Why love hurts? Bashny.Net

We used to think that love is a wonderful feeling, in the article, I'll tell you why it is not so.

Agree that when we think about love – we are the candlelit dinners, wine and roses, walks under the moon and romantic music.

Why, then, the Eastern sage and the poet Kahlil Gibran describes love with these words:

"When love guides you, go for it, but know its the way of the brutal and cool

Its wings envelop you and you let her,

even if she hurt you with the sword, hidden in the plumage,

And if love speaks to you, believe her, even if its voice destroys your dreams

like the Northern wind devastates the gardens.

For love is crowned with you, but it is you are crucifying".





What nonsense, You say! It is not so! This is not the right view of love. In the end, we are much more accustomed to thinking of love as something positive, beautiful, magical and fabulous.

The difference of views lies in the fact that Gibran knew the difference between love and passion. Lust, lust, lust, it is what is described in the romantic stories and fairy tales: an intense, overwhelming, all-consuming desire, the inability to think about anything besides how to win the heart (body) of the object of our desire. My friends, it's lust. It is not love.

Lust is sexual response. It is about the necessity of procreation (and only this), and although most often described in visual terms (chest, legs, eyes, etc.), in fact, we are "in a state of excitement, lust" react more to smells and flavors than what we see.

We wish this man, if our senses tell us (usually without our awareness) that this person has an excellent immune system that is maximally different from ours. If we have a child with this man, the smell tells us that our chance for a healthy, more resistant to diseases of children is great.

Lust idealizes the object of desire and allows you to see fantastic prospects. This allows us to see only what we want to see and what we hope to see in the other person.

And passion allows you to ignore any flaws or defects. When we lust after a person, we see him as perfect, as someone who is extremely seductive, desirable.





Passion is instant. "Their eyes met and a sort of current ran between them" — this describes lust, not love. This is a primitive bodily response, the purpose of which is to ensure the survival of our DNA. It affects our senses and influences the feelings and stimulates the secretion of neurochemical substances – dopamine. By the way, dopamine is also outstanding, when we use drugs. However, in most cases an enjoyable experience is only temporary. In a few weeks — months, the passion is, and we are perplexed how this happened.

The best formula for true love to another man, described by psychiatrist and author Morgan Scott peck.

"The feeling of love is an emotion that accompanies the experience of an event or process by which an object becomes important to us. This object ("love object" or "object of love") we begin to invest their energies, as if he became part of us."

Love is not about our own need for procreation, or any other desire. When we truly love someone, our main focus is on self-expression, the other, not themselves. It is important, warns peck to the other could take such an attitude, you need to understand and accept yourself.

After all, if You are using "love for another" trying to fill your own emptiness, your "beloved" people can feel betrayed, strangled and offended. "Love expects nothing in return. Love just flows out." As Gibran says, "Love does not seek to possess. For love love is enough ".

When we truly love someone, we are ready to accept the person the way he is. In this there would be no attempt to idealize it or make another. We will try our best to understand how another person hopes to realize their potential, to become what you wish. It takes patience, a huge amount of time and a lot of hard work — not least because quite often the other did not even suspect about their potential.

That's where the pain comes when we love. Love requires extraordinary effort to accept and then truly understand the other person.

Very often, open, about how he can bear a loss for us. It's a feeling familiar to parents when a small child becomes a teenager and then an adult. In order to give the child to realize their potential, parents must show their love, refusing to feel what we need "them" and encouraging the child's autonomy and initiative. The only way a child can fully develop and become an adult.

Love hurts because there are times when we must let go of what we love the most.

And, finally, love hurts, because when we truly love, we must do it honestly. No secrets, no tricks, no deception, no ulterior motives.





To love another person means that both will grow and change. But any changes, even for the better, is a painful process.

Is it worth all this pain from love this feeling?

To live a full life, is to love. Genuine love — a real treasure.

 

Also interesting: Sergey Savelyev: Love uncontrollable

Love and logic

 

Again, careful reading of a line of Kahlil Gibran, who writes eloquently of what happens when you truly love another person:

"Love gives only itself and takes only from itself.

Love owns nothing and does not want that somebody owned it.

For love settle for love."published

 

Author: Linda Blair

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: psy-practice.com/publications/psikhicheskoe-zdorove/pochemu-lyubov-ranit-o-pokhoti-strasti-gormonakh-i-lyubvi/