Common misconceptions of women subjected to verbal aggression Bashny.Net

From Patricia Evans "How to deal with verbal aggression»
The book is devoted to the problem of domestic violence




The effects of verbal aggression influence and intellectual sphere of women. The woman begins to err and about himself, and about his relationship with an aggressive partner. Women are not always able to articulate it imposed error, but these ideas are so deeply rooted in their minds, that they seem to be the truth, the reality, and not a representation of reality.
Common misconceptions of women subjected to aggression
1. The woman believes that if she can better express their thoughts and will be better able to explain something, then her husband (or partner) will not be angry at her and angry

2. The woman believes that she has some unexplained problems with the perception that it takes all "is not it, in fact," (she always talking about it!)

3. The woman believes that if she behaved properly, "would not do mountains out of molehills and not scandals from scratch" (she always talking about this!), She would not feel offended, and she would not have been so hurt

4. The woman believes that because she tries to be sincere and trying to take care of your husband (partner), one telling her that he loved her, just taking care of her

5. The woman believes that her husband (partner) with your friends and colleagues behaves just like her. But they have not withdrawn it from yourself, not angered, and do not complain, so it is with her that something was wrong, but not with him

6. The woman believes that she suffers from a misunderstanding, because of a lack of something, by mistake. Understand what a mistake or what it lacks, it can not, but instead becomes stable confidence in his own inadequacy and irregularity, which is derived from the constant accusations

7. The woman believes that when her husband (partner) scolds, name-calling or accuses her, it is fair in their assessments and charges

8. The woman believes that as soon as her husband (partner) will understand the pain it causes her to his anger or sarcastic remarks, he will cease to do so. She believes that just have not found a way to explain to him how much it hurts to bear his antics

9. The woman believes that so are all men, and she, unlike other women who have found an understanding with their husbands, yet could not find a way to your

10. A woman believes that, despite repeated aggressive attacks on her husband (partner), she would ever be able to establish a relationship with him

Reality: Despite numerous attempts to explain the woman and her husband-aggressor, and to find "the right words and arguments," the aggression on his part continues. Perception and emotional sphere of a woman for a long time functioning normally, her feelings - pain, fear, despair, anxiety, etc. - Indicating that in relation to it is practiced aggression, but at some point the woman is no longer trusted herself
. Many women try to improve relations with the aggressor, but any attempt to improve relations, to learn to understand the aggressor and become happier - lead to complications.
The more a woman shares her hopes and fears with the aggressor, relying on the understanding and intimacy, the more the aggressor understands how it is open in front of him as weak and defenseless. He strongly feels superior to it, it becomes colder it tends to show greater power over her.

The more the victim with the aggressor shares their interests and plans, the more the aggressor criticizing or condemning it, which puts it out of balance, it distracts from the plans and interests, destroys her self-control.

The more the victim is trying to find common topics of conversation in order to communicate with the aggressor, the more the aggressor remained silent, enjoying her desire to listen to him or her willingness to catch every word of his rare and the power that he feels doing so.

The more the victim reaches in life, while believing that the aggressor, too, rejoice for her, the more the aggressor seeks to debase and humiliate her efforts and achievements, so as to strengthen its position and once again feel themselves above it.

The smaller the victim believes that the aggressor will take her and get close to her, the more it moves away from it, and is seen more often with friends that give it what it needs, the more hostile and evil becomes the aggressor.

These paradoxes illustrate how all women desire to internal growth, integrity and improve the relationship with her husband-aggressor scare him, worried, hurt and disappointment.
It is interesting that when the aggressor abuses a woman, it is usually exactly describes himself in those charges, which throws her.

For example:
 - You are too serious to treat everything! (In fact, women underestimate the full depth of their feelings and suffering, and often turn a blind eye to aggression towards them)
 - You are too quick to draw conclusions! (In fact, a woman often does not dare to draw conclusions at all)

 - You see everything in black light! (In fact, women are set for the best and are ready to see everything in the most favorable light for the aggressor).