can wrap this braid on hand and then have to drive over an Onegin on occasion. Being such a dog in the first marriage, for example, Onegin can never longer to get married not want. Even the scythe can cut off and shaved bald.

To avoid such slavery and running around on the chain, Rapunzel and Onegin should get rid of braids, but if they do not leave their fortress, they will not remove her crown, they are just in prison and most likely the new braid they quietly grow. Because the scythe is an indispensable attribute of a person in the crown, which hopes to establish relationships on their own terms, on terms that it will top that others will be interested in it more than he did.

And the scythe is the most vulnerable place. If you have a crown, there are certainly a braid, and if braid, anyone can you for her to grasp and manipulate, so that you will accomplish the will of others, taking it for his.

Let's see how this braid.

Man is sitting and he does not want anyone, he doesn't need anyone, he feels VersaCAMM disables subjectivity and proactivity, since it feels about the autonomy of self — sufficiency. He's upstairs and can't be humiliated to acknowledge someone, a priori, to be important and interesting. No, it is conventionally only interested in someone who will prove their loyalty to him. This is the most safe for his weak self-evaluation candidate.

The locus in this case is in the relations to the very external (other resources may be normal). It all depends on the other, and man only accepts or rejects, and only evaluates the power needs of the other. Who more than any other it wants one and worthy of it. As the center of control inside there, and it's handed out and hanging outside the window, a person very easily becomes the prey of any and Sundry little to jump up and grab his scythe.

The resistance of such person does not, after all, to know what you really do not want this, you have to want something, to realize his wish and his J. Therefore, the history of breaking the boundaries of Rapunzel sometimes hit correctly. Literally, he rudely told me to come back and bring the booze, I for some reason went and took him booze. And this girl, who for many years looked down on the normal guys.

Very often after such Rapunzel locked in the towers, thinking that they must be asleep masochism and need to stay away from men that he did not Wake up. It's not masochism — it's a very bad border from learned passivity and waiting positions in relationships from a lack of center, that is, locus of control, from the crown, which suggests that you must achieve. From all of this is very bad boundaries, and no it's not.

But what happens to originali. They sit in the crown and also waiting for one that will appreciate them highly. He didn't think he needed from a woman, he is proud of what he did from women is not necessary, it's all there, it is self-sufficient, but he is willing to condescend to that which will be highly to appreciate and greatly need it.

You know, where is the trap? As soon as some woman will tell him that I need him, literally die without it (or even not show it, and he would say so), he will not be able to come off like she wrapped his braid in hand and lead on a leash. No, it does not reflect that drags behind her like a dog, he thinks she depends on him.

Like Rapunzel, getting slapped during sex, probably thinking that the guy just went nuts with passion and Onegin, getting a moral slap in the face of another hysteric, thinks she's on the verge of life and death from love. It's the crown that makes it difficult to take a man his scythe and say to him: go on, darling.

If to Rapunzel and Onegin finally comes that there is on the other side of love, but only the arrogance, they can cut the braid to leave a tuft in the hands of the invader and escape higher up into the tower. And sit in this tower bald. The spit is not to throw. Usually then again, the scythe grows, and sometimes not. Bald Onegin — wise minnows, bald Rapunzel — sleeping beauty. It does not exit, as you know.

How to get rid of the leash dangling, and the same braid?

The only way is to remove the crown and to return the locus of control to place, in the centre, and this to realize that you want to create relationships with people to be proactive in the center of a relationship, want out of this relationship, and may fear them because of the vulnerability of self-esteem, but I want to.

Began to actively and consciously build relationships, it is possible to maintain the locus of control where it needs to be in the center in the field of steering, and then no leash to hang on the outside will not, they do not take anyone you unknowingly handlebar does not transmit immediately notice the moment when you want to take, and calmly insolent to step back. And most likely he will not dare. People instinctively feel good boundaries and bad.

 



In addition to love nobody

The elusive feeling that everything will go like that: Foresight or programming

This is now position: I don't need anyone, but if I really, really need you, can condescend is a scythe. Spit turns into a leash very quickly, and you then go for it and don't understand why you do what you do not want. Or want? Or is it not you?

Notice at such a leash? Or with friends. What are the observations? published  

 

Author: Marina Komissarova

 



Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/343687.html