He thinks he is perfect ... Bashny.Net

He thinks he is perfect. Especially when you start a new relationship. He is strong, cheerful, kind and consists of solid virtues. This is an incredible sense of their own goodness he confirms again and again, finding delight in your eyes.

And, of course, at this stage, you are incredibly good. If you transliruesh that he is a prince, then, of course, you are a princess. Still it is growing rapidly, and the fabulously beautiful in this joint dialogue.

It is with such pairs are written in women's novels and stories of incredible love at first sight. The idealization of you at this stage will bloom terry bouquets of red roses and fanciful orchids.




And then suddenly he hears from you in his address quite terrestrial observation. About the fact that late, fib, well, or maybe he loudly chomps at the table. Or begin to exude the reality, the one that has been carefully masked or displaced at the stage of dating. After all, he wanted so much to be perfect: not just an employee, but a secret agent, a mega-businessman have 5 formations, 10 inventions, 4 languages ​​and still be the illegitimate son of an Arab sheikh. It all depends on what it looks like Superman in his fantasies.

And when reality becomes evident, there is not going to happen remorse and regret. He's just a flash you devalue. It is entered in the relationship with the proviso that it is extremely good. Are you on the unwritten script must think and translate that way it is.

He does not care a reality. He is concerned about an unconscious contract "do you believe in what I say and portray, and then I will love you." Rather, it will simply live on you. It so happened that the feeling of goodness it is available only through the significant others. And one careless remark your turn you from the goddess and the love of his life in a filthy, foolish and stupid thing.

No, it's not you. The fact that it keeps the feeling of goodness upon confirmation from the outside. And if you consciously or unconsciously you attack this goodness, even the most well-intentioned, you hereby like to say that it is not good. And he can not stand it. All his life he only does what it is trying to keep the feeling that it is good that he has a right to be and to manifest that he is the best. And his personality is organized so that it can not be something good and something bad (either-or, and no). This children's experience of a young child who wants to be always very good, but for some reason does not receive this confirmation from significant adults. He is totally good, it is totally bad, and bad do not like him.

But I'm not about that. I want you to understand that the mechanism of "depreciation - the idealization of" only works because

. Such a person can not be criticized because it does not withstand even a partial voltage, it immediately falls into the abyss of his own badness. And just as he assesses the others. You will either unreal good, bad or unrealistic.

When people do not face close with these characters, they think that this is impossible. Therefore, others will look for the cause in you. Advising be softer, forget, not to find fault. And you will be very hard to work on a file, which would fit in perfect patterns, which he had prepared for you.

We'll have to learn to keep quiet, not to see the obvious, and many experiences to endure beyond the relationship. Tell me, what it is for you? It swings "idealization-devaluation", where you have to ride on a regular basis, not only nauseating ride in a relationship with a partner.

With this structure, the nature of people often act out on the outside what we are going through inside. It is likely that such a person will act out several scenarios simultaneously dissolving itself into several partners. And in this he will be fine. In his view all the way live. He never had another, so why he believe you? And if someone has clearly and grotesque and projection work, it is his.

You can be quite a slut and a spender, but you will accuse of dishonesty and betrayal. Just because these qualities he can not himself recognize and manifest it can only be through you.

I even have a friend who appears and disappears, and for a long time to forgive me curse "border guard". In a good mood, he jokes that, apparently, I'm so rude replace idiomatic. (I forgot to indicate that this is borderline personality disorder may appear in the first approximation). But it is one thing to be friends, (although for many years of our relationship, I do not only survived, until we found a safe and satisfying both the distance), and quite another to love this character.

Of course, such people are really, really need in a relationship, but they are the least able in them to be truly open and truly. "Border guards" leave behind confused and torn by friends and loved ones who erroneously considered themselves friends. Still, once they escaped.

And yes, these strategies of behavior completely attached to the floor. Love and friendship with these girls, too, that even the quest.

Author: Emma Bride